Light Of The Darkness

Dr. Hart left. She had attempted to get me to open up to her, but I asked her to put off our interview as I was feeling ill. Her attitude was troubling to me. She obviously saw me as a child, which, on her world, I technically was. However, I had been a soldier for many years: I had led other soldiers into war. Regardless of what she thought, I was in no respect a child as Dr. Hart conceived them, and I knew that she could pose problems for me. I needed to be careful in my dealings with her.

"Are you feeling well, Captain Becker?" Asked Dr. Velmak as the counselor left in a huff.

"I'm okay. I'm hungry."

"We shall prepare you a nutritious meal that will be gentle on your digestive system. It will take some time for it to regain its normal efficiency. Would you care for another liquid supplement?"

"Yes, please," I requested. "It was very good. What was the flavoring you used?"

"Vanilla. It is indigenous to the tropical regions of Terra. I will have Lieutenant Saunders bring you one."

Dr. Velmak motioned to the woman next to me. She smiled at me and said, "Right away," as she walked out the door. I'l bring you a plate of food as well.

"Thank you," I smiled in return. "Dr. Velmak, is your engineer ready to work on the link to Cam?" I asked.

He replied, "Let me inquire on your behalf. One moment please."

While the doctor made his call, I called Cam.

Ready to work with their engineers?

As ready as I will be, Cam answered. It shouldn't be too much of an issue. It's mostly data exchange. I'm going to ask for access to their history files. Maybe I can get a better idea of what this Starfleet and United Federation of Planets is all about.

Have you been listening in?

Yes. My inclination is to trust these people. The question is, do you trust them?

I thought about it for a moment. Let me talk more with the captain some more. Once I see where he is at, I'll have a better feeling if they're trustworthy.

Regardless, I am not going to give them technological information unless it is necessary to maintain your health, Dane, Cam said seriously, Not until I can analyze more information. Once I come to a conclusion, I'll let you know.

Thanks, Cam. How are you going to communicate with their people?

Cam replied, I can speak to them through their ship's communications initially, and then through whatever method they would prefer.

Okay. Let me know if you need anything.

I will, Cam confirmed. In the mean time, get some food into your body. The drinks are good, but you need real food to start your systems. Start with something soft for the first few days or whatever the doctor recommends.

The nurse is getting me some food, so I will be.

Good. The ship's engineer just came into the shuttle bay, Cam informed me. He is asking me to speak with him.

You have your orders. Use your discretion.

 

Very well. I'll contact you if necessary.

 

I lay on the biobed quietly pondering my situation. Cam's revelation that he could cripple the Legion's computer system would have given me a chance to do some damage if there had been a way for me to go home, but since time and distance were against me, it was just a thought exercise.

Several minutes later, Lieutenant Saunders was standing next to my bed.

"Here you are, Captain Becker," she said, handing me a glass with another nutrient drink. She placed a plate of food on a table in the corner and then helped me to sit in a chair. "I got you a selection of soft foods that you might enjoy. If there is something you don't like, don't eat it."

"Thank, you, Lieutenant," I responded, taking a sniff of a green substance in a bowl on the plate. It smelled delicious, but then again, I was hungry.

"That is split pea soup with ham. It is one of my favorites," the woman said with a smile.

I cautiously took a sip from the spoon and sighed as its flavor danced across my tongue.

"That's really very good. It's the best food I've had in centuries," I quipped with a grin.

The nurse laughed. "You know, if I didn't know your circumstances, that would be the corniest line ever."

I just smiled and took another bite of the savory soup.

Dane, after you are done eating, I'd like you to come back to the landing bay and armor up. We need to make sure your body is doing okay and see if your digestion is proceeding as it should.

Sure, Cam.

"Lieutenant Saunders, Cam is asking that I armor up so he can scan my systems after I finish eating."

"That's fine," she answered. "Before you go, though, I'd like to take another scan on the biobed so I can measure the before and after effects." She smiled. "And please, call me Jackie."

"Thank you, Jackie. I'm Dane, but you already know that," I replied with a shy smile.

I climbed back up onto the biobed and lay flat while the machine scanned my body. I watched Jackie as she observed the readings, and then saw her frown.

