I can't help it okay. Yesterday was... I don't think I have any words to describe how yesterday was. At the same time, it was pretty awesome that I got to.... you know, kiss Ross on the cheek. Though the same time I felt a little annoyed at myself that I couldn't kiss him on the mouth, I still am fuming. Though in a way I guess I'm kind of glad that I didn't; what would have happened if he wasn't ready for that sort of thing, or he doesn't like me entirely that way. Maybe that's the best thing. What I should do is give him time, but then again when I think logically about it. It seems like he's been trying to get my attention all long. Which I'm really grateful for; I don't know why I'm so blind, but I hope he knows that I can see it now. I'm still nervous and I know I'm still a bit of a coward, but I'm going to try and meet him halfway. Well, I met him halfway yesterday and look how awesome yesterday was. We made pancakes; well-undercooked pancakes, they were all shrivelled and gooey looking. Then when we began to eat them, they weren't as half bad as I was expecting them to be. Still, it comes nowhere close to the quality of mams pancakes or Miss Wilson's ones.
I didn't sleep all that much last night; I was afraid to fall asleep in case what had happened to me, and Ross had been a stupid horrible dream. I just lay: staring up at the ceiling replaying the image in my head of the contact. How my lips pressed up against his cheek; how soft it was, how warm. When I leaned in closer for that kiss, I got Ross's body odour; now that I think about it, I'm subconsciously sniffing for it. It's not weird at all; I promise it's just the smell was so lovely. It's entirely him and only him. I've never come across another fragrance like it. It's not like some of my friend's odours. From Emma, you smell the comforter that her mother washes her clothes and; it stinks like pheromone ambrosia. The very floral, gentle touch on the senses. Though for Ross his is different. It's so sweet, boyish-like. If that is even a thing, boyish-like. His smells like jellies or sweets in general, gummy bears that it. Sigh... He's perfect in every way imaginable; his handsome wide-eyed expression always seems to capture my interest. No matter what gaze or sullen glance, he's holding.
I said I wouldn't touch myself thinking of him. Though I let my guard down again; I don't know what's wrong with me. Earlier this morning when I had my morning wood, I began to touch myself. I tried stopping at first before I got into the rhythm of things. I tried thinking of couple boys from school. I even tried thinking of girls. Once I did think of girls; however, I began to lose interest. I was starting to go flaccid downstairs, and since that I was already in the mood to do it I started thinking of boys I knew was hot. First, I taught Neil Patrick Harris from Dougie Howser, M.D. but then my mind jumped to Eli at the lake.
I was enjoying the vision a little too much; how his legs were perfectly sculpted all the way up to his ass. Then as I got to his ass in my little-perverted vision, Carl popped into my head. He was the last person I wanted to think about, and did not want to do it to him. So, I tried going back to Eli so that I wouldn't feel as guilty doing it. I was working myself into a frenzy; I was getting there, and the sensations were terrific. I was shallow breathing and everything, my heart was racing my chest, and I was beginning to let out soft moans. Shit, I hope my mom never hears any of that now that I think of it. Then out of nowhere Ross just popped into my mind. And because I was so far along already in my masturbation procedure, I was so turned on; I just kept going. It felt so good at the time that when I came, I taught I was going to pass out. As I lay there for a couple of minutes to regain my composure, I felt dirty or sick. I felt ashamed; Though I didn't last long because I drifted off- in an out of consciousness for about 20 minutes, then I finally got up.
When I woke to, I was groggy. The sound of a knock at the door startled me. When I sat up in the bed, I realised it was Ross. Panicking is an understatement; I grabbed my T-shirt off the ground and wiped the remnants of my cum that was nearly dried on my chest and stomach and covered myself up. I gave him the all clear, and he came in with a burst of energy. He was glowing; his smile was so enchanting. Ross came in and was like, "Hey Adam, come on let's get up, I have a surprise.” And I was intrigued by what the surprise was. So I asked him if I could get dressed, and he left the room. I threw on what I could find, and then I invite him back in. When I asked him what the surprise was he just gave me a coy smirk and then he said, "then it wouldn't be much of a surprise now would it." I just gave him the smirk back; I felt a bit of the mischievous aura that was coming from him begin to brew in me. I wish I had time to have a shower this morning, but that didn't work out. Instead on the way out the fact that I had to go to the toilet. I undressed and washed with a facecloth.
