I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, was the cleaned-up mess from the broken vase and a nurse bringing in some lunch. I just looked at the tray then pushed it aside. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want anything, I felt betrayed and numb, I knew WHY I had to be castrated but still my parents making that decision without talking to ME about it. I don't think so, that was unfair, no one asked what I thought or how I felt, that just isn't right.
The doctor came in a little while later and saw I didn't eat anything. He checked me over then sat in a chair by my bed.
"Aaron I know you are upset, but throwing a vase and not eating and saying you hate people isn't going to help you. You have to talk and let us know how you feel, right now your hormone levels are falling, and I know that has to be hurting you." what does he know he isn't castrated is he? "Maybe I don't know directly how you feel and I am SO SORRY that this had to happen but we told you if not you could have died" at least I would have had all of my parts if that happened I thought.
"Maybe you don't want to hear this but your parents love you and are upset at the outbreak that you had. We have talked and you are going to be seeing a psychiatrist in the next week to talk about your problems and what has happened." fuck you I don't think so. "Aaron please talk to me and tell me what you are thinking or how you feel please," he said with a pleading tone. I just looked at him gave him the bird and said.
"Fuck You" then turned my head away. I will NEVER forgive them for what they did to me. He just sighed got up and walked out. A nurse came in with my release papers then walked out. I got up carefully because I was still hurting and got dressed. My parents and a nurse came in with a wheelchair and I looked at it. I just shook my head and started walking towards the door. The nurse stopped me.
"Sorry but this is how things work. You sit and I push got it," she said in a friendly tone. I looked at her smiled shot the bird then walked out, slowly but I was soon walking a little better than before. The doctor saw me smiled and stopped me.
"Why aren't you in the wheelchair? It is hospital policy, you must be wheeled down," he said. I just gave him a dead stair then walked past him. He grabbed my shoulder and tried to pull me to the chair, I whirled around and grabbed his hand and bent it backward.
"DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN," I yelled. I released his hands looked hatred to my parents and walked away. I heard another doctor ask the other one what happened but I didn't hear the response I keep walking. I heard someone running up behind me and they put there hand on my shoulder.
"Young man that is not acceptable you WILL apologize to the doctor and go in the wheelchair do you understand?" the guy that is the shrink said to me. I just turned looked at him, with all of the hate I could and simply said
"FUCK YOU, don't you DARE tell me what to do. I HATE YOU, MY PARENTS and THAT FUCKING DOCTOR" I said. I shrugged his hand off and got on the elevator as the doors opened. I closed them and headed downstairs. The doors opened and I walked outside and waited on my parents. About 5 minutes later they came down.
"Son that wasn't really nice you know. We know you are hurting but being that mean isn't fair" said my dad. I just looked at him and walked away. I saw where the car was and walked to it. When I got there I turned around and saw my parents coming this way talking. The finally got there and we headed home. It was a quiet drive.
When we got home and went in mom asked me if I wanted anything to eat I just ignored her and went upstairs to my room. I was tired and sore and I wanted to rest. I was so mad it wasn't even funny. I heard a soft knock on my door then it opened, it was my dad. He came in and I turned away from him, I wasn't about to start talking to him now. He sat quietly for a few minutes.
"Son we are sorry. We don't know what to do, but please don't be mean or hateful to us, we did what we had to do, I know you are hurting but son we wanted you to live," he said, I could hear the sorrow in his voice, I heard the bedroom door open again.
"You don't know what I am feeling, or what I am thinking. You two are barely there anyway, I would have preferred to die than to have my balls cut off, so don't you DARE tell me you know how I feel, now GET OUT." I said. My dad got up and I heard him and my mom who was crying leave my room. I fell asleep.
I awoke about 2 in the morning and was in pain and was hungry. I grabbed my bottles of pills, took one then went to the kitchen, no one was up, if they were I would have just gone back to bed. I fixed a sandwich grabbed a glass of water and sat down. I started eating, after I ate I took my pill. I wrenched out my plate and turned around and saw my dad there smiling at me.
"Finally got hungry uh?" he asked, I just looked at him then walked past him to my room without saying a word. I think I hurt him, good I am hurt too. I went to my room crawled under my covers and went to sleep.
The next morning I awoke around noon, I guess the pills really put me out. I went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth instead of a shower took a bath, and was careful around my empty scrotal sack, I just looked down and silently cried. After about 10 minutes I finally bathed got out and dried off. I walked to my room, pulled on a pair of boxers, and went downstairs. My mom was in the kitchen drinking coffee and reading the paper. She looked up when I came in and smiled.
"Good morning did you sleep well? Do you want something to eat?" she asked, I just ignored her and fixed me a bowl of cereal. She looked at me but didn't say anything. About an hour later, while I was back in my room, there was a knock on the door. "Honey you have a doctor's appointment in an hour. You need to get ready." then she walked off. I just sighed and said fuck it.
OK, I thought so I got up and got dressed. I went downstairs when my mom said it was time to go. It was a quiet ride and I stared out the window the entire time ignoring my mom as she tried to talk and joke, she finally gave up. We arrived about 20 minutes later. We walked in and went up to the 3rd floor. When we got off of the elevator I sat down and my mom went and told the receptionist that I was there. She came and sat beside me and put her hand on my arm, I pulled my arm away and went and sat on the other side of the room. She looked hurt but I didn't care, I am tired of them trying to make me feel better. A few minutes later the door opened and Dr. Prescot came out.
"Hi, and how are you two doing today?" he asked, I just turned my head away. My mom answered and said 'fine'. "Why don't I talk to your mom alone, for a few minutes ok?" he asked. I just shrugged my shoulder and keep turned away from him. They walked into his office, and shut the door, I just continued staring out of the window. About 15 minutes later the door opened my mom came out and I was called in. I walked in sat in a chair and turned away from the doc.
"Well I just spent the last few minutes talking to your mom and she told me all about what happened after you got home. Why don't you tell me about it," he said. I just continued staring away from him. A few minutes later he talked again. "Ok, I see you don't want to talk well I will. As we have said before we are sorry that this has happened to you, and no I don't know how you feel, I wish I could make you feel better, but only you can do that. You need to open up and tell us how you feel, so we can help you, Aaron. I do want to help, I know you are depressed that is VERY obvious, but in order to help you I need to know what is going on in that head of yours." he said. I knew I would NOT talk to him at all. I think something like 30 minutes past with us just sitting there him talking occupancy and me ignoring him and looking away, finally, he said time was up.
"I hope next week you will talk," he said getting up and putting his hand out for me to shake, I looked at it and turned around and headed for the door, I opened it but before I walked out I turned around and said just two words.
"Fuck You" yeah those two words. I walked out, shut the door, and headed outside. My mom followed me. We headed home in quietness. When we got there I headed to my room and she headed to the kitchen.
I felt between my legs and felt my dick and where my balls used to be I hate this. I can't jack off, I can't even really get hard, I can't let no one see me like this, I'm scared, I don't know what to do. I didn't think about kids because I am gay, I have known I was gay since I was 11, but still one day I may want them. I just started crying.