ANL: Memories West Coast

Watching the man I loved more than anything in the world collapse to the floor, along with the boy who filled a different need doing the same thing, I felt my heart tearing apart.

Mom went to dad. I hurried to my love, desperately calling, "Daren! Daren!" Falling to his side, I glanced between him and my dad torn in two, unsure who I should be the most concerned with. Finally deciding I would be scared for both of them.

Daren was staring at nothing and shaking. I took him in my arms, cradling him to me, whispering over and over again, "It's alright, it's going to be alright."

Mom checked dad's pulse before coming over to Daren, and doing the same for him.

"He's in shock over something," she said, and then got up and hurried to a cabinet where she grabbed something. Coming right back and kneeling down, she snapped smelling salts, then held it under my dad's nose. Dad groaned and tried pushing her hand away, but thank God, he was waking up.

Then she brought it over to Daren. In a moment, he sat bolt upright, crying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," in a desperate voice, he looked around wildly in sheer terror.

"It's okay," I tried telling him, but he wouldn't stop shaking. 

Once dad woke up completely, Mom turned her attention to Daren. "Daren listen to me. LISTEN TO ME! It's okay, you didn't do anything wrong," mom told him, but it was like he didn't hear her. 

He kept staring off into nowhere and mumbling over and over again, "Please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." My heart broke a little more each second, he was so scared, I could feel it inside, as well as see it.

Dad sat there watching us. Mom and I couldn't get through to Daren, but dad finally did. I helplessly watched, in pain at what Daren was going through. Dad slowly reached across the space separating them, pulling Daren towards him. Daren took no notice of this, until Dad had him in his arms and was hugging him, then he started screaming and fighting Dad. Dad just held on, as my sweet little angel fought like an angry devil; no matter how much Daren screamed or fought, Dad wouldn't let go. Finally exhausted, Daren's struggles eased to the point that he pulled back a bit and stared at my dad for the longest time. 

I held my breath, hoping for the best. I was so scared for him, especially after he started freaking out when dad tried to hold him, but now, something was happening. I watched the man I loved turn so much love to the boy I loved, and let him feel love for probably one of the few times in his life.

After what seemed like forever, I watched as the fight left him, followed by the stiffness. Dad said, "It's alright," to him slowly, causing Daren to collapse against him; allowing himself to be held. Daren cried an endless stream of tears; his whole body shaking uncontrollably. The rest of us sat there, no one moving, watching dad comfort Daren. 

I don't know how I knew, but I knew that my dad doing what he had done was a major turning point for Daren, and that while there would be problems in the future, he was past the biggest hurdle. I could feel him soaking up the love and warmth that dad was giving him, and it felt to me like an empty space that hurt so much was being slowly filled with light and warmth for the first time. The aching need hurt me so much. I really didn't have a way to describe it correctly, but I knew it was a good thing, a very good thing that it was finally being filled.

Eventually, like when mom helped him, the sobbing and desperation left him, and he began to quiet in my dad's arms. Not once did dad move or let go, not even a little bit, until Daren pulled back and looked at him wonderingly. "You don't hate me?" he asked, not quite willing to believe it. 

My dad gently smiled, saying, "Never, little one, never."

Daren turned to me, and I smiled, which earned a small grin in return. I reached out to him and was met with his hand reaching out to me at the same time, until they met between us and we just held each other, looking deeply into one another's eyes.

Intense emotions swelled up in me and through me. I gasped in surprise before crying, "Daren!" in joy mixed with pain, fear, uncertainty, disbelief, loneliness, hunger, love, joy, and finally hope, that it might be different than it was. All this and more came from him into me, and through me, and filled me, and I sent everything back that I had been feeling for and about him.

However long it lasted, it finally ended. Daren and I became aware of the room once again. At the same time, we could still feel one another inside each other, and we still had smiles plastered all over our faces. With love showing freely and openly, he said one word that meant the world to me. "Twins."

Feeling my love swell to even greater depths, I gratefully replied, "Twins."

Daren then noticed dad watching the both of us. I felt a twinge of fear shoot through Daren. He softly asked dad, "Are you mad?" We knew that after what happened, Dad had to know about us.

Dad looked at us before smiling, "No, honey. Why would I be mad at you?"

Daren looked down and muttered, "Cause of me and Kalen."

Dad reached over and lifted Daren's chin, so he could look into Daren's eyes. Dad  always says that the eyes tell the soul, and I believe him, especially after what just happened. "You mean because both of you are gay, and you love each other?" Dad asked softly. 

Daren and I both gasped, for somehow dad's word made it real. I scooted closer to Daren, who slowly nodded his head, never taking his eyes off dad.

"No honey, I'm not mad, I could never be mad about that. We've suspected for a long time that Kalen might be gay, but we wanted to leave it up to him to come to that conclusion on his own and decide when to tell us." Dad said gently. 

I just opened and closed my mouth in shock. I hadn't even known, and they had. How?

"You see, Daren," mom smiled, and then explained, "telling people that you're gay is one of the hardest things a person who is gay will ever have to do, and usually they're very afraid. Not only that, but Kalen may not have even known it yet, or been ready to acknowledge it. So we waited, and knew that in good time, he would tell us when he had figured it out on his own. It doesn't bother us, because we love him. Robert's brother is gay, and he's always been a wonderful and generous man, that the boys adore with all their hearts."

"You're really okay with us?" Daren asked.

"Yeah we are, honey. It happened sooner than I thought it would, but I can see that it has happened, and I have no doubts that it is real. Like I said before, welcome to the family." Dad told him.

Daren was looking back and forth between us, and the disbelief was clearly written on his face as he said, "My mother'd kill me if she ever found out."

"Maybe son, but she will never hurt you again," Dad swore, "Never!"

"Where will I live? I mean, who would want me?" Daren fearfully asked.

"Joanne and I would be honored if you would live with us, honey." Dad answered.

I could feel the fear that this was all too good to be true. I quickly assured, "It's true, if you want it to be."

"This is like a dream," he said in wonder. I knew it was a dream he had been having for a long time, and one which he never thought could ever come true.

"Sometimes dreams do come true." I said softly, while still looking into his eyes.

"You really want me to be your son?" he asked mom and dad, turning to look at each of them in turn. "I'm gay too."

"We know that honey, and like I said, we don't have a problem with it. We'll need to talk about some stuff, and..." I watched as Daren tensed up again.

Dad quickly assured, "No, don't worry, it's nothing bad, but there are things we need to talk about, regarding sex."

Both of us turned bright red. I cried, "Dad!" in horror that he said the 'S' word like that in front of everyone.

"Kalen Richard Samuelson, we have always discussed sex in an open and honest manner with you, and you know that. You have always been able to come to us and talk with us about anything, haven't you?" Dad asked, obviously hiding his grin.

"Yes, sir," I blushed.

"Then please don't act all mortified that I am discussing it now, when I haven't even begun. Not only that, but I don't imagine anyone has bothered to talk to Daren before about anything along those lines," he said.

"She never did, other than say not to touch it." Daren whispered.

"Well, you don't have to worry about that here. Just ask Kalen, you can touch it as much as you want," Mom said, chuckling while I looked for someplace to hide.

Daren just giggled.

I'm glad he thought it was funny.

"We'll get into that later," Dad said, "but the reason I brought it up is, there are certain things you will end up trying, or wanting to do, that have to be done carefully, or they can cause injury. Neither your Mom nor I want that to happen to you. We don't have a problem with you loving one another in that way. We want you to know that you can come to us anytime and talk about anything, or ask anything, and we won't get mad at you or upset with you."

"We will, Dad," I said, wondering if my eyebrows would catch fire. 

Daren looked up and said, "Thanks, Mr. Samuelson. This is all kinda new and scary."

"I know, honey. There will be a lot for you to get used to. It might be a bit overwhelming at times, but I want you to know to just ask whenever you don't understand something, and try not to be afraid of us. We don't bite and we won't kick you out. The sex thing is because sooner or later you are going to be doing something with Kalen, and also sooner or later someone is going to walk in on you, and I don't want you to be afraid when it happens." Dad said, looking off at the wall and for some reason I knew he was thinking about something else, and not us.

"You mean if we, like were, like touching each other's things, you wouldn't get mad?" Daren asked, shocked.

Dad didn't answer. Mom looked at him strangely for a moment before she said, "I'll save my oldest any further embarrassment right now, but the answer is no, and you can ask him later about when it happened with him and Rodney, and what happened." She may have thought it wasn't embarrassing, but I still did, even though having parents that were cool about it was really neat.

"Robert, are you okay?" Mom asked. Dad didn't answer her for a minute, until she said, "Robert," in a louder voice, placing a hand out and gripping his shoulder.

Dad jerked and looked around before saying, "What?"

"Are you okay, honey?" she asked him again, frowning now.

"Okay, yes I'm fine, just the past coming back to me, old memories," he sadly said. Mom looked at him, and he said, "Yes, those memories." I looked at Daren and then Mom, feeling the sadness from my dad.

He looked at us for a moment before saying, "I guess I should tell you this, in fact, I think I should have told you a long time ago."

I knew this was something very big, from the way my father was acting. It was kind of scary, even though I didn't know what it was about or anything. Somehow, I thought it was about the name my father had called out when he had seen Daren's back; Lucas.

"Why don't we take a break? When Rodney gets home, we'll all sit down and I'll tell you about Lucas," dad suggested. We nodded as we stood up. 

I went over and gave my dad a kiss, whispering, "Thanks, Dad. I love you." We turned to leave, with me still holding Daren's hand. We were about halfway to the door when Daren let go and ran back, giving my dad a quick hug and kiss too, and then coming back to me. I watched and realized that Dale was still sitting there, and watching everything. He had tears on his face as we went out of the room. I looked back once to see Mom cradling Dad on her lap as tears ran down his face.

After we got out of the office into the hallway, I stopped and asked Daren, "What do you want to do?" 

He looked down shyly and then said, "Would you hold me like before?" 

I just grinned and said, "I'd love to," as we walked back to my bedroom.

This time I undressed as well, while Daren took his bathrobe off. We shyly looked at each other; for the first time really looking at everything.

We still had our underwear on, but it didn't matter really. Both of us looked at what was covered, since we had just been talking about it.

"Do you really think I'm beautiful?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah, I do," I said, walking forward and gently wrapping my arms around him, just looking into his eyes as he put his arms around me in return.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, really, every inch of you," I told him.

I watched as he absorbed what I had said and could see the twinkle in his eyes as he teased, "Well, you haven't seen every inch of me yet." Daren had just joked with me, and I realized it was probably the first time I had ever heard him do that.

"Okay, we will," I laughed. The smile that lit up his face meant the world to me, as I hugged him to me. We went over to the bed, crawled in under the covers and just held each other.

I knew we would do that sometime, and probably soon, especially considering how awake something was right now on both of us. But I also knew right now he just needed to be held, and I was quite happy to do that and nothing else, forever if need be.

As we drifted to sleep, we looked at each other. The last thing we saw was the other's face, and both of us were smiling.

I woke up, being shaken gently. I opened one eye to find Rodney staring down at me with a big smile on his face. "What do you want?" I asked grumpily. In case I've never mentioned it, I don't like being woken up.

"Mom says you guys need to get up."

"What are you doing home from school?" I asked him.

"Dufus, it's 3:30 already, you've been sleeping," he said.

"Go away." I muttered.