"Hold on just a minute, sweetie," she said as she abstractedly patted my shoulder and turned away toward Dr. Velmak's office. A moment later, the two of them returned.

"Right here." She indicated something on a screen I couldn't see from where I was.

"What is it?" I demanded. "Can I get up and look?" I asked, curious as to what had actually been done to me."

"Sure, hon," Jackie affirmed softly and extended her hand to help me down.

"Okay, what are you seeing?"

After a short pause and a meaningful look at the Vulcan beside her, Jackie said, "We found something in this scan that we didn't see before. We saw a mesh implant that surrounds the upper half of your brain like a net from the visual centers in the occipital lobe, around the left and right temporal lobes and over your frontal lobe. There is also a transmitter over and behind your right ear, which you told us about."

"Right," I agreed, "I knew that there was something, but I didn't realize it was that extensive."

She sighed and pointed to the image of my brain on the screen. "It's this here," she said indicating what looked like a thin cylinder of material running from the center of my brain down toward where my spinal column began. "This part of your brain is called the brain stem. It's the part of your brain that controls your breathing and heartbeat."

"Okay..." I asked leadingly, hoping that she would quickly get to the point.

"See that piece of material right there that's next to it?" She asked. "It's... it's..."

Nurse Saunders looked at Dr. Velmak helplessly, obviously not wanting to give me the bad news.

"Tell me, please," I requested stoically.

Dr. Velmak spoke in an emotionless tone. "The material of concern runs along your brain stem here. That material is connected to the device over your right ear."

I asked, "What does it do?"

"The composition of the device indicates that it is a shaped explosive charge designed to kill you on command by destroying the brain stem."

Cam, is that the fail-safe?

Yes, that is the fail-safe, Cam confirmed.

Can it be removed? I demanded.

"Can it be removed, Doctor?" Jackie asked simultaneously.

Cam remained silent as the Vulcan spoke. "The lead wires of the device penetrate and are wrapped around the brain stem in such a way that it can not be removed without risk of death. Not even transporter technology could safely remove the device.

He's right, Dane. Any tampering with it could cause it to detonate. The good news is that I completely control the signal. The only way it could go off now is if there is some sort of malfunction, and the only way that can happen is if some sort of damage occurs.

"Cam says that the explosive is what the system used to terminate pilots when necessary," I informed the two adults. "He also says that tampering with it will set it off, but that he has total control over the detonation, meaning that he has disabled the signals. I guess that's the best we can do."

"I can't believe what they've done to you," whispered Nurse Saunders, tears streaming down her face.

"It is what it is," I replied calmly. "I can't change it."

"But..."

"I can only deal with what is, not what I wish it could be."

The woman rushed to me and hugged me tightly, her tears falling onto my forehead. I let her hold me for a moment, and then gently disengaged myself.

"Cam wants me to armor up. Can you help me back to the shuttle bay?" I asked her.

"Sure." She took hold of my arm and helped me shuffle my way down the corridor to where Cam was located. Once there, a crewman helped me climb back in. I donned the helmet I had left there, and ordered Cam to seal the suit and engage the suspension field.

Cam, what could we do if we could go home right now? I wondered. Could you formulate a plan to take down the Legion?

I haven't dedicated any more thought to it, and yes, I could, but Dane....

I know... I know it's pointless, but could you spend some time on it?

Dane, why do you want me to do this? Cam asked plaintively. It's a complete waste of effort.

What else are you going to do with your time? I asked pointedly.

After a short pause, Cam responded, Very well. I'll do it if it will make you feel better.

Good. Now, if you don't need me, I'm going to try and sleep.

Go ahead. I'll wake you so you have time to wash before their dinner hour.

Thanks.

---

Dane, Captain Hollister is waiting for you. I told him you were sleeping and that I would wake you.

Thanks, Cam, I responded and attempted to stretch my arms and legs, but ran into the rigid limbs of the mech.

Sorry, Dane. If you stretch, you might accidentally cause some damage.

No problem, I acknowledged. Did you get the bio-readings you needed while I was napping?

Yes, and I managed to do a minimal balance, so you should be fine for a few hours. Your digestive tract is working as well as can be expected after the long cryo-suspension.

Thanks again. I suppose I should talk to the captain. Disengage suspension field. Open hatch.

