A Case Of Jitters

I have written many adventure/ romance books with LGBTQ+ characters. Visit my website to browse my full bibliography. You can also sign up for my mailing list to ensure you don't miss any fun future updates. ACOJ is out now as a full book, check out my website for information.

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A Case of Jitters

Chapter III

The unadulterated gossip remains within the safe bounds of curiosity. Andrew, as well as I, are both too cowardly to ask any other questions outside the norm. I can't believe he said yes to me, so I don't want to destroy the remainder of the evening. As I walk with his jacket, securely draping around me, I can't help but appreciate his thoughtfulness. Andrew has been this way for as long as I can remember. He is a cute guy with a soft heart, and that is something worth getting caught for. Not that he will let anybody walk all over him. Recalling Thomas from history, and how he tried to give Andrew a hard time for his lousy haircut last year, makes it empowering to know a person like Andrew. Instead of losing his cool with the asshole, which is what I would have done, Andrew remains calm and rides the storm out. Presumably, someone made a stink-bomb, and during gym, it miraculously found its way into Thomas's backpack. The locker room has never been the same since. I don't care how many times they have bleached the stink away, I can still smell it. Besides, I am not insinuating Andrew did it, but there is a little part of me that suspects he had a hand in making it happen. The notion of mischief brooding deep in Andrew is intoxicating. Imagine me dating an adorable, but a badass boy?

The houses bleed back into the equation, and we pass the threshold of the suburbs from the small commercial district, ambling by home after home. The two of us have taken up a spot of dancing. Andrew pops out his phone and puts on a bit of music, considering the awkwardness is semi-gone. Andrew and I groove down the street for about three or four songs. At first, I challenge him, then I discover that he is a pretty good dancer. After a while, the fun dies down, so we revert back to our quiet selves, as we know the adventure is about to come to a close.

I don't know what to say about it all. It feels terrific on an emotional level to have some understanding from another boy. I don't know how to explain it but, I just feel sad at having to let it go. I mean, all I want to do is be myself, but I know it is an inconvenient time for me to do it. Everything in my life is going swell, and if I come out, things can change for me. Whether that is for good or bad, I have no idea as to how big my news may be on certain people, namely my family. When I look at it now, how can it possibly hurt to hide a little longer? I don't want people treating me all weird when I try out for football because I am determined to make it, perhaps lacrosse too. Playing with other boys on a team, and they know that your gay may prove to be a challenging experience when it comes to the locker room. Plus, the added humiliation of playing on the field when you have a shot to take. They won't pass the ball because they enjoy the ridicule they are producing. No… I'll stay in the closet until things are better. I feel so good tonight being able to relax and breathe for a change. Though when we turn the corner at the end of this street, I have to go back into hibernation. 

Shuffling along, Andrew asks, "Is everything going to go back to the way it is in school before tonight?"

Reflecting deeply, remorse swishes in my stomach like a storm in a teacup for concluding such a harebrained scheme. How can I simply turn off what I experienced tonight? I want to be me, only the road ahead is going to be a long and not the most desirable path. Perhaps I can try and keep in contact with Andrew, and we can meet on the weekends, away from the school where nobody knows us. That way, I can be gay, still secretly, and get to spend time with the cutest boy in the entire school. Is it wrong if I do that?

Reverting my attention back to Andrew, I sulk at the ground. A way off, I sense tears coming, but I am trying hard to hold them in. 

Speaking glumly, "I…, I don't know if that's a good idea."

Andrew sighs in discontent. A sickly feeling whooshes the pits of my stomach, and a single tear let loose from my right eye, dribbling down my cheek. Stopping, I turn and latch onto Andrews's arm. 

"Please, Andrew, don't be mad at me. I really like you… but I'm not ready to come out. I want us to keep talking, but… not like the way we were in the restaurant or anything too gay. If I come out, it'll destroy everything I have built and worked so hard to get the last two or three years."

Bowing my shameful head to the ground, I sniffle.

"We… We can still talk in school if you want to," Andrew urges.

Glancing up at him, I try to appreciate the discern expression on his face. However, all my brain can come to contemplate is that I will be letting him down or holding him back from a much stronger and stable person. The worrisome thing is anybody can pluck Andrew up because he is that special. I know that if I don't make my moves, then I'll never get a chance to be with him. That is if he even wants to be with me. I have no idea why I have rushed to the conclusion that he will be my boyfriend after two dates.