"Nah, you two lovebirds gotta get up," he laughed. Before I even knew what he was doing, he pulled the covers off of us.

"Now get..." He started to say until his eyes came to rest on Daren' back. In shock, he slowly said, "Oh, fuck!" He realized what had been done to Daren, and I watched the tears begin. He turned and ran from the room.

"Rodney!" I called out, but he was already stumbling out the door and didn't stop.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" Daren softly asked. I turned to find Daren looking up at me with tears in his eyes as well.

"Why would he hate you, Daren? He's your friend." I said, worried about Rodney.

"Cause of the way I look, and cause we were in bed together," he weakly replied.

"No, he doesn't," I said, trying to calm him down, but he was crying now. 

Daren buried his head in the pillow, sobbing, "Yes he does."

"No, I don't," a broken voice said, as firmly as it could. I watched as Daren's small frame jerked and became stiff. Rodney returned to the room and over to Daren's side of the bed, where he sat down. He placed a hand on Daren's shoulder, causing him to jerk again in fear. "I don't hate you," Rodney said again. Daren slowly turned over, looking up at Rodney with a mixture of fear and worry on his face.

Daren didn't say anything at all. I knew he was convinced that Rodney hated him, no matter what he said.

"Daren, please listen to him," I begged him. Daren glanced at me and then returned his gaze back to my little brother.

Rodney looked down and then back up before saying, "I ran away before... I ran... not because I hate you, but because of what someone did to you."

Daren didn't say anything. I watched the tears begin streaming down Rodney's face, as he said brokenly, "I didn't know, and when I saw your... when I saw you... when I saw what someone had done to you... I didn't know anyone could do that to a kid. I mean, you hear about stuff, but..." before trailing off in defeat. "I'm sorry, Daren, for making you think that, and for what happened to you. I ran because it hurt so much," he told him. I could see the pain in his eyes, even now as he looked at Daren, pain as well as anger.

"It's okay. I just never had someone care before, and I'm not used to it, so I'm sorry too," Daren said.

"Nobody's ever going to hurt you again!" Rodney said fiercely, causing Daren to smile.

This was all brand new to him. Seeing people actually cared about what happened to him meant so much to him, I could feel it.

"You don't think I'm ugly then?" Daren asked

"It's not what's out here," Rodney said, gesturing at Daren's body, "but what's in here." He said, reaching out gently and touching Daren over his heart. He added, "In here is what I see and know, and it's not ugly."

"Thank you," Daren said softly, smiling now.

"I don't understand how someone can do that," Rodney said, sounding baffled. I realized that seeing this was making my little brother grow up before he should have to, and that made me sad. He had lost something, although I couldn't say what, but it had to do with a kid not seeing, really seeing stuff like that. Hell, a kid shouldn't even know it existed, and Daren had had it happen to him.

"They're not supposed to," I said, and both of them looked up. 

Rodney said, "They're supposed to protect us, not hurt us."

"Yeah!" was all I said. There wasn't much else that could be said.

"You really care about me?" Daren said, in wonder.

"Yeah, bro, I do. You've been one of my best friends, and now..." he said, looking at me with a small smile on his face, "now, I think you're something even more."

Daren gasped and asked, "That doesn't bother you?"

Rodney got a puzzled look on his face before saying, "Why would it?"

Daren looked at me before replying to Rodney, "Cause we're gay."

Now Rodney was looking downright confused. He looked at Daren and then at me before turning back to Daren and saying, "So?"

It was Daren's turn to be shocked, and look at me, and then back to Rodney, before saying, "Do you understand what that means?"

"Uh yeah, my Uncle Jimmy's gay," Rodney said, smiling gently at Daren.

"Yeah but..." Daren started to say. 

"I don't care about that stuff," Rodney interrupted. "I've played with my friends some, and with Kalen too, and who knows, I might be too, but Mom says whatever will happen will, so not to worry about it. Maybe we'll do stuff. It don't matter."

Daren was shaking his head. I could hear the disbelief in his voice when he said, "I can't believe this," half to himself.

But Rodney heard him and said, "I think you better start," giggling a bit.

"It's just... no one would believe that a few hours ago I was afraid she was going to kill me this time, and now..." he trailed off just shaking his head.

Putting all my love into my voice, I said, "Well, like my little bro said, ya better start, cause you got a new life now, and people who love you, and won't let anyone hurt you anymore."

Daren glow from the support. Rodney added, "What he said, bro," causing Daren to look at him before turning back to me again.

I don't know how it happened, but our faces drifted closer together and before we knew it we were kissing and our arms were going around each other; everything else forgotten for the moment. I never knew kissing could feel soooooo good, I thought as I was lost in the feel, taste and smell of the one I loved more than anything else in the world.

It was Rodney giggling that brought us part way back, as we groaned with the feelings going through us.

"How do ya guys breathe?" Rodney giggled, which brought us the rest of the way back to the here and now. We released each other and glared at him.

"Hey, don't look at me like that, I wasn't the one fishing!" he laughed.

Daren and I looked at one another, and smiling, went back to what we were doing.

It was so easy to get lost in him. The feelings just holding and kissing him were causing me were so intense that Mom's words from earlier were coming back to me. If it was this way now, what would it be like when we actually touched each other down there?

Wow!

That was all I could think. I wanted to do just that right then, more than anything to ease the ache that had arisen. Instead, I pulled back. Daren just smiled at me, and I knew he felt exactly the same way and about the same thing as we both sat there gasping for breath.

"You're gonna hurt someone with those things," Rodney teased, causing us to look down at each other.

He might be right. Wow!

"That or drown someone" Rodney giggled, causing us to look at each other and smile evil grins. We both reached out and grabbed a suddenly squealing little brother and begin tickling him.

He might be right about that too, but you just couldn't let a little brother get away with something like that.

He didn't fight as hard as he usually did. I knew it was because he was afraid of hurting Daren. I loved him even more for that. We tickled him until he was the one in danger of drowning others. Rodney cried between his giggles, "Please! Okay! God, I'm gonna pee! Stop, please!" We didn't stop until he was actually grabbing himself and screaming between the giggling fits that he couldn't stop. Then we let him go and watched him run out of the room to the bathroom, still giggling all the way.

It felt so good to just be kids again for a little while. After everything that had been happening, forgetting for a while all that had happened, and Daren probably hadn't been able to be one at all, so it was even better for him.

When he came back, he was glaring at us with a nice wet spot in the front of his pants. He stopped and said, "It's not funny."

Daren and I looked at each other, and both said at the same time, "Yes, it is." Breaking down into laughter, causing him to glare even harder at us, which caused us to laugh even more. 

I grinned, "Well, now you match us."

"Well, at least I don't have that problem," he said, pointing at our mid sections. We noticed he was right. Thin white cotton didn't hide our excitement.

"Ya better make 'em go away before you go see mom and dad," he added evilly.

"Are you gonna help us or just make lame jokes?" I teased.  A fresh red glow spread over  Rodney's face. 

"We've seen them before, you know?" Mom said from the doorway. We blushed and covered the offending items, before Daren and I grinned sheepishly at each other, and let our hands fall to our sides, shrugging our shoulders in defeat while Rodney just giggled.

Mom walked into the room and over to us. Smiling and placing a hand on each of our shoulders, she said, "Do you need to take care of that boys?" We blushed again as we quickly shook our heads. We did, but we weren't going to admit it in front of her. She chuckled, and as if she could read our minds, said, "I imagine you wouldn't tell me if you did."

I gave her an evil grin and said, "Well actually we do, but we can wait till later." It was her that started coughing and laughing. Rodney just giggled some more and Daren looked like a fish.

"What am I going to do with you guys?" she finally said, shaking her head and smiling fondly at us.

"Give us a hug?" I suggested.

"Come here you," she said, pulling me and Daren into a big hug, and saying, "I love you," to both of us. Rodney came over as well and soon it was a four way hug.

When we let go she was looking at all of us and finally said, "Well, except for that," pointing downward. "I take it everything is alright?"

"Yeah, mom. Daren was just worried about some stuff he shouldn't have, but he's cool now, and I got a new brother," Rodney smiled.

"Really," Daren asked. I thought he really liked that word.

"Yeah, really, bro," Rodney said with a huge grin.

Much more seriously, Mom prodded, "Okay, now I want you to listen to me for a minute, okay?"

We glanced at each other, suddenly nervous, but we all said, "Okay."

"You're going to hear some things in the next little while, and I want you to be prepared for it. It's not pretty, and it's going to be very hard on your father. This is something he has lived with since he was just a little older than you are Kalen, and it's haunted him ever since."

"What happened, Mom? Is it about that name?" I asked.

"Yeah, baby, it's about Lucas and I'll leave what happened to your dad, but well, just know it's not going to be any easier to hear than it is for him to tell," she told us.

We all glanced at each other before Rodney said, "Thanks, Mom."

She nodded her head and we headed off towards the office.

Dad was sitting on the floor with his back to the couch. Dale had apparently left.

Mom went over and sat on the couch next to Dad. We went over without thinking and sat around him, with me ending up in his lap.

He wrapped one arm around Rodney and me and the other around Daren pulling us close as he began.

"This is going to be hard on me, guys. It's not something I have talked about in a long, long time," he said, already sounding far away. I knew he was leaving us and moving back into the past when he was just a boy.

"It's why I reacted the way I did when I saw Daren," he said, now far away from the here and now. "It's why you're being gay truly doesn't bother me, and why I think it's finally time to tell you something I never wanted you to have to understand; hatred."

"Lucas... Where do I start? Lucas was... he was smart, funny, sweet, protective; he was my best friend and he was my first love, my only love until your mother came along. He was everything to me, and then one day I lost my heart and soul, and didn't find it until your mom gave it back to me." We sat quietly enraptured with his words and the soft, lost cadence to them.

"You see I met Lucas when I was just 8 years old. Hell, I didn't even like him at first, but then one day..."

---

Flashback

"Class, I would like to introduce a new student this morning; his name is Lucas Williams and he is just transferring in from Los Angeles." Mrs. Bartlett said. I could now place a name to the new kid I had noticed coming into the class that morning.

He didn't look like much, that was for sure, and wouldn't even hold his head up when she brought him up front of the class.

After introductions, she put him in a seat on the side of the room and we got to work.

Recess that morning proved that he was going to be the new whipping boy. The bullies made straight for him, and wouldn't leave him alone for nothing, but he did the worst thing he could've done. He started crying; which only made them mess with him even more.

I was glad that they had a new boy to pick on, but I was kinda sad too to see it. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

I guess they decided to find something else to do, because they eventually left him alone leaving him sitting on the ground crying.

When he got up he walked in my direction where I was reading and I said as he passed "Don't be such a cry-baby." Immediately, I felt bad. He looked like I had hit him or something, which made me angry, since I hadn't been one of the ones to do something to him. I didn't realize then that my words hurt more than the blows would have. "Don't look at me like that; I didn't do nothing to you," I said meanly, but he just looked away and walked on.

The first few days were a repeat of the first one, and I watched as they wouldn't leave him in peace. He had tried to talk to me a couple of times, but I didn't want to have anything to do with him so I just called him "Cry-baby," and walked off. He'd just attract the others back to me, and I didn't want to deal with them again. What I had thought that first day was true, he was a cry-baby, and I didn't like cry-babies; especially since that was what they had always called me.

