It's not every day I attached a piece of music to my stories. However, I beleive this entry should have music in its own right. Especially the second segment of the entry.
As They Say - Entry 37
9th July 1991
It's absurd to believe that I filled most of the morning moping around cleaning up after Ross's birthday party. I've never worked for a party for someone like that before: not even Eli or Carl. I enjoyed all the buildup of anticipation to hosting the party and then when the party went off without a hitch it made me even prouder. I'm still a little strung, however, that Emma didn't turn up. It's not that I hate her or anything. She could've at least turned up for Ross's sake; I don't know why she has to be such a bitch about it. Yeah turn it down Adam; lousy language when speaking about someone behind there back is not acceptable. Therefore as I was saying, I cleaned up the remains of what once was the party. Ross was up bright and early which made everything harder to grasp that he was going home. I was out sweeping my backyard patio for probably about 20 minutes before Ross came around the side and graced me with his smile.
God, I'm going to miss that smile. I think the vital element here is to remain in touch with Ross after he leaves. If I stay in contact with him, then everything will turn okay. How long though will that last, I'm unsure. Will it place a strain on our relationship or will I go mental first from not seeing him? I can already taste it, a deep dark sided depression creeping its way over me. Suddenly when he leaves the sadness will rain down from the cloud like guilt. It was comforting to recognise that while the two of us worked tidying up, a familiar sentiment brewed in the air. It was like the both of us didn't have to say anything that we knew our time was running short. On the second day when I met him, I never considered that the act of losing him would be a daunting notion. I now know how it touches my heart or least I believe I will grow to understand that everything in life seems to have a way of putting people in the right place at the right time; Even if you're not ready to take such a leap of faith. Perhaps if Ross hadn't turned up at all, I don't imagine I would've been as brave as I have been over the last couple months. That boy has been extraordinary on so many levels that I cannot seem to sum up in one sentence.
As we plucked up the loose assortments of a night to remember we remained unusually quiet, the piece was a little work of heaven. For once in my life, it felt good satisfying not to talk because if I did, I presume a headache would've been brooding. It appeared like a good idea that when we were finished, we'd make sure that the both of us had each other's home addresses.
So as we had brunch, Ross sat at the table. Furthermore, I went looking for a pen and paper. While I was rummaging about, I couldn't seem to find any, so I went upstairs to my bedroom. I ripped some of the rear pages out of this book; which reminds me that now I need to get a new book because there are fewer pages in the diary. After I had pulled out the paper from the binder, I sat down on the edge of my bed and began to cry. My heart seemed remarkably weak at that time. Though I knew that Ross was waiting for me, so I tried not to linger, I ran to the bathroom and washed my eyes: secretly hoping that Ross wouldn't take heed of slightly red eyes.
I'm grateful to say that by the time I touched the bottom of the stairs my eyes had somehow returned to an average stature. The redness had toned down when I studied hallway mirror. Resurfacing in the kitchen, I sat down at the table opposite of Ross. From there the two of us proceeded to trade home phone numbers and addresses for mail. Usually, whenever we do something, there's always that form of tinge in the air that presents itself like a mischievous scheme of energy. The so-called life form did not present itself today, however. Everything revolving around the table contorted to a stillness which when I think about it logically now it's bothersome. For the greatest proportion of the day afterwards, we simply hung around, but the enjoyment wasn't there. So, we both cut it short, I've been sitting here in my room for the last four hours or so and I can't think of anything better to do. I taped Ross's information into the front of the book because every time I open the book and notice it, it will be a simple reminder to continually check the mailbox to ensure that the next letter that he has sent has arrived. I know that it will probably drive myself crazy wondering every moment when the postman will speed up that road and get out of his car and deliver the letters.
Anyhow, I think I've had enough for tonight; therefore I'm just going to go brood for a little bit more. Night- Adam.