"Yeah… I'll like that. Maybe we can try to meet sometimes and go out.

Andrew sighs… "Jacob, you are a lovely person, but I don't think you are quite ready to handle rejection, and I do like you. So why don't we just be friends… What do you say?" 

I am not sure if I should cry or whether to celebrate. Not in a weird psychotic way. I mean, I crave to date Andrew, I really do, plus being able to be around him means I can still get a piece of his beautiful personality. Even if it means not being his, or him, mine. It still means I can have time with him as a friend, and that has got to be something itself, right. I assume it is better than watching him across the classroom for the next year. I will be kicking myself in the teeth and beating myself up over this if I say no, I don't accept your friendship. However, it's not every day Andrew offers someone his friendship. This boy is more soulful than one can imagine, and it's his consideration for those who matter that makes him stand out to me. I can live with that. Naively, I don't think I will be able to live after getting this far and letting it all go down the shitter for nothing. 

"I understand…" I softly mumble back in despair.

I stumble forward the last couple of yards to the street corner before we stop again. Andrew places his hand on my shoulder. Slowly he applies pressure, and I swivel to him. Glancing across at him, his eyes disparagingly flicker about my petite frame. At least that's what it looks like, perhaps he is feeling sorry for me.

Andrew lifts his other arm and drapes it over my other shoulder. The most beautiful boy in the entire school leans into me under the streetlight at the corner of Plunkett Grove and presses his lips to my cheek. I freeze, unable to move in total awe at how soft his lips are. I can't believe it… Andrew Collins is kissing me, what the fuck is going on. 

Before I even have a chance to kiss back, Andrew breaks the kiss and smiles meekly. He steps back, smirking and wiping his lips with the back of his hand, following by a brush of knuckles on the rear of his pants. I smirk at him in shock, then a bemused expression takes hold. Hotness starts to protrude in my cheeks, and I begin to giggle and get a considerable swish of the butterflies. The surge is so sensitive that I feel like I am going to puke a rainbow. And… Well, I have a boner restricted inside my pants that is hurting, that's nothing new. 

"Thanks for the night out…," Andrew says softly.

I nod lightly, not wanting to, but I do.

Andrew stands a moment clumsily before saying, "Well, I guess I'm going to need to take my jacket back." His eyes shied from left to right, before locking back on me. I fumble out of his jacket and hold it out.

"Can I get your phone number or Snapchat or anything," I nervously murmur.

Andrew smirks, he reaches into his pocket, after having put on his jacket and swiping at the ghostly screen on the phone for a second, he then glances up at me.

Holding his phone out, I take it off him. On the screen, Andrew creates a new contact on his iPhone. The entry field for my name has two little emojis. A green and yellow heart, separated by 'Jacob' in the middle, then following on another two hearts of the same color. It makes my heart flutter, like something crazy. Bashfully, I type on the entry field to input the phone number, and the silence as I put the digits in is immense. I can feel my heart melting away and how adorable it is. 

Finishing up, I hand the phone back, and Andrew looks down at the device in his hand, before smiling. "Is it okay if I call you sometime?"

"Sure…" I grin. 

"It's been fun." He says confidently. 

Nodding in agreement, Andrew speaks up, "Anyway, I'm heading this way. See you in school on Monday," he asks.

Like that, I nod, and the two of us begin to part ways again. I stumble forward toward the school, contemplating how amazing tonight has been. Only as I reach the plaque for the building, I recall I didn't get Andrew's phone number. Deciding if it is worth running after him, even though I have no idea where he is gone, I opted against it. I have his gamertag on my console. Walking along, I launch the PSN app, I locate his tag and ask him for his number under the private messages tab. Glumly, I begin to head for the door. I can try and salvage the last half-hour of my reputation by dancing with Sophia before my Dad picks me up.

Pulling open the door, my phone buzzes in my pocket. In a heartbeat, I pull it out and press at the home screen button. An unknown number displays its numerals, and below a message read, "Goodnight cutie xoxo." 

I smile at the phone and unlock it, then save the number before pressing on toward the music emanating from the main hall inside the school. At long last, I have his phone number, and not just some stupid gamertag.

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More to come, let me know your thoughts by emailing me. I'd love to hear.

I have written many adventure/ romance books with LGBTQ+ characters. Visit my website to browse my full bibliography. You can also sign up for my mailing list to ensure you don't miss any fun future updates. ACOJ is out now as a full book, check out my website for information.

View Website