A Case Of Jitter - Chapter 5
By D.K. Daniels
Guilt… Guilt… yep, that's what I'm feeling at present. Served up by one or two familiar faces dilatory to Andrew, they came to a clumsy stop, absently bashing into his shoulder.
Quizzically Andrew queried, “Jacob!" He glanced at his footwear and then back up before proceeding. "I thought you were helping your dad today…?"
Scrambling my brain for any reasonable excuse, I'm rousing panic. I should've simply told Andrew the truth, except instead, I aspired to beat around the bush because I'm too much of a pussy to say it to his face. Digging deep into the pits of hell, I attempt to conjure up an alibi as to why I am here and with a friend too. I could state that my dad finished early and he said I could go out and do whatever I fancied. No... I don't think he'd accept such a trick; anyhow trustworthiness is overrated half the time. What if he hates me if I told him the reality, plus I obtained second guesses thereby meeting him afresh. It's not like I don't want to know him it's merely everyone's opinion is going to be voiced when they hear that I'm a faggot. The most reasonable excuse I can come up with at present is that my dad had admittedly brought me to Lowe's today to get the lumber and then afterward's I helped him unload it in the backyard. Except my dad didn't want my help because he knows how much I screw up when it comes to helping. I could declare dad hates me getting under his feet while he's trying to do a day's labor, and all I can appear to do is cause frustration on his behalf.
Affirming the scenario is the best plausible idea as to how I ended up in Trampoline World, I faltered on my words.
"I did earlier. I helped my dad get the wood and… I went home and helped him take it out of truck… He doesn't like me helping him sometimes because I kind of get in the way…”
Andrew smirked. Moreover, I let a sigh signaling everything showed to be okay, save I can tell that Andrew is still slightly skeptical about the whole fence situation. Contemplating, I conclude that letting everyone join in for the afternoon is probably the best way to close up any loose ends of this complete misunderstanding of my father and I building a fence. I cannot understand why I use such as stupid excuse in the first place. Dad and I would never construct fencing; we have a brick wall. Oh God, what if Andrew came over to my house if we happen to get friendlier. Andrew will notice that I have no fence and I lied to him twice. I need to start considering more clearly as to what I'm saying because if I make this a habit, I'll end up forgetting what I'm actually articulating.
"Do you wanna group up with August and me? I suggested.
It was more in a question of hope than to say beg; if the situation presented itself for me to beg, I don't think I'm pushed one way or the other as to get down on my knees and demand Andrews attention. Although nevertheless what my mam always says, is that you should never give up a good thing if it is the only thing that makes you happy. I suppose in a way what Andrew made me feel the other evening was pleasing in a sense, expect not a normal happy because I am quite satisfied as it is now. I mean in an odd way, happy in the long run. The other night when we had the date, I felt like I could breathe and nothing was holding me back. Also, you know what, it was empowering. I never felt that way before, and I believe I should do anything in my power to make it happen again. Perhaps I ought to try and fix the problem I have created, figuring I designed one, I'm unsure if one exists at present.
“Are you sure you’re not too busy…?” Andrew quipped.
Ouch, yep that hurt and it's not like I intentionally meant for it all to come to a head when I dissed him. It’s not that I don’t like it, I assume he’d know, that right? Rooted deep in the translation I bombard my brain with all the plausible outcomes, and now when I realize it, it makes me come off as a dickless turd. Insisting that the truth is the best way to go about the course of events, I assure myself it is in both our benefits. The mystery as to why I even lied in the first place remains unclear. I wonder when the facts will surface, and come clear, perhaps next month… hell, make it next fall.
Offering, "I’m sorry for lying… I shouldn’t have said that I was helping my dad with a fence… we don’t even have a fence, but a brick wall.”
Sensing my track record for lying dwindle only a tidbit, I reflect for a moment before snorting at personal amusement. A second later Andrew grinned and for me the smile means everything. I can lament in silence that the only other gay kid I know is okay with me having lied to his face. I expected his reaction being much worse, but I don't believe Andrew is the type of person my diagnosis conjured. Andrew has always been a gentle, nurturing type character. Therefore it is hard to contemplate him ever being deliberately hurtful or malevolent to benefit his need. Come to think of it; however, I didn't set out to harm either. I solely wish to be myself, and since it is near next to impossible for me to do such a task at home, I must keep a piece of Andrew around; this makes sense.