10th July 1991
Something happened today... though I'll get the little shit out of the way first. Today I woke early. I ambled down to the castle about 9 o'clock. Mam told me that she might not be there for lunch because a meeting with the town officials was taking place for some proposed plot to build windmills near our town and my mam is determined to shut the idea down. So, I forgot to take my key, meaning I left without it. I've no idea why I will rose early. When I arrived at the location, there was a certain ambience to it. A comfort if I shall say so, it's hard to explain. I got a comfort from being there. Every time I glanced up towards the lake, swivelled my head toward the castle everything instantly became about Ross.
I was sitting there well over an hour listening to the birds and the water trickling in and out on the shore. I observed the sun rising higher and shift to a more dominant position in the blue sky. Eventually, I decided that I felt a little better. If I am to make the most of the last week, then I'm not going to sit around my ass and let everything deteriorate when we have as little time left as it is. So, as I was about to leave I stopped shy of the castle.
There was a sheer attractiveness to the ruin that I had never noticed before and well... this time it was nostalgic. It feels old and happy at the same time. Although I can't seem to comprehend how it appears like that. I had already mounted my bicycle; unhitching my leg back over the seat, I lay down my bike and approached the castle. Before I knew it, I was standing in the middle of the square room glancing up at the blue sky shrouded with ivory vines through a narrow opening where the roof once was.
Eventually, I looked at what was at eye level; I progressed towards a wall and ran my hand along it. As I trailed and traced my fingertips along the dusty surface a small proportion of loose stone fell out of the wall. It had been in the mortar, and the rock that had fallen out was presumably the size of my palm. With that, I plucked it up from the ground and stared absently at it. Unsure of what I was supposed to do it but somehow an idea formed in my head. I could give it to Ross to take home to London, this very stone. This place has more sentimental value to the both of us. Than any other place I know of and… So, I forced another piece of rubble out of the mortar. As it is now, I have a bit of the ruin, and I kept the particular part that fell out first for Ross. I'm saving it for him, I didn't give it to him yet I want the timing to be right, so I'm trying to plan it out my head when I should give it to him.
Not to mention that when I got home, I asked my dad could he take me up to see Carrauntoohil with Ross on Saturday. So, it's official; I'm going to climb the highest mountains in Ireland with Ross... and dad. Maybe I should ask the boys if they want to come along. Though I can't take a lot of people because we only have two extra seats. I'm not too sure who I would choose if I were to ask. It still indicates that two people are going to be left behind or if I’m talking to Emma by then: three people. Perhaps I should make this thing with Ross meaningful. No friends, just me and him.
Just after lunch, Ross knocked in. He said that he had tried earlier on, except I was out at the time. Consequently, we decided to hang out for the afternoon. Ross, Carl and I headed into town to catch some sights and sounds. Not that there was much to do. Perhaps before Ross goes, we could stop by the Sunday market after we come back from climbing Carrauntoohil.
We end up stealing some apples from the church tree again, and sure enough, the priest came out this time and started shouting at us. I'm more worried that he saw my face and knows who I am: considering priests seem to know everybody. I must be in the clear however because the religious order didn't knock on my door. Later we grew bored, we ambled down to the lakeside and voted to have a dip in the water. The ironic part is that we undressed so that we could swim right down to our underwear. Assuming that by the time we got out of the water we would have dry clothes. Except we did have dry clothes when we got out of the water just no towels. We splashed around for a little bit, and that was fun until Carl said that he needed to head back to help out his father on the farm. Alternatively, we stead in the water, and we waved goodbye for a little bit. Eventually, we grew tired and clambered on out of the water to dry a little bit and then got dressed to head home for lunch.