As the days passed into weeks, it seemed that things were getting worse now with the bullies pushing him down. Then one day he told on them when they pushed him into the mud at lunch. That was not going to be good, because they were going to kick his ass for it, I just knew it.

I saw him after school that day and he said, "Hi." 

I just said, "You shouldn't have done that, sissy, now your ass is grass," and I walked away.

"What am I supposed to do then? They won't leave me alone." he yelled at my back, but I wouldn't answer him.

There wasn't nothing you could do except fight, but I knew he'd never be able to do that. I could do it, but I never had and I just couldn't see him doing it, ever.

The boys had been suspended for three days, but they would be back and when they did I got really worried cause they didn't go near him all day, or the next, or the next one after that either.

Something was up, something bad.

I could see this had crossed Lucas's mind as well because he walked around constantly looking like he was expecting it, and completely confused that he wasn't getting it.

It was four days after they came back that I was in the bathroom when I heard some other boys come in. I knew immediately who it was, because they were very loud. I kept real quiet in the stall. They went to pee and talked; talking about getting Lucas, hurting Lucas, hurting him real bad. They planned what they were going to do. I felt my insides go cold at hearing what they planned.

They left, but I didn't, not for a long time. When I finally did, it was to spend the rest of the day thinking about what I had heard and what to do about it. I got held back in class to clean the chalkboards, because I hadn't been paying attention to Mrs. Bartlett, so I was late getting dismissed from school and took off running.

I knew where they were going to do it. It wasn't that far from my house, surprisingly. I  just hoped I could get there in time. I couldn't. When I did run up, it was to find them pulling him to his feet, crying and begging them to stop. It was obvious they had hit him already from the blood on his clothes and coming from his nose.

Running up to them, I yelled, "Leave him alone!" I could see the shock in Lucas's eyes; as well as gratitude, while there was surprise in the other three boys eyes before they started laughing. Timmy hit Lucas in the stomach, dropping him to the ground again. They came towards me when I screamed, "I SAID, LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I had never fought, but dad had made sure I knew how, so I guess now I would find out.

"Oh, one little sissy is going to protect the other one, how sweet," Timmy said nastily. 

I waited, and for some reason, I couldn't resist. I said, "Yep and this sissy is going to kick your asses." That made their faces turn red, and instead of walking towards me they began to run.

Oh shit!

Timmy got to me first. I brought my fist up into his face. Screaming, he clutched his mouth, falling backwards and landing on his butt.

Damn that hurt.

The other two stopped, looking at Timmy, who was just sitting there groaning before approaching me once again. I rushed forward and got a good one in on Kenny, but Andy jumped me knocking me to the ground and punched me in the stomach. Two of them were out of it for the moment, but now Andy, who should have been in 5th grade and was still in 3rd cause he was so stupid, was hitting me like crazy and I could do nothing about it.

Then suddenly, I felt a weight on me, and heard a voice screaming, "Leave him alone, you Neanderthal." 

Andy screamed, "Get off me! Get off o' me!"

It was just what I needed. He was pulled off of me a bit. I turned on my side and brought my knee into his balls; which caused him to stop screaming and begin making the strangest noises I had ever heard. His eyes were bugging out of his head!

I scrambled back from Andy. My rescuer was the sissy who was breathing hard and had just placed a kick into Timmy's nuts too, leaving him in the same state as Andy.

Kenny had been watching this. Lucas turned towards him. Kenny got up and took off running, with Lucas calling, "Who's the sissy now?"

Lucas turned back to me, asking, "Are you alright?"

I thought about it for a moment and said, "Yeah, thanks," thinking that my stomach hurt like shit and my shoulder too, from falling on it, along with a few other places.

"What about you?" I asked.

"I'm okay, I guess," he said, sounding a bit unsure.

Going over to pick up his books, I told him, "Let's get out of here." Once everything was picked up, we hurried towards my house, before the jerks recovered and got up. "Your nose is still bleeding," I told him. He shrugged his shoulders. I suggested, "You better get home and get your parents to look at it."

I was surprised when he got a look of fear on his face and quickly said, "I can't go home looking like this, please."

I don't know why I did what I did next, but something about the look in his eyes made me say, "Come to my house and we can get you fixed up."

"Really?"

"Yeah, my mom's a nurse, and she'll be home now."

We walked in silence. When we got to the front door, mom was waiting. "Bobby, who did...." She started to ask, before trailing off, and noticing Lucas bleeding. "What happened?" she asked, quickly sucking in her breath as she walked forward and took Lucas's chin in her hand turning his face this way and that, looking at it carefully.

"Mom, he..."

"What happened, Robert?" she asked again, turning her gaze to me.

"Timmy and his friends jumped us," I said, as Lucas looked at me.

"They jumped me and Bobby saved me," Lucas told her. 

Mom looked back and forth between us for a moment before saying, "Come on, then." Taking us to the kitchen, she got Lucas's nose to stop bleeding. I went to my room to find him clean clothes. Mom told Lucas to go into the bathroom, wash up and change clothes.

When he came out, he carried his dirty ones. Mom took them from him, and went to wash them. We were left sitting there staring at each other.

"Thanks," he shyly said to me. I didn't say anything, just looked down, not even knowing why it had become so important to save him. "I know you don't like me, but thanks anyway," he said quietly, causing me to look up to find him looking at me with tears in his eyes.

I didn't know what to say. I shrugged, "I don't like myself much lately." 

A puzzled expression appeared on his face. "I don't get it."

"Before you came along," I said, hanging my head, "they picked on me all the time." Ashamed, I didn't raise my head for a minute. "I was just glad that they had found someone else to mess with" I sadly admitted. "I was glad you were the crybaby."

There was silence. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and I looked up to find him watching me. I have never had anyone just look at me that way. I could feel him focused entirely on me and it was an unsettling feeling, to say the least. "I'm really sorry," I finally said to him.

"Why?" he bitterly asked, "You don't like me anyway, so what does it matter?" He was right, but at the same time he wasn't, and for some reason that I didn't quite understand, it did matter.

I shrugged my shoulders, and then said, as if it was someone else, "I was afraid to like you." He got an incredulous look on his face, and he just stared at me.

"You, were afraid of me?" he snorted. 

"Yeah."

"Why?" he wondered.

"You were like me," I replied. He stared at me, without saying anything.

Walking into the room, mom asked, "Would you boys like something to eat?" saving us from anymore conversation for the moment.

What boy wouldn't, and we simultaneously said, "Yes" before breaking out in giggles. 

Mom just shook her head and went to get us a snack. She came right back in with a container filled with homemade chocolate chip cookies. Setting them down on the table between us, she said, "I'll be right back with the milk."

"Did you call Andy what I think you did?" I grinned. We both began devouring the cookies. Mom walked back in with the milk, setting it down on the table for us.

"Yeah," Lucas shyly said.

"You know he has no idea what the word means?" I giggled.

"I didn't think he did, which is what makes it so neat," Lucas said, smiling now.

"Yeah, its fun using big words on dummies," I said.

"Ain't it?" he said, laughing now himself. "He'll drive himself crazy now wondering what I called him."

That was the beginning, don't ask me how, with my stupidity, but that afternoon over some of mom's cookies, began a friendship that became so much more. It was funny, but from that afternoon on, Lucas and I became inseparable and spent every possible moment together. The only thing strange about it was that for the longest time, I never went to his house. It was months before I found out why.

One day I got up early, and decided to surprise Lucas, by going over to his house to get him for a change. I ran all the way over, excited to see him.

When I got there, I knocked on the door. It was opened by a huge man who stared down at me. He scared me, a lot.

"What do you want?" he growled.

"Ah...I mean...I... Is Lucas home?" I nervously stammered.

He just looked at me and I got more scared by the second, before he said, "Wait here," and walked away.

Next, I heard yelling from upstairs. "What did I tell you boy, about your little faggot friends coming over here, and disturbing me?"

Now I was scared for Lucas. I heard him cry, "Please, I'm sorry, please don't," and I could hear the sounds of him being hit.

Oh God, what had I done?

Then Lucas came running down the stairs, and pulled me as he ran past me crying "Come on!"

I didn't wait, just ran after him. He didn't stop until we got half way to my house.

He stood there with his head hung down and didn't say anything. Finally, I said, "I'm really sorry, I didn't know."

He shrugged his shoulders and mumbled, "Not your fault."

"Yeah it is," I told him. "He hit you."

He raised his head and shrugging his shoulders, said, "Yeah, he always does. If it wasn't this, it would be something else. Let's just go to your house, okay?" That was the end of it, although I didn't go back to his house for a long time. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't want to talk about it, so I let just it drop.

Another strange thing was that while I had been naked around Lucas lots of times, he never was around me. He saw me and my brothers naked a lot, but he never took his clothes off except alone in the bathroom. I asked him once about it and he just said he didn't want me to see his dick so I let it go at that. I guess some families were just different about that stuff and his was one of them.

It was about two months after visiting his house, that one day I ran into the bathroom to take a leak and found out why he never changed in front of me. I had been playing with my brothers, and Lucas was playing with my little brother, Danny, when I had to go real bad and ran for the bathroom. Mom had come by to tell us to get ready for bed a few minutes ago, and without thinking, I ran into the bathroom, not realizing that Lucas had already gone in there to change. I had my dick out already and was at the toilet peeing before I even noticed him standing there naked just about to pull up his pajamas.

"Oh, sorry man, I couldn't hold..." I started to say, before I realized what I was seeing as he stared at me, obviously frightened. "Oh my God," was all I could say, as I stared, peeing forgotten for the moment, it was taking care of itself.

"You can't tell anyone," he said desperately.

"What happened?" I asked, in a horrified voice.

"Nothing," he replied, the fear evident in his voice.

"Lucas..." I started to say,

"You better watch what you're doing," he said, trying to change the subject, and I realized I was peeing on the floor and quickly got back to business. I finished and turned back to him to find him pulling his pajama top on and running past me, out of the bathroom. I cleaned up the mess quickly and went looking for him. When I found him, he looked up at me with such a look of fear, and I could see him begging me not to talk about it in front of the others, so I just sat down quietly and didn't say anything.

Soon enough, we were chased off to bed. Once we crawled into the bed we always shared, I turned to him and said, "Okay, out with it. What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," he whispered.

"Fine, I'm getting momma," I said, pushing back the covers.

"NO!" he cried out, grabbing my arm as I turned to look at him.

I just looked at him not saying anything, until he said, "Please, please you can't tell anyone, ever."

"What happened?" I asked again.

It couldn't be that bad, maybe he'd been in an accident or something.

"I can't tell you," he said.

"Lucas, why?" I asked confused.

"Cause I'd get in trouble," he replied.

"I don't understand," I told him. He looked down and didn't answer me, so I asked, "Did you like get in an accident or something?" 

That got a bitter laugh out of him, as he said, "Or something."

"What happened?" I asked again, not letting it go this time.

"Do you promise not to tell?" he asked me, looking up at me again.

"I guess," I told him.

"No, you have to promise, cross your heart and hope to die," he said again.

I didn't understand, but finally I said, "Okay, I promise."

"Cross your heart?" he asked.

I felt a cold shiver go through me, as I said, "Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a dagger in my eye," in complete solemnity.

He was looking at me intently and finally said, "Remember you promised" and at my nod, he said, "My dad."

"What about your dad?" I asked, confused.

He looked down and didn't speak for a moment but finally whispered, "He did it to me," causing me to gasp in disbelief.

"Your dad?" I said.

"Yeah, he hits me a lot," he told me.