Kinetic Suspension Field disengaged. Hatch opening. Stand by, Cam said through the status channel. A pop sounded as the chest plate opened.

"Thank you for waiting, Captain Hollister," I said as soon as there was a large enough gap to take off my helmet.

"That's fine, Captain Becker. I trust that all is well?"

I took the transducer from the helmet and fit it over my ear. "Yes sir. Cam was able to provide a minimal balance, so operating extra-armor for a few hours won't be an issue."

"You can join my officers and me for dinner, then?" Asked the man.

"Yes, sir, that would be nice," I agreed, "but I can't guarantee I'll be able to eat the complete menu."

"Fair enough. Crewmen, help Captain Becker out of his armor, please."

As the two men lifted me out of Cam and gently set me on my feet, the captain said, "I understand from my engineers that they have created an interface that will allow for information exchange between Cam and our computer. Is there anything in particular we can provide you with in exchange for what you give us?"

"As a gesture of good faith, I think an exchange of histories would be warranted. It will allow me to judge the Federation by its own actions and allow you to know more about the world I come from."

The Captain thought about it for a moment. "Agreed. I'll instruct the Chief Engineer to allow access to our unclassified histories."

Cam, do the same.

Already on it, Dane.

"Cam is already transferring the data."

"Excellent." The captain led the way out of the shuttle bay and to a small room barely larger than a closet. "Officer's Mess." A second after the captain spoke, the small room began moving. Noticing my surprise, the captain apologized. "Forgive me, Captain. I had forgotten that you have yet to experience a turbolift. This is how we rapidly move between different parts of the ship."

"The movement caught me by surprise, sir. No reason to apologize, and please, call me Dane."

"All the same, Dane, it was rude of me. And please, call me Ben."

"With all due respect, Captain, it would be inappropriate to address the master of a ship by his first name on his own vessel. I wouldn't feel comfortable."

"Would you then do me the honor of addressing a friend by his first name?" The man asked, his sincere, serious expression catching me by surprise. It was obvious that his question held a meaning far deeper than it would indicate on the surface.

"Why would you call me friend?" I inquired quietly. "What do we have between us that would move you to ask this of me?"

The man stared intently into my eyes for a long second. "Computer, change destination. Bridge." The turbolift acknowledged the order. "I think it would be best if we discuss this in private before we eat. Crewman, after you assist Captain Becker to my ready room, please inform the other officers to begin without us. We'll be along presently."

"Aye aye, sir," the crewmen responded together.

The remainder of the ride in the turbolift was spent in silence. The glances exchanged by the crewmen with us informed me that the captain's manner was not his typical behavior.

The doors slid open to reveal the control center of the ship. It was spacious as such things go, at least to my reckoning.

"Captain on the bridge!" Called the man in the central seat.

"Carry on, Lieutenant," ordered the captain as he strode across the rear of the room toward another set of doors. "I'll be in my ready room until we finish our conversation, and then we will go to the officer's mess for dinner."

"Aye, sir."

The doors in front of Captain Hollister opened and he walked in purposefully. The Crewmen helped me to sit in a chair, and then departed. The doors slid closed behind them, leaving the captain sitting behind his desk, observing me over steepled fingers resting against his pursed lips. I waited patiently, allowing the man to gather his thoughts before speaking. It only took a moment.

"Dane, I grew up in a city called Detroit. It was nothing like what you grew up with, but it was bad enough. The people who bore me gave me up and turned me over to the government because they didn't want me. They put me in a home with two people and three other children. Those... people..." and he spat the word with haunted eyes, "... they did things to us that I hesitate to remember, and have never spoken of."

I watched the man as he studied me. I waited for him to continue.

"To keep this simple, I'll only say this. I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by those who should have cared for me. You were also treated this way, based on what I can gather from what you have told me, only more so to an exponential degree." He met my gaze earnestly. "I feel a kinship with you, Dane. We are brothers, you and I."

"You're old enough to be my father – maybe even my grandfather," I said with a slight smile, trying to defuse the tension in the man.

Captain Hollister matched my weak grin. "That may be, but even so, I would rather be your big brother instead of your father, heaven forbid your grandfather. It makes me feel less old."

"Captain," I began.