By the time I got down the stairs, he had already taken out both of our bikes. It was at that moment that I really felt curious as to what the surprise was. It was like everything had changed overnight, and Ross became this new person altogether. I felt a little bit bashful, surprised even. I felt like everything was moving at a lightyear speed. Though I didn't ask much questions because who would. It was evident that Ross had been up early this morning and he planned what we were going to do today, and it made him adorable. He had this look in his eyes; they weren't sad nor happy. His eyes were a little glassy, but it was like that sort of look you give to someone when you're proud of them. Yeah, that's it. The same kind of look I get for my mam when I come home with an excellent report card. Though I didn't think what Ross had planned would've been this nice. Hell, I've been living here all my life, and I've never found anything like this before. I taught, and I assumed I knew every curve and dip in these lands, but foolishly I didn't. He brought me out by the O'Neill's field on the outskirts of town. We tracked through one of the back fields- which I have no idea who owns it.
As we walked across the field, Ross began a little playful nudging game. He pushed me; I shoved back. It wasn't out of anger anything; it was a playful game. Every time we did it to one another, the rivalry grew stronger between the both of us. Eventually, it got to a point where the two of us were running, and we were both trying to outdo each other. At the same time, Ross knew where he was heading. I had never been this far out in my entire life in this town. Sure probably knew that this field existed but I've never actually walked in it.
Eventually, we came to another slope with a big antenna atop a hill. If you guessed it already, we climb to the top of it. Ross told me to go first because he wanted me to be the first one to see it. And I did; I've never been so scared in all my life. I was clinging to every rung of the ladder all the way up. All I could see directly in front of me was my hands, the metal framing for the structure and nothing but green in every direction. I was afraid to look down or look up. While I was climbing, I continued telling myself 'just keep going don't be a pussy.' About halfway up to the top my wrists were starting to give out because I was clenching onto the bars so tightly. The higher I climbed, the colder my hands got. I think it's you know one of those things when metal is cold; yeah well it made my hands even colder. I was climbing for about a good five minutes maybe. I'm not too sure how long. I was contemplating to myself whether I was going to make it to the top.Eventually, I did, I scaled to the final platform; my legs were like jelly. I didn't want to look down; I didn't want to look anywhere, I just totally freaked. Then Ross climbed up a second later after me. He was so animated, so excited to show me what he had found. Though at this point I didn't want to move. Even though we were securely safe, I guess you could say on the top of this giant radio antenna or whatever you call it. I assumed that love has driven me mental.
"Hey check this out," Ross asked. I think he worked out how I felt after he said it because I was too afraid to move. Ross glanced over at me and chuckled. When he saw that I wasn't moving, he marched over to me and hunkered down beside me.
"Are you afraid of heights?" Ross asked sincerely. I stuttered back, "no course not." The way I figured it, I guess I didn't sound all that convincing. Because he just chuckled and said, "right, so your cool that were about twenty stories up."
As if I needed to be reminded how high I was. If the hill was about five stories high, then the antenna was about another ten stories. All I had was this sickening feeling in my stomach. The breeze, the breeze yeah that was a scary thought. I locked eyes my unto him, and his eyes were wide with curiosity. His face was so blissful. Mine I guess, mine looked a little bit white. But pushing the sickening feeling in my gut to the side I said, "not so much. But if you like it, I'm willing to give it a try." And you know what he did, he etched his eyes directly at mine, then he moved back alluringly and suggestive.