"Come on," I said, pulling on his arm and dragging him from the bed.

"Where are we going?" he asked.

"To the bathroom, I wanna see," I told him.

He followed me in and stripped, without anything else being said, and turned around, letting me look. I realized then, that he didn't care about me seeing his dick or nothing before, he just didn't want me to see his back. There were huge, wicked red welts on it, and it looked like old ones too.

His dad did this to him. I couldn't believe it. I mean, my God, a guy's parents didn't do this stuff, they just didn't.

I didn't know what to say, as I let him go and stepped back, just standing there as he turned around and looked at me.

"It's okay, I'm kinda used to it now. I know you thought I was being weird before, but now you know," he said.

"Can't you do something, tell somebody?" I asked.

"You promised?" he said with panic in his voice now.

"I know but..."

"No, I ain't goin' to no orphanage, and that's where they'd put me if they even did anything," he said.

"It's gotta be better than this," I told him.

"No," was all that he said.

"I bet my mom could help," I said.

"NO, Bobby, you promised, please," he begged now.

I walked over to him and put my arms around him and just held him to me and said, "I know, I won't say anything, ever."

That promise sealed his fate, I'm sorry to say.

We peed and went back to bed. From then on, if no one was in the room, he changed in front of me. Sometimes the marks were worse than other times, but there was always something there, not to mention the scars from long ago beatings.

Lucas began to spend a lot more time at my house. I think that mom and dad sensed that something was terribly wrong at home for him, because they would ask repeatedly if everything was alright, but Lucas always told them everything was fine.

They did what they could, and loved him like he was one of their own, but that was all they could do. There were times when he would spend a whole week at our house without ever going home, and his dad never even called once to check on him.

We went to his house now and again to do stuff, but only when Lucas was absolutely sure his dad wouldn't be home. His dad seemed to come home really late though, so usually we went over only so he could do his chores. I always helped him, so he could get out of there as soon as possible. Neither one of us wanted to be there if his dad should show up unexpectedly.

We first really discovered our bodies about a year later, when we were nine. It was by accident. Although we had looked at each other before, and even touched each other a couple of times. It wasn't anything really sexual, just checking each other out.

We had run into the bathroom to use it as usual, just barely making it, only to find Jimmy in there already in the shower. We started going and then we noticed what he was doing and that he hadn't noticed us yet somehow. He was doing something to his dick. We looked on, and we were very curious, but we also didn't want to get caught, so we finished up and went quietly out of the room.

That night though, when we got under the covers, we started talking about it and then of course we had to try doing what we had seen. It felt kinda good, but we didn't really get it. It made them hard and all, but Jimmy seemed to like it a lot more than we did.

We went to sleep and decided we'd ask Jimmy the next day.

Sure enough, we found Jimmy, and I said, "Jimmy, can we talk to you a minute?"

"Sure," he replied and kinda nervously I said, "Well...umm...we kinda had to go to the bathroom..." 

I started off looking at Lucas, who said, "And we couldn't hold it and we didn't know..."

"What's going on, guys?" he asked, looking at us.

"We're afraid you're gonna be mad at us," I said, and Lucas nodded his head.

"Come on," Jimmy said, leading us off to the fort we had in the tree.

When we got up there he said, "Look guys, I'm not gonna be mad at you, just tell me what's wrong, okay?"

I looked nervously at Lucas but finally said, "We had to go real bad and couldn't hold it."

"Okay you always wait to the last minute to go, did you pee yourself again?" he asked. 

Feeling my face heating up in embarrassment, I said, "NO!" in indignation.

"Okay so what's wrong?" he asked with a confused look on his face.

"Well, we didn't know you were in there" I said.

Lucas said, "We swear, we just ran in and were going before we even knew"

"So, you guys have seen me naked before," he said now more confused.

"Not like this" I said looking down

"Not like... oh," he said falling silent. "You saw me?" he asked

I just nodded my head, still without looking up at him.

"I'm not mad," he said. 

I looked up to find him smiling at me. "You're not?" I asked him.

"Nah, I do it in there so none of you little guys see it is all. Mom and dad say there ain't nothing wrong with it or anything," he told us.

"What were you doing?" I asked.

"I thought you said you saw what I was doing?" he asked.

"Well, we did," I replied 

Lucas added,"We just don't know why you were doing it."

"Well, I was doing it cause it feels really good," he told us.

I looked at Lucas and he just shrugged his shoulders at me.

"It does?" I finally said.

"Yeah it does," he told us, laughing.

"We tried it and it felt okay, but not that great," I said.

He looked at us and then said, "Well maybe that's cause you're still too little."

"We ain't too little," I said. 

Lucas added, "It got hard like yours did, but it didn't feel real good."

"Well, it should have been the most wonderful feeling in the world," he said.

"How can just grabbing your dick be that great?" I asked him, but he just looked at us and started laughing.

"You were just holding it?" he finally asked, with a huge grin on his face.

"Yeah, that's what you were doing," I replied, not happy now that he was laughing at us.

"I'm sorry, little brother, but you got to rub it, that's what I was doing."

"You were?" I asked. Both Lucas' and my eyes got big.

"Yep," he said.

"Will you show us how?" I asked him.

He kinda hemmed and hawed about it, but finally said he would show us if we promised not to tell. We promised and that began our adventure with sex. It started out touching ourselves then each other and stuff and it went on a while. Eventually, it tapered off as we got older for some reason. It was fun while we did it though, a lot of fun and it brought us even closer to one another.

As the time went on, that closeness became something that I had no words to describe at my young age. I couldn't stand to be apart, and every moment with him seemed to be when I was alive and every moment apart seemed to be like there was a hole there where something should be.

Soon we were ten and then eleven and it was then that sex came back into our lives, only much different from before, much different. It wasn't playing anymore, although it started out that way of course, it just didn't stay that way for very long.

By eleven, Lucas lived more at our house than at his, and his father didn't care at all as long as the chores were done and he got to smack him once in a while. Since he wasn't there much, that wasn't happening very often anymore and most of his clothes were at our house. He still shared a bed with me, although mom and dad had offered to get him a bed of his own a long time ago, he didn't want one so we remained together.

We both noticed an uncomfortable new thing happening lately and that was boners, real hard ones that came at the worst times you could want one. We didn't understand it, but we knew that when we got them they only got more uncomfortable until we rubbed them like Jimmy had taught us. At first, we didn't tell each other, but as usual we never hid anything from the other. It wasn't a week after they had started that we told each other about them and admitted to one another that we were kinda freaked out about it all.

Of course we decided to go to Jimmy for answers, and he explained about some of the stuff to us and told us to go to dad. He would talk to us more, after which we were kind of scared to do it, but he took us both by the hand and made us go to our dad and when we got there he simply said, "Dad they're getting boners all the time that won't go away," before turning and leaving us there, dying of embarrassment.

Dad explained things to us, a lot of things that actually made us feel a lot better, even if some of it was rather embarrassing. He was really a pretty neat dad, and he told us all sorts of stuff about it that made us feel a lot better and even told us about this stuff that might come out of our dicks or soon would. I'm really glad he did, cause I would've flipped out if it had happened and I hadn't known what it was.

Then he said to go back to Jimmy and he could tell us some more boy stuff that we might not want to talk about with him. We thanked him and did just that. Jimmy showed us what that stuff was and told us a bunch of stuff that made us feel a lot better about things that we didn't ask dad about. Of course, before we were done, we took care of the problem that talking about it had caused, and had a lot of fun.

We had been doing it to each other for a while, which we really liked, but it was a few weeks later that it changed. One night we were lying in bed in our underwear talking and for some reason we found ourselves rubbing each other and not there either.

On our sides, we lay facing each other, talking softly. It was strange. We both realized what we were doing at the same time. Becoming quiet, looking away in embarrassment, we pulled our hands from each other. There was an awkward silence for a few moments, before I felt his hand return to me causing me to gasp as it ran up and down my arm and shoulder.

Looking up at him, I could see the hesitancy and fear in his eyes, but his touch was sending shivers through me, and I didn't want him to stop. I guess I took too long, because suddenly he mumbled "I'm sorry" removing his hand and turning over quickly, but I could see the tears in his eyes.

"What for?" I asked softly, as my hand went out to him and I began stroking his back gently. I could feel him stiffen under my touch and he didn't answer me at first, but slowly turned back to me looking at me intently. "What for?" I repeated gently as my hand kept up it's motions on him.

This wasn't the experimentation my dad and Jimmy talked about, this was something different. We weren't just playing with our dicks and nothing else. I liked... no, I loved touching him. It didn't have anything to do with our dicks, well it did, but it was different.

"Don't" he said.

"I don't understand," I said, still rubbing him gently.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said, turning over away from me.

"Lucas, it's okay, really," I told him. 

He responded, "No it ain't, stop," and he pushed my hand off him.

"Lucas..."

"Stop Bobby, go to sleep," he told me coldly, and that was the end of it. He wouldn't say anything else. When I reached out again to touch him, he got out of bed and grabbed a blanket out of the closet. I watched him make a bed on the floor. Nothing I could say changed his mind. I went to bed for the first time in a long time without him by my side, and with tears running down my cheeks at the pain of his hurting me.

I just didn't understand what was wrong.

The next morning, mom found us like that. Without saying anything about the odd sleeping arrangement, she woke us up for school. Lucas wouldn't talk to me or anything all that morning, or on the way to school. It was like a light had gone out in my world.

I was too little to understand the feelings. All I knew was that I hurt inside real bad, but the worst was yet to come. At the end of the day, when I waited for him to come out to go home, he walked past me without even saying hello, acting as if I didn't exist. I was left there on the steps of the school with my mouth open. I took off after him, calling "Lucas, wait!"

"Leave me alone, Bobby," he said, and in such a cold voice that it stopped me in my tracks for a moment. As if he'd hit me, there was no warmth or feeling, other than coldness in his voice.

"Lucas," I called, feeling the tears well up in my eyes as I ran after him again but he didn't answer me. "Lucas," I yelled, catching up to him and grabbing his arm to stop him.

What happened next left me lost and devastated as he turned on me and snarled, "Leave me alone. I ain't gonna be no fucking faggot. Just leave me the fuck alone," and took off running. I stood there feeling like my whole world had just gone away. It felt as if a giant sucking pit was swallowing me up, taking all the warmth and light out of my life in that instant. I watched his back as he ran away. He ran away from me.

With tears in my eyes, I began to slowly walk home. When I got there, I got another shock. Lucas had not come home, he had gone to his house. He would rather be there with his dad than me, now.

I wouldn't talk to mom or anyone, I just went to my room and fell onto the bed crying until I fell asleep. My world went away that day. I knew that my life was empty now. My heart had gone with it. I didn't understand it, but I knew it was true nonetheless.

I woke up to someone rubbing my back softly. At first I thought in ecstasy that Lucas had returned, but almost as soon as I thought it I just knew it wasn't him. I turned to find Jimmy sitting there with a small smile on his face as he tried to comfort me.

"Hey champ," he said. I looked at him and felt the tears falling again. After a minute or two, he asked, "Wanna tell me about it?"

I just threw myself into his arms. He held me as I cried long and hard for something I didn't even understand being lost now. Finally, when I could stop enough to speak, I let him go a little, although he kept his arms lightly around me to offer comfort.

"What happened?" he asked softly.

"I don't know," I told him honestly.

"Something had to have happened," he said gently to me.