"Ben," he interrupted, tapping his desk for emphasis. "I insist."

I sighed. "Ben, I don't know anything different than what I was raised under. I can't any more imagine what it was like for you to grow up as you did than you can imagine what it was like for me."

He waved that aside and rejoined, "The point is, Dane, that by any measure of civilized society, the way you were raised, even more than how I was raised, is immoral and can not be suffered to continue!"

I looked down to hands resting in my lap. "There is no way to know if the situation has changed, Cap... Ben. It's thousands of light years from here and more than twelve thousand years in the past. What was done to me can not be undone."

"Dane..." The man stood from his seat, and I met his eyes. I was surprised to see them filled with tears, and his voice was tight. "It was wrong, and what happened to you is destroying me. It's opening up wounds in myself that I've held closed for my entire life. And to see you here..." the man said with a choked voice, "to see what they've done to you..."

Captain Hollister suddenly stumbled around his desk, and knelt before me, wrapping me in his arms before I could back away. In spite of my urge to escape, I stayed where I was, sitting stiffly while the crying man held me in his embrace. Despite a life spent fearing this kind of contact with adults, my instincts told me there was no threat. A mix of emotions that I had never experienced before filled me, and I struggled to put a name to it. As I fought to identify what I was feeling, my arms rose of their own accord and found their way around the captain. His grasp tightened and his sobs deepened when he felt my arms around him. His sudden constriction threw me off balance, and we rolled onto the floor, still holding each other. It was then that I could sift through the combination of things I was feeling. Sorrow was one I was readily familiar with, as was fear, but this fear was somehow muted by a third emotion I struggled to identify. I had not experienced it in my recollection, but fate had given me the chance to experience it now, with this man. With my brother.

Safety.

---

"The sex stuff started a few weeks after I got to indoc," I said softly as the captain and I sat on the couch in his ready room. "The whole training scheme was based on the absolute authority of anyone senior to you. The first guy who tried to make me do something with him ended up in the infirmary." The captain glanced at me, prompting an explanation. "He tried to make me suck him and warned me not to bite him. I grabbed him by the balls instead and pulled hard enough to do some internal damage. I was found guilty of disobeying direct orders and assault on a superior and got sent to detention for four weeks. I think there was someone else too, but the memory is... missing. It might be the cryo. Anyway, I had a reputation and people left me alone. It let me concentrate on my training and not have to worry about getting raped at night by my squadmates."

"You couldn't appeal?"

"There was no one to appeal to. The commandant was the final authority. He could have had me killed for what I did to the guy who tried to make me do that stuff, but apparently he saw something in me and decided to put me in detention instead of killing me or making me into a slave."

The man looked closely at me and swallowed. "Did anyone ever succeed?"

"In raping me?"

He nodded slowly.

"Yes," I replied bluntly. "Several people. There was a group later on in indoc training that ganged up on me. There were six of them. They caught me in the showers one day. There was another... and again, I'm not sure I have all my memories."

"How did you deal with it?" Ben asked in a whisper, his eyes haunted.

"I don't know," I answered with some confusion. "I just did. It happened so often to so many people that... it was normal."

"I'm sorry, Dane. It should never have been normal. It should never have happened!" Grated Captain Hollister.

"What happened to you?" I asked. "I've told you some of what happened to me."

Hollister hesitated, staring into my eyes. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"When I was ten, I was in a home with a man, woman and their teen-aged son. The boy was seventeen. The first night I was there, he came into my room to talk to me. He was nice, made me feel welcome.

"Two weeks later, he came into my room, and he wasn't so nice. His parents were out of the house. He made me do things with him. I was afraid to fight him because he said he'd tell his parents that he caught me stealing from their room."

The man dropped his gaze to his lap, and his voice dropped to a whisper.

"A month after that, he raped me for the first time. It hurt so much. Every week, when his parents went out, he would come in and rape me again. That went on until I was put in a new home, about a year later. They sent me away because I told them what their son had been doing to me. They called me a liar and I was out of the house that night.

"I was in a house around age 12, maybe the third or fourth one after I had been raped. The man and woman only took me in for the money they got from the state, and they treated me like garbage. The woman tried to get me to have sex with her. The man even said I could do it if he could film it. I managed to get out of that place within a month.