Staring at August, he stood awkwardly, unsure of what to correctly do with his existence. Currently, I feel a little horrible now for having to invite Andrew in on our plans without confronting August first to discuss it.
Auggie is that sort of person, he'd want you to talk about it and why you are doing. August likes people to be honest; Auggie right now does not look one bit happy. Deep down I know he would be okay with it. Still, it didn't cross my mind… well, this is all assuming, for all I know Auggie could despise having the only known gay kid in our year standing right next to us and how would that make him feel if he hates us, gay people, if I told him equivalent to Andrew. Devastated is what comes to memory, soon to be followed by an endless silence from his behalf, though of course, I am only generalizing here and you know what dad says about that.
Wearing a brave face, I attempt to ease the implement into action.
“Auggie… this is Andrew… Andrew, August is my best friend.”
Closely monitoring the boy's eye, each other skeptically, I fear that this incentive is not going to go down as a sign to remember. August's eyelids, flickered, wavered up and down as if ocean swells. Auggie is obviously and quite frankly sizing Andrew up. The notion is sickening that August is taking so long to shake hands with him. Neither of them is shaking hands. Letting a gentle smile warm his face August offered out his hand, and Andrew lightly gripped Auggie's hand, and the both of them off-set any misconceptions, meekly.
“Hey,” each of the boys said, within a delayed unison.
The both of them then broke hand’s and Andrew offered out his support to the boys accompanying Andrew and started greeting them two and that made me feel a whole lot better. Without wasting time, Andrew introduced me to his two friends. I have seen the guys in school and as far as talking to them goes, that is a no-show. Despite, I feel oddly relaxed and proud at the same time because I have brought two social groups together that don't usually converse freely with each other, and the ironic thing is nobody is fighting… yet. Let's hope it remains the same way because the last thing I want now is having to deal with a rowdy misinterpretation between a couple of hormonal boys.
The first boy introduced himself as Jake. He’s not all that much to look at, just an everyday regular old teenager. The boy has a slight- slim build, or what is commonly in fashion among my peer group and moreover a pair ridiculous discerning hipster glasses. The spectacles sit unevenly on his small face, shielding his azure eyes. The teenager also has an absurd hairstyle at it too. His chestnut brown hair is naturally curly, and I can't help but notice that it is incredibly healthy and seems good.
However, talk about fleek, the second boy has gorgeous eyebrows. I have no idea why my recollection has picked up on that, although it is the most recognizable trait about him. The boy has a copper tint emanating from his hair. His eyes are emerald green, a slight tan to the nice weather we've been having… wait what good weather? The only decent weather we've had in the last month or two is last night.
I have regarded the boy roaming the halls of school occasionally, but I've never seen him with a tan. Possibly he recently came back from a vacation. I recall how I did miss noticing him in the passageways the last two weeks. Plus, to also second that motion I didn't see him at the 8th-grade dance. It could be presumingly that he was away when the dance was taking place, and that is why he has a tan. Then again, he could have been at the event last night, and I didn't make any notice to him because I was too busy worrying about what people would think seeing me with Andrew. I know him from afar, Lee is his name as far as I remember correctly. According to from what I've heard here's a nice chap, and of course, popular with the ladies. I can see why because his slender, yet oddly muscular frame is intoxicating when the moment you set eyes on it. It draws you in and sucks you into a whole other world where you can only indulge in adolescence indulges.
Once the barriers came crashing down, I could feel myself slipping and relaxing as the atmosphere quietened down under, and no tension to be held accountable between Andrew and I. If anything, the afternoon progressed onward, and everyone got on for the most part. There was a time where August had a bit of huff, when Jake, one of the boys who was tagging along with Andrew, said something that Auggie found insulting. I didn't stand around to see what was going to happen. I tried diffusing the situation, and it worked, thankfully. After the hype died down with the assemblage and everything began to get boring, I said my goodbyes and August, and I left.
On the bike ride home, Auggie started talking about Andrew, and he came out and said to me, "dude you know that Andrew guy is gay right?"
Reverting my attention to August and nodding my head in the part terror and repulsion. Even the word gay sounds like a plague to me, and I feel that way… Gay.
The End Of Part 5
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