"Yeah, but I don't know what," I told him.

"Why don't you tell me about it?" he asked.

"We were lying in bed talking. We didn't even know we were doing it, but we were rubbing each other," I said.

"Ah. Bobby, I thought me and dad told you that it's okay to do that stuff," he said sighing.

"Huh? No, it wasn't that," I said, blushing a bit. "We were rubbing each other's arms and backs while we were talking," I said.

He looked at me a minute before saying, "Go on."

"Well, we stopped when we realized what we were doing, but then he started doing it again. I really liked it, but before I could say anything, he stopped again and started crying, saying he was sorry," I told him. "I tried to say it was okay, but he wouldn't talk to me. When I started rubbing his arm, he got mad and slept on the floor," I said.

"What else?" he asked.

"This afternoon, I waited like always to walk home with him. Only he wouldn't talk to me or nothing, and when I grabbed his arm to try to stop him, he said to leave him alone, and said he wasn't gonna be no fucking faggot," I told him, crying again as I relived the memory of a short time ago. "He took off running and... and..." and I just couldn't go on as I broke down again in Jimmy's arms.

When I had cried it out pretty much for now, he asked me softly, "Do you know what a faggot is?"

I just shook my head and replied, "Just something you don't wanna be. It's bad."

"No, it's not. At least I hope not, Bobby, cause I am one," he said, causing me to look up at him shocked.

All the kids at school said it was a really, really bad thing to be one, and now my brother was saying he was one.

"What... I mean... Gosh, Jimmy, you can't be one; it's really bad," I said to him.

He laughed softly and said, "You don't even know what it means."

"So tell me," I said, softly.

He looked away for a moment before looking back at me and saying softly, "You know how a boy likes a girl?"

"You mean that sex stuff, yuck" I said.

"Yeah, that's part of it, but I mean you know how guys love girls when they get older?"

"I guess," I said as the thought of loving a girl or doing sex stuff with one was yucky.

"Well, you know how Mom and Dad love each other?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's okay," I said, smiling a little.

"Well, a faggot is someone who loves a guy that way," he said.

A guy, well that's okay. "You and dad told me it was okay to do stuff with guys remember?" I asked, kinda confused now.

"Uh champ, remember we told you it was okay to mess around with other guys. And then when you got older you would get interested in girls?"

"Yeah, but I ain't ever gonna like girls, I'd get cooties," I told him with eleven year old indignation clearly evident in my voice, which caused him to laugh.

"Oh, baby brother, you don't understand. Guys aren't supposed to like other guys that way for long. When you're a kid, it's okay, but then you're supposed to start liking girls" he told me.

"So a faggot is someone who never likes girls?" I asked.

"Oh, I like them; I just don't love them and I don't think I ever will," he told me.

"I don't get it," I said.

"Look Bobby, when you're a kid, you mess around with other boys and stuff, but when you get older you're supposed to start liking girls and falling in love with them. You grow up and get married and have kids and stuff, but a faggot doesn't; he never falls in love with a girl. A faggot falls in love with guys not girls, and it's not just sex stuff, but love like Mom loves Dad," he told me.

"Okay, but why is being a faggot so bad, then?" I asked, still not getting it.

He shook his head and then said, "Cause everyone says it's bad for a guy to love another guy the way you're supposed to love a girl."

"Why?" I asked him again, confused.

"Well, cause it is," he told me.

"But that's dumb. I thought love was a good thing?" I said.

"Um well, it is, just not that kind of love," he told me.

"But love is love and it's all supposed to be good, isn't it?" I asked, bewildered.

I was more confused than ever. I guess he saw it on my face, because he said, "Wait here," and set me off of him. Jimmy left the room, leaving me to sit there perplexed, thinking over everything he had said in the last few minutes.

Being a faggot was wrong and for some reason, Lucas was scared he was one, so he was mad at me. I just didn't get it.

Jimmy came back into the room and had Dad with him, who shut the door behind him as he came over to the bed, taking me into his arms as Jimmy sat down beside us.

"Hey champ, I hear you got a problem?" he said to me.

"Yeah, dad, Lucas went home," I said to him.

"I know, your momma told me, son. I'm sorry about that," he said.

"So am I," I told him.

"Jimmy said you have some questions about homosexuality?" he asked.

Looking at him in confusion, I said, "Huh? No, what's that?" Dad turned to look at Jimmy sharply.

"Dad he doesn't know that word for it," Jimmy quickly said.

"Well, what is the problem then, baby boy?" Dad asked.

"I'm confused. Lucas is afraid he's gonna be a faggot. When I asked Jimmy about it, he says that it's just a boy loving another boy. I don't understand what's so wrong with that, but all the boys at school say a faggot is real bad, but it don't seem like it to me, and Jimmy says that love is good, but loving a boy is bad and..." I said all in a rush. 

Dad held up his hand saying, "Whoa, whoa there. Okay, first of all 'faggot' is considered by a lot of people to be a derogatory name. The proper term is homosexual, alright?"

"Okay, so they mean the same thing?" I asked.

"Yes, exactly," he replied.

"So why is it so bad?" I asked.

"Well, first of all, it's not bad at all, it's just different. Sadly, a lot of people can't accept different though," he said.

"So they don't like it cause it's different?" I asked, still not getting it.

"Essentially, yes. Many people feel that homosexuality is wrong, but I am not one of them and neither is your mother," he said.

"I don't understand, hating people for loving someone is stupid," I said to him.

"Yes, it is, but it doesn't stop people from doing it I'm afraid," he told me.

"Why?" I asked him.

"Remember the bullies when you were little who picked on you?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"Do you remember why?"

"Cause I was a crybaby and smarter than them," I said.

"You were open with your emotions. And yes, you were smarter than they were. They were jealous of that, and the fact that you were different caused them to single you out to hurt you," he told me.

"So, if you love another boy, that would make you different too, and they wouldn't like that?" I asked starting to think I understood it now.

"Yes, that's it exactly. It doesn't make it any more wrong than you being smarter than they were, but it won't stop them from hating," he said.

"That's still dumb," I said. 

He laughed and said, "Yep, it sure is."

"So all this is cause Lucas thinks he might be a homosexual?" I asked.

"I don't know, honey. I just don't know, but it sounds like it could be, and he's afraid of it," he said to me.

"Well, I'll just have to tell him it's okay," I replied.

"It's not that easy, baby. He has heard all his life how bad it is, and that is going to be a lot to overcome," Dad said.

"I know, Dad, but I think I love him and can't stand for him not to be here," I said, looking up at him.

He just looked at me for a minute before saying, "Honey, if you're a homosexual then so be it, and you need to know that I'll always love you no matter what, okay?"

"Yeah, Dad, I know that," I said, not realizing yet just what he was trying to tell me and how important it was to me. I just knew that my dad loved me and always would. It was something that I took for granted, like the sun rising and setting. It had never occurred to me that he could not love me. That was just too alien a concept for my young mind to fathom.

"Well, give it a little time with Lucas. If he loves you half as much as you love him, I bet he comes around and you two will get this all resolved," he told me.

"I hope so Dad, I can't live without him," I whispered.

I can't live without him I thought as my dad hugged me to him and stroked my back offering me what comfort he could, as I thought about those hazel eyes and how much I missed them.

Lucas, please come home.

Lucas didn't come home. Lucas didn't speak to me and he wouldn't have anything to do with me either. One day turned into two, then three, and a week, and my heart hurt more each day that he avoided me and refused to speak to me.

I tried, I really did, but nothing seem to get through to him. I just didn't know what to do anymore. Even Jimmy tried to get through to him, but he wouldn't speak to him either.

Mom, Dad, Jimmy and my brothers tried to be there for me, but I wasn't consolable; walking around feeling as if my heart was dead in my chest.

I guess fate has a way of putting their hand into things, because about two weeks of misery later, being at his house came back to haunt him and I got my Lucas back. I just wish it wasn't the way it happened. I had come home from school and went to my room falling on my bed to lay there staring at nothing as I had been doing for two weeks. I don't know how much later it was when I heard the doorbell ring, but I didn't care so didn't pay it much attention. Until I heard my mother scream for Jimmy to come quick.

Something about her voice sent chills down my spine, and I suddenly got very afraid. I jumped up out of the bed and took off running for the front door. Upon getting there, I came to an abrupt halt at the sight which confronted me. There, just inside the door, was a bloody and battered boy lying on the floor, with my mother kneeling alongside. It was Lucas.

"Lucas," I whispered in horror, and I ran to his side. Falling to my knees, I cried again, "Lucas." Jimmy came running in, and stopped in shock, much as I had a moment ago.

Oh my God, Lucas, was all I could think as I looked down on him with the tears falling freely down my cheeks.

"Oh my God, what happened?" Jimmy asked as he walked slowly up to his mother looking down at Lucas lying there.

"I don't know," she said. "Help me get him up."  We all grabbed him and lifted him up, carrying him into the living room.

Lucas was moaning, and didn't seem to see anything. He just kept turning his head back and forth.

"Jimmy run and get a couple of wet washrags right now" mom said as we set him on the couch.

"Lucas," I called to him again as I sank down at his side, but he didn't respond.

"Mom?" I looked up with tear filled eyes, not able to say what I was feeling; simply looking at her, begging that he was alright.

"Bobby, let me look at him" she said, beginning to take his shirt off.

"Mom, don't," I said suddenly, knowing Lucas wouldn't want her to see him.

She looked at me strangely and said, "Robert, I need to check for injuries."

"He doesn't like people to see him," I quickly said, hoping she would let it drop.

"Robert, I have seen how many boys naked?" she asked, smiling gently at me.

"Please mom?" I asked, just looking at her. She didn't move for a minute, but then nodded and buttoned his shirt back up and another nail went in.

"Thanks mom," I said softly as Jimmy came running back with the washcloths and handed them to our mother. She took them and began gently wiping the blood off his face and neck where it had run down his skin. It didn't look as bad when she got him cleaned up, but he was still out of it. Mom felt around his head and then examined the rest of his body.

Finally, she looked up, directly at me, and said, "He has a knot on his head, but there doesn't seem to be anything else wrong with him, although I can't see much without taking his clothes off." 

Suddenly, he sat straight up, scaring the hell out of all of us. He cried, "Bobby!" looking around as if he couldn't see me.

I looked at mom quickly, then told him, "Lucas, it's okay. I'm right here," but it didn't seem to do any good. His shoulders slumped down, and he said, "Bobby," again only this time much softer.

"Lucas," I said, reaching out and taking him into my arms.

I didn't know what I was doing, but it felt right somehow. He stiffened in my arms at first, but then melted into them, suddenly sobbing and crying, "Bobby, Bobby," over and over again.

"Shhh, I'm here Lucas, I'm here," I said just holding the most important person in the world in my arms, and vowing that I would never let go. I had put my head down on his shoulder, and had my eyes closed, as I whispered, "It's gonna be okay, you're here now, it's gonna be okay," over and over again. I don't know how long I sat there until he slowly eased off of his crying and then pulled back slightly. My heart almost burst when he stayed in my arms and wrapped his around me as well. He just looked at me and neither of us said anything as the tears ran down his cheeks and I realized mine as well.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

"So am I," I told him.

Nothing else was said. We just looked into one another's eyes and the feelings went back and forth between us. For the life of me I couldn't describe it. It was as if everything in the world was down to that one small point of existence occurring between us at that moment. The rest of the world didn't exist for either of us. I saw and felt his love, fear, and hope At least until mom reminded us that it existed, but the time we spent spoke volumes.