"From then on, every house I went to... every home they put me in... I didn't give anyone a chance to get close enough to hurt me. Several people tried to get me to have sex with them, including some of the adults, but I never did as long as I was in the system.

"I did the best I could in school, but I got moved around quite a bit, and that made it difficult. One day in school, a Starfleet officer gave a presentation. I asked him what it would take to get into the academy. We talked for a while, and he had me take some tests. Since I was in foster care, there was no reason to get parental consent. He took me to the academy the next day, and I've never looked back."

"So our situations were kind of the same," I observed quietly. "If you don't fight, you lose. If you fight, you lose."

"Yes. Very much so, although the cost to you was much greater than the cost to me."

I peered at the man next to me. "Ben, let's agree that we both had it bad and leave it at that. Comparing who had it worse doesn't do anything constructive."

A chime sounded. The captain looked somewhat annoyed, but he stood and opened the door to the bridge.

"What is it, Lieutenant?"

"Commander Salinas' compliments, sir, and are you still planning on attending the dinner in the officer's mess?"

"My compliments to Commander Salinas. Please ask him to convey my apologies to the chef and inform that we will be having another dinner tomorrow night. Captain Becker is indisposed at the moment and unable to attend as we had planned."

"Very good, sir."

The door closed and the captain gave a half-smile. "I hope you'll forgive me for using you as an excuse for avoiding a dinner I am not really able to handle right now."

"Not at all. I'm not in the mood to socialize right now either."

He sat next to me again, and threw his arm around my shoulder. I found that the sensation was pleasing and comforting.

"You know," I said thoughtfully, "what you're doing right now, holding me with your arm... that didn't happen. We never let anyone get close enough to us to let it happen."

"You never had anyone special in your life?"

"What, like a mate?"

"Someone you loved, who loved you."

---

---

"No. Never."

"Oh, Dane... I'm so sorry."

The man's arm tightened around me and we were silent for a moment before I realized that I could not leave it like that.

"Ben, that was a lie. I did have someone, but..."

"Dane, you don't have to tell me. I appreciate that you were willing to tell the truth, but I'm sure you had a reason you said no at first."

"I said no because we weren't supposed to be what we were. He was killed because of it."

"Because you were two boys together." It was a statement.

"Yes," I whispered. "I loved him, and he died because of it."

"How did you survive?" Asked the captain.

"I was more important to the war effort," I explained. I was an officer in a combat unit. They needed me. They didn't need him, so they killed him."

"Are you attracted to boys? Men?" When I didn't respond he said, "There is nothing wrong with you if you are. It's a part of the diversity of nature. Unfortunately some people don't believe that." When I still didn't answer, he continued, "You don't have to tell me. It's none of my business, but I will tell you this, if you are attracted to males, it would not make me think any less of you."

I peered into his eyes and saw the truth of his words. He pulled me close and we sat together, lost in thought.

---

Dane, I'm sorry to interrupt, but you've been gone quite a while. You need to go to the medical center for another nutrient drink and then suit up for a while.

Okay, Cam. Let me tell Captain Hollister what is happening.

"Ben, Cam just told me that I need to get something to eat and armor up for a while."

The captain stood abruptly, agitated. "I'm sorry, Dane, how selfish of me! I invite you for dinner and instead we spend hours talking about ancient history."

I laughed. "It really is ancient history, for me at least. And don't worry about it." And then more seriously, "Thank you for talking to me and sharing what you have been through. And thank you for making me feel safe."

I looked Ben Hollister straight in the eye. "I don't know if I have ever felt safe before."

Ben pulled me into a tight hug. I felt his tears fall onto my shoulder. "I wish I could do more. Dane, while you're on board, would you be willing to spend some time with me, talking? I would like to get to know you better."

I pulled back a bit. "I'd like to get to know you too. How long until we get to where we're going?"

"About a week. Then we'll figure out what you'll do next." I allowed myself to be pulled back into the hug. "Thank you."

After a moment more, I gently disengaged from the man. "I need to get food and get armored. I wish I could wait, but I can't."

"Very well. I'll walk you down to sick bay."

---

"Captain Becker, it is agreeable to see you again," said Dr. Velmak. "I have prepared a nutrient beverage for you." He handed me a glass of the sweet liquid. I tipped the container to my lips and did not lower it again until it was gone.