"Come see this; I can see your house from here." As petrified as I was, I scurried along on my hands and knees all the way over to where Ross was standing. I grabbed onto the railing that encircled the top of the tower and glanced there between the gaps in the framing, and you know what I could see my house. I saw the entire town; I could make out Carl's home in the distance. The view I witnessed today was phenomenal, I could see the lake and my school. I could see everything for miles; this was better than any tree could ever provide. In all my years I have never even known this existed. And the weird way I'm rather happy I now know that it exists. Not that I'd climate ever again; well at least I don't think I will.
I just replied with amazement, "yeah I can see it. Look there's the lake and my church." He didn't say anything he just glanced down at me when I looked up at him. When I looked back out, he hunkered down to my level. I felt his hand on my back, and I glanced across, at him. The expression on his face wasn't a smile anymore; it was like a longing gaze he was giving me. All I could contemplate was the rush of the wind hitting my ears. Every so often Ross's hair would blow a small but when a gust of wind caught has locks. I targeted his lovely eyes, and suddenly I didn't feel afraid anymore.
I guess I must've been shaking and he picked up on my uneasiness. At that moment everything was so intense that I lost all track of time and I brought my lips to his. I kissed him; I actually kissed him on the mouth. His lips are so soft and puffy. They were just the right amount of moist, and they contained a delicate touch of boyish charm.
Though it didn't end there because after I broke the kiss, we went back for another one. Only this time the two of us got back into it. In this case, it wasn't a simple two-second kiss, no. Instead, this kiss lasted for about 15- 20 seconds; and all I could think about while I was sucking the face of Ross was- was I doing it right. I've never really done this before, so I'm not sure if I was doing correctly. My heart was racing; I felt so free and alive. Eventually, we broke the kiss, the two of us just coyly grinned at each other after we had done. He plopped down and rested against the fencing. He slid across to me. Ross got all bashful, then shy before he started laughing. I guess I can say I start laughing too, or more importantly at his cuteness because all I could do was smile. I guarantee I looked maniacal; because the smile on my face was probably so god damn wide. Grinning from ear to ear but how goddamn happy I was. I'm still exuberant right now, is this right. Am I supposed to feel all funny and tingly inside for hours?
We just sat there for a few minutes and recomposed ourselves. When said, "Adam can I ask you something?" I glanced up from my lap and smiled at him, "you can ask me anything," I said. He just smiled that dreamy expression; however, he looked a little distracted though, like he had something on his mind. I figured something was up and then I asked, "what is it?" Ross swooped his head low and then said, "I'm gay." I took a moment to think of a viable response I just chuckled and said, "no shit..." The two of us just erupted into a little laugh; when I say little, I mean the type where your throat tickles. Ross looked away at me being all nervous like, glancing at his legs. "So It doesn't bother you," he said.
I gave him a deadpan expression and cracked a gentle smile. Arching my eyebrows, I said, "Nawh… Besides, I think I'm too." Ross squeezed his two hands into a ball which rested either side of his hips on the cold metal. It was like he was appraising himself for getting something off his chest, and on top of that that I accepted it.
That was it he showed me this lovely view; I don't think I'll ever forget it or climb the tower again. It is too high for my liking. The climbing back down was another funny story. On the way back down, I was half scared to look up or down, but I somehow managed to get all the way back to the ground.
He was climbing above me; I didn't want to put him in danger in case I accidentally slipped. I didn't fall though. I don't think I'd want to experience that either.
When I reached the ground, I was legitimately shaking. I wasn't shaking about the height I had just dared to climb and got away with it. I was just so pumped up my adrenaline kicked in. For the rest of the day, Ross and I just sat there on the hillside before heading back. I challenged him to a game of cards; he won the first game and second.
However, I won the fourth the fifth and the sixth round. So, I don't think I qualify as a loser anymore when it comes to cards and after all. I have a pretty good teacher. I need to think of something unique because Ross must've been looking around for that place for ages. I wonder how we found out about it, maybe I should ask him. Perhaps I can arrange some sort of date; like bring him out to the lake or something like that. We'd have a lovely meal, which I'll have prepared for him… like a picnic. Just minus the flowers because of course, he's a boy. All right well I should be going been a long day I have some planning to do – night Adam.
The End Of Entry 20