"What happened honey?" she asked softly

I could see the fear suddenly enter his eyes. He finally realized that he would have to tell, and I couldn't say that didn't make me happy.

I wanted his father to stop hurting him; no dad should do to him what his had been doing.

"Nothing" he mumbled, not looking at my mother. I watched as her eyes narrowed and she reached out and gently took his chin in her hand, turning him towards her.

"What happened, baby? You don't have to be afraid anymore," she told him softly.

He didn't answer her, looking down, refusing to meet her eyes. Finally, she let it go and said, "Why don't you take Lucas up to your room and have him lie down for a while. Lucas let me know if you feel dizzy, nauseous or have any blurred vision okay?"

"Yes, ma'am," Lucas replied.

Mom got up and left the room and Jimmy, after looking at us for a moment followed.

"Lucas, your father did this to you didn't he?" I whispered to him

"You can't tell," he said to me. "Please?" begging me with his voice

"Lucas..." 

He interrupted me, and said again, "Please." 

Looking at me with such pleading in his eyes that I relented and said, "Okay," and with that word, nailed the last of the nails in. This was the last chance, and between us we hadn't taken it, hadn't known we needed to.

I helped him up, slowly walking him up to our room and helped him out of his clothes. I led him into the bathroom where I got a washcloth and very gently cleaned him up as best I could without taking a bath before taking him back to our bed and laying him down on it while I removed my clothes and crawled in beside him.

I was scared to touch him. He was looking at me, and reached out his hand and placed it on my shoulder. He began to stroke my arm gently up and down. I gasped and a smile lit my face as the feelings were so good, so right, that began coursing through me. I placed my hand on his side and began doing the same to him, watching a smile spread across his face as well.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"It's okay, now," I said to him, because now it was, my Lucas was back.

"No, it's not, I have to explain what happened," Lucas said.

"No, you don't, as long as you're back now, that's what matters," I said.

"I have to, please," he said to me

I simply nodded my head saying, "Okay."

"My dad has told me that faggots are evil and going to hell all my life and... and," he said but stopped there.

"You're scared because now it ain't messing around anymore," I told him. 

His eyes got big but all he did was nod his head. "I knew it that night. I just wanted to touch you, and hold you, and it didn't have nothing to do with our dicks, I just never wanted to let you go," he said softly.

"I know, I felt the same way," I smiled. "At first, I was embarrassed and wondered what you would think, but then, when you reached out to me and started touching me again, it made me so happy, and it felt so good, so right that I couldn't speak for a minute. You thought I didn't want it, but I did," I told him.

"I was scared and thought you were just doing it to make me feel better, but more than that, I didn't want to be a faggot. I learned what one is and I don't want to go to hell," he said.

"You won't. Dad says there's nothing wrong with being one," I told him.

"But dad says..." he started to say. 

"Your dad is an asshole, don't listen to him," I interrupted.

He looked away, but then back, "He's called me one as long as I can remember, I don't want to be what he says I am," he said.

"Your dad thinks being a faggot is bad, but it's not, Lucas. You be whatever you are and I'll be right here with you," I said.

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah, really, cause I think I'm one too, cause I love you so much, and don't ever want to let you go either," I told him, smiling at him. 

He gasped and repeated, "Really?"

"Yeah, really. I just don't want you to ever go away again like that," I said.

"Don't worry, I won't," he whispered as he pulled me to him and we wrapped our arms around each other.

"I...I love you," he said softly in my ear.

"I love you too, Lucas, and I always will," I said and heard him sob as his body began shaking. I found tears in my eyes again as well. I whispered, "Never leave me."

"I won't, I promise. I don't care if this makes me a faggot or not. For the first time in my life, I'm happy, really happy," he said as we cried into each other's arms, releasing all the pain and fear that had consumed us.

My heart was filled with the most wonderful feelings that I can't begin to describe, but it was like the light and warmth of the sun had come back into my life. I was ready to burst with it. It was as if I was whole once again, filled and complete. I knew that we would be together always, because I would never let this feeling go, never.

We fell asleep like that and woke up like that as well, looking into one another's eyes, just looking and seeing so much as our hearts and souls finally melded together into one.

I can't tell you when it happened, but one moment we were staring into each other's eyes, and the next our heads were slowly moving towards each other, not even realizing or knowing what we were doing. Our lips met. It felt as if a jolt of electricity went shooting through me. I could tell Lucas felt the same as our heads came apart and we looked at one another.

The love there in his eyes was something that I would never forget. The love that filled my heart knew no bounds. Our breathing was suddenly fast, and I felt hot all over. We allowed our lips to come together again, only this time much longer.

That afternoon we found out what the term 'making love' really meant, and it wasn't intercourse. We had had sex before, touching one another and making ourselves feel good, but this was different; much, much different.

Our hands went out and began touching once again, rubbing arms, shoulders, backs, our chests and even down onto each other's butts, but the one place we didn't touch was our dicks. We didn't even take off our underwear. I don't know why we didn't, but thinking back on it, I think we just knew this was about loving and not just sex.

Oh, don't get me wrong, we were both the hardest we had ever been, but it just wasn't important right then, loving one another was.

We kissed and caressed one another as the heat built in our bodies and tried to pull one another into each other in an attempt to get closer to one another, loving each other in a completely new way. When it felt as if we couldn't take anymore, suddenly, as we clung to each other, there was the brightest explosion we had ever experienced that caused us to cry out with the feelings overwhelming our bodies and minds.

I don't know what happened, but when I awoke it was to Jimmy standing there, looking worried, shaking me, asking, "Bobby? Bobby what's wrong?"

Wrong? Nothing's wrong. I had never felt better in my life, although it scared the shit out of me. All the heat and feelings had been in one area, and now they radiated out from that spot in pleasant warmth; an ache that left me feeling exhausted, but in oh so good a way as I looked up at him smiling and said, "Nothing, why?"

"You screamed," he said. "What happened?"

I seemed to kinda recall that, but I said, "I don't know, we were holding each other...."

"And it felt soooooo good," Lucas said from beside me.

"And then it was like... like... I don't know, Jimmy, it was the best feeling I've ever had," I told him.

"Me too," Lucas added before getting a funny look on his face. He added, "Shit, I think I pissed myself," and I realized I did too.

Blushing, I said, "I think I did too."

"I think you got the feeling, guys," Jimmy said, into this embarrassed silence.

"But we weren't touching 'em and we ain't got no sperms," I said, knowing he was talking about the feeling he had when his sperms came out.

"I bet you do now," Jimmy laughed.

We threw the covers back and looked at each other. We could see the wet spot in the front of our underwear. We looked at each other a moment before pushing our underwear down.

It wasn't much, and it wasn't as white as Jimmy's, but it was definitely sperms and we both yelled, "YEA!" at the sight, while Jimmy just kept laughing.

"Far out, guys, congratulations," Jimmy said. We looked at what there was, still not believing it.

I guess we were in shock but all we could do was stare and then reach slowly out and touch the new substance that apparently was coming out of our bodies now. We looked at it and played with it giggling and even smelled it before Lucas touched his finger to his tongue tasting it.

"Ewww," I said upon seeing that.

"It doesn't taste bad," Lucas told me. I realized that he was tasting me. Suddenly, I wanted to have a part of him in me and taste him as well. With some trepidation, I reached my finger down and brought some back to my lips, looking at it for a moment before placing it in my mouth.

"Ahhh," I said, as the most incredible taste filled my mouth, because it was from the one I loved more than any other in the world. It was sweet and nice and I loved it I thought, as I smiled at him and received a smile in return.

"Just don't stick it in any girls now or you can get them pregnant," Jimmy chuckled, ruining the moment. 

Lucas and I said, at the same time, "Ewwww, cooties!" which just got Jimmy laughing harder.

Then he got serious as he sat down beside us. Staring into Lucas's eyes, Jimmy said softly, "Lucas, I told Bobby this and now I'm telling you. I'm a faggot, I like boys."

Lucas didn't say anything for a minute, and then he said simply, "So am I."

They didn't say anything; they just looked at one another. Before long, Jimmy smiled and said, "If you ever need someone, I'm here for you, okay?"

Lucas smiled warmly back up at him, and then reached over and pulled my brother into a hug, saying, "Thanks, that means a lot."

"Are you okay?" Jimmy asked, sitting back up.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna be just fine," Lucas replied smiling and somehow I knew he would be, we would both be.

Lucas, if he hadn't already, basically moved in with us at that point, never going home at all, except for chores, and his dad didn't get the chance to get him too much. I always went with him. There were a few occasions when his father showed up unexpectedly, but hardly ever, so we got comfortable, too comfortable.

Our love deepened over the next months. We each turned twelve. My parents bought Lucas his gifts. His father didn't even remember his birthday or care.

We had taken to going over and doing his chores, and sometimes having a bit of fun while we were at his house, since it was the only place we could be truly in private.

That first day, when we had truly discovered our love for one another, we went downstairs, after cleaning up and all. Mom had been sitting on the sofa. Smiling, she asked if we had had fun. It was so embarrassing. We took whatever chances we could to get away from them, and the little ones who liked to tease us whenever they could.

All was right with the world and I couldn't ever have been happier than I was in those months. It seemed as if my love for Lucas grew each day, and even sometimes, I thought, each hour and minute.

Jimmy had taught us some more sex stuff and we certainly had a lot of fun putting what he taught into practice, but it was the love that meant the most to us. Jimmy had said one day to us, "You can always find some boy to play with your dick, but you can't find one that will love you so easily," and he was right. I would never find another that I would or could love like I loved Lucas.

The end, when it came, was so normal, and I think that made it all the more unexpected. We made our way to Lucas's house for his chores that bright sunny Wednesday afternoon.

We had a great day at school for a change and couldn't wait to get to his house to look at what we had just recently discovered on ourselves. Lucas had found a hair on me. I had hair finally, and I had found two on him. It was so cool and we checked each day, several times, to see if there were any more.

We were looking forward to exploring the land to see if any more had grown in the field since we had left for school that day. We were joking and laughing all the way to his house. I knew I was hard as a rock thinking about the field trip we were about to take, cause just looking for new growth felt so good.

We got to his house, and did the few things we had to do to keep his father happy, and still had at least two hours before his dad got off of work. Heading up to his room, we did like we had done every day, knowing that it was safe. Every time, we stopped about a foot apart from each other, looking at one another, and into one another's eyes. This had become our special thing; before anything else, we just looked at one another. And then slowly moved forward, until our lips met, and our arms went around each other, kissing and cuddling together.

We would stay like that, caressing one another for several minutes while we kissed. Then one or the other of us would reach around and begin undoing the other's shirt, ever so slowly until it was undone. Then we would take them off and kick our shoes off for the next part.

We would hold one another and kiss some more, pressing ourselves against each other, running our hands up and down each other's backs until our hands made their way around to the front, where we found the snap on the jeans followed by the zipper and slowly opened them.

After taking them off, we would go over to the bed and lay down together bringing one another into each other's arms once again where we would touch each other all over except for one place that we always saved until last, the most special place.

As we kissed and rubbed each other, the feelings would build. Our bodies would work together until hands slipped down and pushed our last piece of clothing off of us, leaving us completely together with our love and our heat.