Strolling alongside Ross and I talked about how the trek up the mountain would be on Saturday. Of course, I told him about it. I didn't let it go unnoticed. After all, he did know about it, and I felt that he needed to be clued in on such details. It wasn't exactly a surprise anymore, so I didn't see the harm in letting him know. As we were walking by the O'Neill's field, a big black cloud started to roll in from the west. Quickly there was a downpour of heavy rain, and if you guessed it, Ross and I got caught right in the bloody middle of it. I have never felt anything so harsh against the top of my head and face. It came out of nowhere, and it was like a typhoon. Now, of course, Ross and I ran the rest of the way to our houses. The two us abruptly said goodbye to each other once we reached the convergent point of the two driveways. I ran up my side of the stretch and Ross his, the accumulation of the rain bounced against my face and ran down it. When I got to my door, I started digging into my pocket only I couldn't find my key. When I lifted the small cat statue by the door, the emergency key was gone too. In part panic, I ran back down the driveway and reverted to the Wilson's drive and knocked on the front door. A moment transpired before the door opened and Ross stood on the other side still soaking wet as was I.
Ross smiled bashfully at me, and I beamed back. Giving a slight chuckle, I said, "I can’t find my key… Can I come in?" Ross stepped aside, and he let me in. He had been drying his hair when he answered the door to me and now since I was an addition of leakage Ross dropped the towel that he was using to wipe himself on the floor beneath my feet.
“Take off your shoes; and come up and get some clothes and a towel to dry yourself.”
In the confusion of trying to kick off my shoes, I clumsily ditched them atop the discarded towel. I watched as Ross darted up the stairs and disappeared. Ross's cheeks were a brooding red from the cold the rain. While I stood there shivering and soaking, I came to notice that the Wilson's weren’t around. They must've gone to the same meeting that my parents had gone, figuring that Ross and I were alone. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to follow Ross upstairs like this in a soaking wet manner. Though I cautiously crawled up the stairs just in case that's what he wanted me to do.
When I joined the landing area, I subconsciously made my way to his room. The door was ajar, and that's where I figured he was. When I made my way into Ross's bedroom, however, he brushed past me with an extra towel handing it to me. "Here…" He said as he sped across the room. Ross fumbled about as he opened his wardrobe and dug out two sets of clothes out. One set for him and one set for me. He placed the clothing down on the desk behind him and said that they were for me and I thought it was kind that he was offering me his clothes. I would've done the same thing anyway regardless if he asked, I don't know why it just seems like the natural thing to do. I assume anybody would draw to that conclusion if you had a friend or a family member. The last thing you want for someone you care about is to die you from ammonia. The roar from the rain outside drowned out the outside world.
Ross plopped his garments down on the edge of the bed with his towel, and he made his way towards me; he narrowly exited the bedroom for a moment, and I made my way over towards the apparel to starting getting dried and dressed. I began to pull up my T-shirt with some difficulty, and I used the towel to wipe my torso. Evidently, while he was gone, I ditched my tracksuit bottoms, and I started to dry my legs. I wrapped the towel around myself, unhitched my underwear and began to wipe my privates.
Rummaging through the clothes that he gave; I opted out from wearing a pair of his underwear. Instead, I put on the pair of shorts that he had given me and a pair of socks. When I glanced back toward the table, the only thing that was left on the table was the underwear.
Unsure if I should take something from his wardrobe, I decided to wait for a moment until Ross came back. I didn't have to wait very long because he came back in the door and peeled off his T-shirt and dropped it by the door. Ross plucked up the towel that he'd set down and began to dry himself. I couldn't help but notice how beautiful he is. The spectacle was something from the deepest depths of my imagination which can only seem to happen there. I didn't want to disturb him as he dried himself, but nervously I asked, "hey em… can I borrow a T-shirt?"
Ross pivoted up from drying his arm and pointed towards the wardrobe, "in their, first shelf…" He said in a little bit of a fluster. He coyly smiled and then returned his attention to his arm. I closed the distance between the wardrobe became overwhelmed with the number of clothes he has.
Shifting my attention back to Ross who remained in the small little-confined bubble he was in I asked unwillingly again, "do I take any?"
This time around held his concentration and said, "take any…”
I let a sigh of relief exhale from the sight that was unfolding before me. I could feel an erection beginning to take place. As if it wasn't the perfect time for such a thing to happen. I scolded myself hoping that it would go down. I continued what I had set out to do. I started to rummage through the T-shirts. I considered a simple black one would do the trick and like that, I pinched my thumb and index together on the fold of the T-shirt and dragged it out from the shelf. Subsequently, as the T-shirt dangled in my hand, a small book plummeted to the floor, and a dull thud ricocheted throughout the room.