"Can I have another one?" I asked as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

Captain Hollister's laughter filled the room. "It's good to see that some things don't change."

I looked at him curiously, not certain what he meant.

"You definitely have the appetite of a teen-ager."

"What can I say? I'm hungry."

"I can take you back up to the officer's mess," the captain volunteered. "It won't be the special meal I had planned on giving you, but it won't be bad."

Cam, the captain wants to take me for a quick meal. Do I have time?

If you're quick you should be fine. You're not in danger, but I want to make sure I can get you completely balanced, and the longer you're out, the longer that will take.

If I eat and then spend a sleep cycle armored up?

That would be fine.

"Cam says that it should be okay, but then I have to spend the night armored up."

"Good." Ben smiled and put his arm around me.

"Captain Becker should be eating soft foods, Captain," Dr. Velmak stated flatly.

"I'll make sure he does, doctor," Ben assured with a smile. "Shall we, Dane?"

He led me to the turbolift and once inside, said, "Deck five."

Ben led me to a room with around a dozen seats around three tables. The captain gestured to a chair, and I sat just a moment after he did.

"Can I ask you some questions about your armor, Dane?"

"Sure. There are some things that I can't answer though. As nice as you are, Ben, you aren't the Federation or Starfleet."

"I understand and appreciate that," he said, signaling to a crewman who quickly moved over. "We'll take whatever soup the chef has concocted and some bread."

"Very good, sir." As the crewman scurried off, Ben returned his attention to me.

"Can you tell me about the panels on your body?"

"Together they're called the endosuit. It covers most of my body except the inside of my arms and legs, my groin, and my head and neck. The exosuit has a kinetic suspension system that uses the panels to keep my body safe inside the suit."

"What does the suspension system do exactly?"

"It cushions me against impacts and acceleration," I informed him.

"Ah, similar to an inertial dampener, then?" He asked with understanding.

I thought about the term he used and nodded slowly. "I think that's a good description."

As we ate, Ben peppered me with questions about Cam and the armor I wore, never delving into an area he knew I wouldn't discuss such as weaponry. When we were finished eating, Captain Hollister escorted me to Cam and helped me into the cradle inside the exo-armor.

"How long will you be in there, Dane?" Ben asked.

"He will be in the suit for a minimum of six hours, Captain Hollister," Cam said over the speakers, "but I would prefer twelve hours for balancing. He'll be ready to go extra-armor by tomorrow morning seven-thirty ship's time."

"Thank you, Cam," Ben responded with a smile. "Take care of our boy, okay?"

Cam hesitated for a second, and then replied with feeling. "I always do my best, Captain Hollister. Of that you may be certain."

"Then I won't worry. I'll talk to you later, Dane."

"I look forward to it," I said with a smile while removing the inductive transmitter from over my ear and fitting it into the helmet.

"Take it easy, brother," Ben said with a wave as I donned the helmet.

"See you soon," I replied, my voice echoing through the external speaker.

Cam, seal the suit and prepare for operations. Engage KSS.

Acknowledged, Cam answered over the status channel while asking, What are you planning on doing, Dane? We don't need to be operational for me to balance your body.

I know, but we probably should move to a place more out of the way. Engage external speaker.

External speaker active.

"Captain, is there a better place for us to sit rather than the middle of your shuttle bay?"

"Yes, right over there along the bulkhead would be good."

"I'm going to move, so don't be alarmed," I warned.

 

"I'm clear, Dane. Go ahead."

 

Cam, you understand where he wants us?

Yes.

Get us there with a little flare.

As you wish. Moving.

Cam rolled to the right and ended up on his feet exactly where the captain had requested.

Well done, Cam.

"Is this sufficient, Captain?" I asked.

"That was an amazing display of control! That is perfect. Thank you, Dane. Thank you Cam."

"You're welcome, sir," Cam replied in a pleased tone. "If you'll excuse us, Captain Becker is in need of a nap."

I sighed dramatically, and Ben chuckled when he heard it.

"My mother has spoken, Ben. I'll talk to you later."

"Sleep well, Dane."

Initiate sleep cycle. Sync with shipboard time.

Initiating.