Often, by this time it didn't take more than a minute to get us wet before we could ever actually touch each other, but today it didn't happen as we kissed and rubbed and pushed against one another, the heat rising towards unbearable levels. Lucas pulled back, smiling, "I love you," as he eased himself down and took me in the best way possible.

It lasted only a minute once I was in his mouth. I had been so hot before he took me, that the explosion overcame me with enough force to cause everything to go black once again after the bright light.

When I became aware again, it was to him crawling back up to lay next to me and kiss me softly on the lips before I pushed him back down and proceeded down to give him what he had just so wonderfully given to me.

As short a time as I had taken he took even less before I tasted his sweet self in my mouth and heard his cry of pleasure at the release.

I didn't want it to end and it was only him pushing me off of him that made me let it go finally as I sighed and came back up to take him in my arms and hold him tightly saying, "I love you," to him as we kissed gently totally spent, happy and content.

I guess we drifted off to sleep for a while. The next thing I knew was this incredible sensation coursing through my body. I opened my eyes to realize that he had me in his hand and was softly stroking me up and down, making me feel waves of pleasure as he pushed his dick against my leg obviously feeling quite good himself.

I let my hand go to his organ and felt him gasp as I took it in my hand and began returning the love he was giving to me.

"We should go," he said.

"What time is it?" I asked, suddenly concerned.

"Five," he replied.

"He won't be home for another hour and a half, will he?"

"No, I guess not," he said as he went back to what he had been doing.

"Good, cause I definitely don't want to go home right now," I told him, grinning.

"Don't you ever get enough?" he asked, giggling.

"No," I replied, giggling along with him.

And with that, I sealed our fate and that of the one I loved more than any in this world.

We touched and held one another. Soon, Lucas cried out that he was getting the feeling and I watched as two small spurts of sperm came shooting out of his dick. I could feel it start to begin for me too. All it took was seeing the joy on his face to set me off and complete my own.

"It's coming," I gasped as he stroked faster and then it was there as I felt my own sperm shooting from me as the explosion overtook me.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" I heard yelled, bringing me suddenly back to here and now. Fear coursed through me, replacing the joy of seconds ago upon turning to look at the figure standing in the doorway. It was Lucas's father.

We were both frozen with fear and Lucas's hand was locked around my dick with him being unable to move it.

Then it began.

"FUCKING FAGGOTS, I'LL TEACH YOU!" he screamed, as he came bounding over to us and began to hit the both of us.

We were screaming now and he was yelling at us to shut up and that we would burn in hell for this as he struck us over and over again.

I had never hurt so much from where he had hit me. I was beginning to think he might kill us the way it was going.

"No son of mine is going to be a faggot," he said, finally grabbing Lucas by his throat and lifting him up.

Lucas was choking and his face was turning bright red as I pounded on his father's arms screaming, "LET HIM GO! LET HIM GO!"

I had never been so scared in my life, but the fear was no longer for me but the one I loved as I saw the red turn to purple

"YOU'RE KILLING HIM!" I screamed, in panic now. 

He laughed and said, "Good."

In desperation, I lunged forward and sank my teeth into his arm, causing him to bellow "OWWW!" It had the desired effect. He let Lucas go in order to strike me again, only he grabbed onto me as I fell back from his blow and threw me around and across the room, where I slammed into the wall.

I heard something snap and felt an incredible pain shoot through my shoulder and arm as I screamed in agony and he was walking towards me.

I know I pissed myself at that point, I could feel the wetness falling on me as he said, "Suffer not the sinner to live, I shall have no faggots in my house nor shall I suffer them to live."

As he got to me, I heard, "Hey dad, did it make you hard seeing what we were doing?"

Oh my God, what was he doing, I thought, as I watched through pain filled eyes as his father came to a stop mere inches from me and his face got bright red with the rage that filled it at hearing those words.

"I'll kill you," he growled as he turned and walked back towards Lucas.

"No, leave him alone, you're the faggot, you liked seeing us doing it," I said.

I couldn't let him hurt Lucas anymore.

His father froze again, but then started forward towards Lucas once again.

"Bobby run, RUN," Lucas screamed as his father struck out and caught Lucas a glancing blow as he ducked to get out of the way of the hand that was coming at him.

"NO! I WON'T LEAVE YOU!" I screamed.

He didn't duck the next one, but managed to scream, "GO! GET HELP!"

"GO!" he screamed, desperation in his voice now as he saw me still laying there.

His father turned towards me now, and I quickly scrambled up and began crawling away, trying to get to my feet. He laughed, "Don't go too far, little faggot, you're next," causing chills to run down my spine.

I made it to the door and with tears running down my face, looked back to see Lucas curled into a ball being struck over and over again.

"I love you," I called to him, but I don't know if he heard me. I scrambled out the door and ran as fast as I could for the front door. I ran outside screaming for someone, anyone to help us, over and over again, but no one came out. I made it onto the lawn and collapsed in pain.

It was then that I heard a sound that would haunt me for the rest of my life.

A blood curdling scream that would make anything ever heard in a horror movie seem tame in comparison. I knew from whose throat it had come; Lucas'. It was followed by a crack and when I looked up, it was to see the end of my world.

Lucas came flying back, first through his bedroom window, screaming as he fell, to land with a sickening thud as I cried in horror, "NOOOOOO!" 

And to hear his father laughing as I looked up to find in him at the window watching; watching and laughing, he said, "Don't go away now."

I crawled over to my love whispering, "Lucas, oh Lucas, no."

When I got to him he was coughing and blood was burbling up out of his mouth. I said, "Lucas, you're going to be alright," but even I knew he wasn't.

I think he did too when he looked up at me with pain filled eyes. I could tell just by looking into them how much agony he was in, but my Lucas managed to smile up at me, and between ragged breaths say, "I... love... you... too," and then he said no more.

I watched the light begin to dull in his eyes. I screamed, "Lucas, NOOOOO, don't leave me, LUCAS!" begging him not to go, begging him to stay, but before I was through I witnessed the light, the love and the life fade from those beautiful hazel pools on my love. I felt my heart tear asunder as the last spark departed.

With everything in my soul, all the pain, all the anguish and all the love lost I screamed one word; "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

My world was over at that moment. With Lucas's life went my own. When I heard the snorting voice say, "Your turn, faggot," there wasn't even any fear, there wasn't anything, for I was dead as well, only my heart still beat. I looked up to see his hand coming towards me and I didn't care, I just hoped I would soon be with Lucas. The flash of silver struck home, bringing with it a fiery pain in my stomach that quickly turned to agony as the feeling shot through me.

I felt myself collapsing backward as he pulled the knife free and sank to his knees, saying, "Damn, I missed." He grabbed my dick and raised the knife once again, but I still didn't care as the blackness swept over me and took me away.

I heard screaming, I thought, but all I knew was that I would be with my Lucas soon, I would be with Lucas.

I awoke to pain and slowly opened my eyes, wondering what had happened and why I hurt so much. Then the memories came back, and I knew why I hurt so much and what was outside didn't hurt nearly as much as the pain within.

They told me I would be alright, but I didn't want to be, I wanted to be with Lucas. They told me that he had died instantly, which I knew wasn't true, but I wasn't going to tell them our final moments together, they were ours. They told me that I had a dislocated shoulder, a broken arm, internal injuries and a stab wound to my stomach, and somehow damage to my vocal cords, but I didn't care.

They told me that the police had arrived just after I had been stabbed, and that it looked like Lucas's father was about to do it again. I wished he had. They told me that he wouldn't put the knife down and they had had no choice except to fire on him to protect me. I wished they hadn't. They told me he had died. Why couldn't I have as well, was all I could think. They told me I almost had and that they had fought very hard to save my life, I wished they hadn't. They told me that it was all over the news and reporters were wanting to talk to me. I didn't care. They told me I would be alright. All I could think about was Lucas wasn't going to be.

I had killed him, and all I could do was wish I was dead too. I finally got out of the hospital three weeks later, and after many visits with a shrink who tried to talk to me about what had happened. I didn't talk.

I went home and existed. Nothing else, just existed, for my world was ended that Wednesday afternoon with my love. My parents and brothers were very worried about me, but there wasn't anything they could do. I think I would have found a way to kill myself if Jimmy hadn't been there.

Jimmy and I had always been close, and now he was the only thing that kept me in this world. He wouldn't give up on me, no matter how much I tried to get him to. Believe me I tried, over and over again I tried, but he wouldn't stop loving me.

Don't get me wrong, I was still a sullen and morose little boy and teenager over the next years, but he kept me alive.

He moved into my room and never left me alone, always cuddling me in bed or holding me when we were downstairs, but never allowing me to be alone.

I fought him at first, with everything in me, but he wouldn't give up until finally I gave up fighting and just put up with it until one day I relished it and then loved having it.

It was the only thing that kept me part way sane throughout that time.

End Flashback

---

"It wasn't until I met your mother that I began to heal; not that I wanted it, I fought it tooth and nail," Dad said. We held him, with tears streaming down our faces at what he had just told us. "She began to heal the old wounds and got me to open my heart once again to love," he said.

We all sat there in silence for a moment or two, until he said, "Lucas is the reason I went into family law, so I could help other children avoid what he had to go through. Lucas is why your loving one another doesn't bother me in the least. And finally, Daren, Lucas is why I won't let your mother hurt you ever again. I will never let it happen again. I am responsible for one child's death; I'll never be responsible for another."

There was silence, but finally Daren said, "You aren't responsible for him dying,"

Dad didn't say anything. Looking up at him, I saw that expression I knew so well. He didn't want to argue, but he didn't agree either.

"You're not, Dad. He died to protect you. He loved you," I told him.

"What's that thing you said one time about there is no love like giving your life for someone else, Dad?" Rodney asked quietly.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends," my father replied softly, almost to himself.

"Yeah, that's it. He saved you, Dad. He wanted you to live. He loved you," I said to him.

I felt him squeeze us and say softly, "Thank you boys, for being here and hearing that. I haven't told anyone about that except your mother, and only because she showed me that my heart could love again, when I thought I was dead inside forever."

"I'm glad she did," Rodney said, smiling at him.

Dad bent down and kissed him gently, saying, "So am I kiddo. So am I, cause I have the most wonderful wife and the three greatest children in the world because of it."

Daren didn't get it, at first, I could tell, but then he gasped and looked up at Dad who was smiling down at him. Darren gave Dad a great big hug and buried his head on his chest. Mom, Rodney and me just smiled.

I don't know how long we sat there before mom said she was going to fix dinner, and got up leaving the room and we slowly got up as well. Each of us gave Dad another hug before he shooed us out of the room. We told him we loved him, as we left.

Mom was right, it hurt so much to hear what he told us, but I felt so much closer to my dad now, and we had always been close, but this was something else entirely. I couldn't explain it, I just knew it.

Daren, Rodney and I ended up cuddling up on the bed, holding one another and not talking, just loving until mom called us for dinner. Then we got up and hit the bathroom and then food.

"If I don't hear some laughter pretty soon, it's gonna be tickle time," I heard, as my dad walked into the room. Rodney and I both screamed in terror at the thought.

Daren looked lost and I grinned, "Just scream, trust me." He did which caused all of us to laugh.

"What? You said to scream," he said, looking at everyone with innocent eyes that made us laugh even more.

We finished dinner and headed off to cuddle on the couch and watch some TV with Daren, relaxing finally. It was sometime later that the phone rang. Not that we paid it much attention, until mom came out to the living room, looking white, which definitely got our attention.