I glanced over at Ross who had stopped drying himself, and he sheepishly looked back at me. He seemed nervous; there was this visceral oddness in the room. Something had entered the room that shouldn't have come to the bedroom. That's when it clicked. I swooped my head down toward the book on the floor which lay discharged with a couple of photographic material spewed out of the side of the book. It appeared to be magazine material; it looked like it was freshly ripped out of an issue. I hunkered down, and I don't know why but I began to gather up the loose sheets of paper that had come out of the concealment and gathered them together. On the pieces of paper, there were men, shirtless and with really defining abs too. Not only was there one but there was a handful of them, of men shirtless in a variety of poses. The notion of what I had found ploughed through my brain like a train would plummet at full speed into a long tunnel. I had seen Ross's masturbatory material, and somehow the concept of what he used it for was exciting. I guess you could say with the growing arousal that I had prior to pulling out the T-shirt, had begun to morph and I was starting to get hard.
Before I could get a word in to ask anything; Ross marched across the room, snapped it out of my hands and took a step back. "You can't look at that," he anxiously said. It was like his pride had been bombarded, and he didn't know how to react as to me finding such vulnerable content that he had hidden. I immediately felt guilty because well… I didn't mean to offend him or anything it just happened.
To break the monotony of the moment, I tried to inject some humour into it to persuade him that it was okay. "That was a lot of abs…" I said.
Ross immediately blushed; I began to chuckle and then soon after that Ross lost it and started giggling harder. What followed was a moment of silence at the brief awkwardness of the entire situation. Ross was standing so close to me; you know what? When Ross is embarrassed, he is adorable. I think I understand why I fell for him, although when Ross's laugh dwindled and he took on a firm stance once again. I pulled back with the mockery.
Ross leaned back towards the wardrobe and slid the book back into its slot and re-hid it beneath T-shirts. After he withdrew, the two of us were centimetres from each other. Ross was half undressed and wet, and I well… I was still shirtless. The allure of the moment was welcomed. Given that the two of us were in close quarters and I could feel his nervous but erratic breathing grace my face. I leaned and planted my lips on his and sucked on his upper-lip as I believed that was what I was supposed to do. The passion I felt is unruly, and I'm absolute that there is no way I can describe what I was feeling other than a fire that came to life in my chest when I did it. The moment was right, it felt right, and I hope he felt okay with me doing it.
I did not have to wait long to appreciate the return of affection. Ross gave a bashful, but a coy peck on my cheek after I broke my long kiss with him. A second later he leaned back, only to be followed by him delivering another kiss.
Although this time Ross planted his lips on mine, I began to kiss again, working yo subtle amount of suction. You what I found out today...? How good kissing is when you get into it, especially if it is deep. I believe that is what I felt today, passion for Ross. Everything felt intimate, and I never felt good on that level before. So unsure what to do; considering I have been interested in Ross for a while now, I figured I'd show that I'm really into him.
I draped my hands loosely under his arms. I wasn't sure what I was doing, except I knew that I wanted to go lower; lower is where I went. I gradually but surely let my arms slide down the length of his hips and then taking the boldest move of all; I let my hands drop down to his ass. I’m not sorry I did it because If I hadn’t have done it, what happened wouldn't have transpired.
Rather when I placed my hands there, I was suspecting Ross to shove me away and say that he didn't like it. Though he didn't preferably, Ross broke the kiss for a second and cheekily grinned at me before going back to kissing. The heat in the moment is odd to put down here because I don’t quite know how to put it. There was just this drive that kept making me act without reflection. Also, on the contrary, since I was already slightly horny from seeing Ross and then the magazine thing. Well, I guess you could say the both of us ended up grinding against each other. Ross planted his arms around my neck, and I continued to love him.