We all sat up and asked, "What's wrong?" in unison.

"I need you and Rodney to go pack your suitcases now. Pack some things for Daren as well," she said in a tight voice.

"Mom..." I started to say.

"Just do it!" she almost yelled, as we sat back in shock. Mom didn't yell.

Walking into the living room and up to mom, dad put his arms around her shoulders, squeezing her tightly, gently saying, "Honey, calm down. It's going to be alright." He led her over to the couch. I could see tears streaking down her face as they sat.

"Boys, I want you to listen carefully, very carefully," Dad said, looking at each of us in turn until we nodded our heads. I couldn't speak for the others, but I felt kinda sick and knew it was cause I was suddenly scared to death. "First of all, Daren, you are going to be safe and you are never going back to your mother's custody, I promise you that. Do you understand?" he asked.

"Yes, sir," Daren replied in a small voice.

I pulled him tightly to me and held on as dad said, "There's no easy way to say this, but I want you to remember what I said before, we won't let you go, Daren. Your mother seems to have some pull, and she is being released. Her attorney is getting a court order to return you to her custody."

I could feel Daren begin to shake with each word after 'pull', and it had only gotten worse until Dad finished speaking. 

With dad's last words, Daren gasped, "No, please no."

"Daren, you will not be going back," Dad and mom said together. 

I sternly said, "I ain't gonna let nothing happen to you"

"Listen to me carefully. This is important. Your mom is going to take you away from here, all of you. I have a friend with a motor home, and you are all getting out of town, right now. We have a few hours yet, before anything becomes official, but you have to get going and get going fast," dad told us.

Fighting back tears, I asked, "What about you?"

"Oh baby, don't you worry about me. I'm staying right here to fight this and bring you all home," he told me.

"Daddy..." I said, and could see Rodney was already crying.

"Go on baby, go on," he said, and I got up and ran out of the room feeling my own tears starting.

How could anyone give him back to that woman after what she had done to him? I just didn't understand it. I started packing and was soon joined by Daren, and together we got through it. I heard the doorbell ring while we were packing. Both of us froze in fear until mom came into the room saying everything was going to be alright, that it was just a friend.

We finished and dragged our suitcases out of the room into the living room where we found Mr. Carson sitting on the sofa. He was a friend of mom and dad's, and I finally relaxed.

Dad came back into the room and said it was time for us to go and the tears started again on all of us.

I hugged him tightly and didn't want to let go, but he finally pulled my arms apart and said, "Son, you have to go now," in a gentle and loving voice that broke my heart. I realized this was as hard on him as it was on us.

Rodney fared no better, and we were all crying as Daren took his turn hugging him tightly and saying, "Thank you, I love you," in a broken voice.

"Never again, baby boy, never again and I love you too, don't you forget that," Dad told him. 

Daren pulled back and smiled up at him saying, "I won't."

"Good, now get," Dad said, trying to be brave for us, but I could see the tears slowly starting, showing that he was losing the battle.

Mom came over, hugged him, gave him a kiss, and then said, "I love you, you don't forget that either."

"I won't," Dad replied in the same voice Daren had just done. Mom, with one last look at Dad, told the three of us, "Come on, guys," and pulled us out of the room towards the garage.

At the doorway to the kitchen, I looked back feeling more scared than I had ever felt before. Feeling like my safe world had just came to an end, I called back, "I love you, dad. See you soon, okay?" 

Dad bravely smiled at me, clearly proclaiming, "I love you too."

The next little while was confusing. We were taken downtown and dropped off, and then took a taxi to the bus terminal in the Mission district. We went inside and mom bought tickets to Portland, Oregon, putting them on her credit card and then dragged us back outside again where we took a taxi down to a little restaurant at 24th and Taraval, where we got drinks still lugging our suitcases around like tourists and generally getting a lot of looks from people.

I asked mom what we were doing, but she said she'd explain later. That was all I could get out of her. Then we got in a taxi and headed for the airport. I was even more confused this time, cause dad had said we were going in a motor home. When we arrived at the airport, Mom got out of the taxi, and then went inside. A few minutes later, she came back to the taxi, got inside, with tickets held in her hands, saying, "The plane doesn't leave for five hours, so let's go have some fun. Driver, take us down to Ghirardelli Square. You guys can have some real chocolate."

Okay, this was getting weirder and weirder; we've visited there a hundred times. She knew we loved their chocolate, just like she loved the glass figurines at the Glass Factory, but she was acting like we'd never been there before. We got out of the taxi when we finally got there, and I was surprised when she headed back towards the city and not the Square. We walked in silence for some time before she ducked into an alley. We followed only to find a car there with real dark tinted windows.

It wasn't ours.

Reaching down to the left front tire and pulling a set of keys off it, she unlocked the doors, saying, "Get in."

We got in and sat down in the back. She ordered, "Keep down back there, and if we stop anywhere, fall on each other like your asleep, but make it so no one can see your faces."

"Okay," we all said. She shocked us by pulling a black wig out of the bag she had with her since we left the house, and putting it on her head.

She then pulled some make-up out and began putting a bunch on. By the time she was done, she didn't look like mom at all; even putting something in her mouth that made her cheeks look fat.

"How do I look?" she asked.

We just looked at each other before Rodney said, "You look weird."

"Good. Do I look like mom to you?"

"Uh... no," Rodney answered.

"That's the point," she said with a smile, and off we went.

She drove out of town and turned, just past the Oakland Bay Bridge. She slowed near a large motor home sitting in the back of a supermarket parking lot. The thing was parked backwards, so the door was facing the street instead of the store. Mom pulled up so the back end of the car was even with the end of the motor home. She told us to wait until she called before coming, and then to come quick when she called.

We watched as she got out of the car with her suitcase and the big bag and walked over to the motor home. This time, reaching down under the step where she pulled another set of keys out, which she used to open the door.

"Come on," she mouthed and motioned to us as we all got out and ran for the motor home. She got us inside, ordering, "All of you strip naked, right now," leaving us shocked. "Do it, we don't have much time," she said after noticing us standing there with our mouths hanging open. Climbing in, she shut and locked the door. Going over to the table, she dumped the bag's contents on the table. We quickly began taking our clothes off.

She grabbed several boxes off of the table, saying, "All of them, and let's go," heading off towards the back. We followed her and went into what turned out to be the bathroom of the motor home. She turned on the shower. She took Rodney by the arm and said, "You're first," sticking his head under the water only long enough to wet it thoroughly before grabbing me and then Daren repeating the process on both of us.

She then grabbed a box and opened it, taking out what I now saw to be hair dye. She was going to dye our hair apparently, and I watched as she first did Rodney and then me with Daren last.

When she was done, she took a towel and dried us off a bit before saying, "Okay, stay back here and don't come up front for any reason until I tell you. I want you to each to get in the shower in 30 minutes and rinse your hair out, then put some more in it, okay?" she said to us.

"Alright Mom," we all answered. She nodded as she said, "Let's get out of here," and walked back up front.

Soon we could feel the motor home begin moving, and we settled down to wait. We did what mom asked, and went through the whole hair dying again. She was right, we didn't look at all like we had before, by the time we were finished.

I don't know how long we drove before mom stopped and came back to us. She nodded her approval before saying, "Okay, here's the way it's going to work. You can be anywhere except up in the driving compartment. I can place a divider up there, so no one can see inside that way. If you need me, you can yell or pick up one of those phones and it will connect you to me. Don't come up front no matter what, unless I call you, do you understand?"

We all nodded. I wondered, "Where are we going?"

"I don't know, just away from here until its safe," she replied.

"Okay," we all said.

"Did any of you bring your cell phones?" she asked

"Oh no," I replied.

"What?" she asked

"I forgot mine mom," I said, ashamed.

"Me too," Rodney added.

"Good, that way they can't track us through them," she replied. We all stared at her in shock. "Okay, then let's get this show on the road. You can get dressed if you want, or stay that way, its up to you," she told us, and went up the driver's seat.

The next couple of days were nothing except driving and more driving. We never stopped for more than a few hours so mom could rest. By the time a couple days had gone past, she had dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep.

We now knew that we were wanted everywhere. An Amber Alert had been placed on all three of us, and mom was accused of kidnapping us. If that wasn't bad enough, we found out that dad had been arrested the following morning after our departure. Our pictures were on the news constantly. They kept talking about how bad our parents were. We were getting more scared all the time.

Parents say they would do anything for their kids, but I was getting to see it actually happen. It made me feel so good, and it made Daren feel even better.

We came into a city called Des Moines, and for the first time, mom allowed us to get out and go inside briefly.

It wasn't a long stay, but it felt so good to get out of that thing for a little while even if it wasn't long enough. All too soon, we heard mom calling, "Come on, Kevin, let's go." She walked back towards the motor home. I looked at Daren briefly before taking his hand and heading back.

I guess I should tell you that I was now Kevin, and Daren was David, while Rodney had become Rhonda. The dye made his hair appear even longer than it was before, and now he was a girl, which we kept kidding him about, non-stop. No one was looking for 2 boys and a girl with reddish hair.

We got in and were off once again. Daren snuggled up to me and I placed my arm around him, bringing him to rest against to me.

It seems that we haven't stopped, haven't taken a break, nothing, just driving, just, driving.

My name's Kalen and I'm eleven years old. This is my story; my story and my family's, but most importantly, it's Daren's, my boyfriend.

It all started a little over a year ago, when one morning I was dropped off at school early. Now, a little over a year later we were running for our lives, but most importantly for Daren's life.

---

Bridge, CSSF Iowa, in port at Ft. Lauderdale, FL:

Meanwhile, over two thousand miles from where they had started, give or take a few thousand, a light and buzzer started going off on the bridge of the flagship of the Clan Short Fleet.

"Aw shit! What now?" a boy of approximately twelve years of age with blond, almost white, hair and ice blue eyes said to no one in particular. He got up and quickly walked over to the communication console where the offending light and sound was coming from.

"Clan Short Headquarters, Gabriel Michaels speaking," he stated.

"Gabriel, it is good to speak with you again, I just wish it was under better circumstances," the mysterious voice said.

"What now, or do I want to know?" Gabe asked, obviously resigned to knowing that this particular person would not be calling unless there was a great need.

"You should be aware of a situation in the San Francisco area involving three children," the voice began.

"You mean that mother that supposedly kidnapped those kids we saw on the news?" Travis said, coming up alongside Gabe.

"Yes, that is the case I am talking about; only it is not what it seems," the voice said.

Gabe looked at Travis and then back at the blank screen before saying, "Explain."

"The father is a family court judge and the mother is a pediatrician. There is much more to this story than what has made it into the news. These children are in need of help, as is the family, and I think you would be best suited to provide it."

Gabe and Travis once again exchanged glances before Gabe said, "Okay, we'll investigate and do whatever we can to assist."

"Thank you, I knew I could count on you. I will transmit what I have at this time, and will update you as more information becomes available. Gabe, they are trying to save a child, but have run up against more than they bargained for. Please help them," the voice said quietly.

"We will," Gabe replied as the line went dead and he looked at his partner, adding "Here we go again." 

<<<<>>>>

The story arc of ANL-MWC continues on in Memories Part Three, Chapter 19. The story was intended to be brought to this point before blending with the main storyline, with the characters becoming an integral part of the Clan command team. Memories 3 Chapter 19 picks up right where this chapter left off, so you will see the resolution of the final scenes.