Subsequent a minute of pushing against each other. I could not believe that the two of us would be so naughty about this and break so many rules, however well... we stopped smooching for a moment and the both of us hugged. The pushing motions that Ross was doing was from another world. The stillness of the room added to my auditory soundscape; the small inhales and exhales. The faint mumble, and a little moan of delight. Ross would thrust against me in a circular motion which felt great. Naturally, I humped back, and the sensation which I was deprived off grew new emotions I didn't even know I had. The pressure of his crotch shifting to mine was sexy, and the feeling of the shorts he gave me drove the intensity of the moment up the wall. Considering everything was okay with Ross, and I was sure as hell happy with what was happening. We let both our guards down and well. I began to squeeze his bum.
Ross appeared to like being held that way and I was too afraid to ask for permission, so I continued to do it until Ross's hands dropped from my shoulders and trailed their way down my arms like velvet. Then Ross came to a stop on the side of my thighs. Sly and gentle Ross inched his fingers between the two of our frictions, and that's when I felt his hand touching me down there. I stopped pushing at the fear of cumming too soon; I closed my eyes. All I could hear was his breathing. I wanted the moment to last a lot longer than a measly few seconds. When I opened my eyes and glanced down at my erection, I came to notice that my dick was sticking straight out from the shorts. Ross's penis had devolved a sizeable lump within the confines of his wet jeans. My mind went blank with what Ross was doing, and all I could manage to do was intently observe everything.
Peeking back at Ross, he stood back teasingly. He let his hands slide the length of his stomach and then he began to undo his jeans. This was it, I was going to see it, and god was it hot. I don't think I would have been able to stop even if I wanted to know. I was so turned on and with that Ross placed his hand inside his semi-opened jeans and began to caress his hardness to tease me. His face was so still and serious, and his eyes had this alluring gaze. Subconsciously, I reached down to squeeze my dick which pleaded for attention. When I did that the two of us let out a slight moan, accompanied with an exhale. Ross smiled, so it felt natural only to grin back.
After a minute of pushing our dicks up and down in our hands; Ross finely forced down his jeans and revealed a fairly narrow, but long dick. A small offering of brown hair presented itself above on his pubic mound, and not wanting Ross to feel left out I exposed myself too.
Every part of Ross is just as beautiful as the next; I don't think beauty knows any bounds concerning him.
Ross smirked back at me. The two of us prevailed with the silent and tugged at ourselves. I desired to touch him, though I was afraid to so I just remained quiet and kept stroking. Eventually, the anticipation and the sight of Ross in front of me didn't take me very long to reach the verge of orgasm. After about a minute or two of lively jerking, I was about to cum. I wanted to hold his dick in my hand, but I was afraid to. I didn't want to ruin the moment, and he didn't give any indication as to that's what he wanted to do so I settled for the masturbating in front of each other. Inevitably I came, and a second later Ross came too.
After the both of us came the two of us where to sheepish and shy to talk about what we had both done. Therefore, after that, we remained quiet, got dressed and spoke nothing of it. I got the impression that the both of us ached to say something about what had transpired though as to where to start, who knew.
Nevertheless, I got changed, and everything carried on as usual as if the minute between us never existed. It's funny how one moment in time we were doing that. The next we are back talking about mindless jumble. Is that how love is; you do what you do when you are horny and then just move onto the next subject when you are finished. Hmm… perhaps my perception is wrong. That could be something I will be left trying to learn as there is nobody to guide me.
For the afternoon Ross and I hung out for a little bit. But we didn't talk about the jerk off session. I liked that very much although I was terrified of bringing it up in a conversation. Maybe I should leave it be for a day or two to think of what I’m going to say.
Anyhow I'm exhausted, from being up earlier than usual, and everything else in-between I'm going to hit the hay. The events of today, however, I will never forget as long as I live. I can't explain it, but I have a pleasant sensation in my chest and well… I'm glad I didn't let my brain do all the thinking on this one.
The End Of Entry 37
Thanks to Samual - AKA - Cynus for choosing to support me on Pateron.