How I Live Now

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Day 47 - Thursday

 

When I woke up this morning, I felt terrible. Three was this bitter aftertaste in my mouth. Those harsh words I shouted at Matias yesterday came back to linger. Plus, it must have been the lack of sleep. The night was spent with countless hours of tossing and turning, which didn't create a great impression in work. People noticed me moping around. Perhaps I was miserable, and that's why I chose to head over to Matias's after my shift. Amy let me tag along with her without asking too many questions. She seemed happy to have the company, and I got the impression that she wanted me to be around. If I were a girl, she'd have happily gone shopping for clothes, handbags, and shoes. We'd have a good girlie weekend.

She knows about Matias and me. Even though Matias has been somewhat reluctant to share the details, something tells me that Amy grasps we are a couple. Or maybe seeing each other at the very least.

When she asked us at the dinner table a while ago, I didn't know what to say, and I still didn't know what to make of it all. Nothing has really happened between us.

You just have Matias's kiss, and that's all the evidence there is on the matter.

 

I felt terrible about what I did, so I wanted to apologize. Plus, I didn't want to leave the planning of this home robbery until the last minute. It didn't seem like the time to brood and sit in the shadows feeling sorry for myself. Our asses were on the line, so it needed to be done.

I don't want to piss Salvatore off.

To pull this heist off successfully, we need to communicate efficiently, even if it means swallowing my pride.

When I got to Matias's apartment, Amy let me inside. She went to get changed out of her work clothes, and I waited on the sofa in the living room for the boys to get home from school. That's if Matias actually went to school today.

 

While I hung around, I began rehearsing my apology, and that's when Amy returned and caught me. She stood in the door frame for the hallway with a smirk on her face. Noticing her, I felt exposed, and immediately I wanted to crawl up into a ball and die from embarrassment. Everybody knows once you start talking to yourself… you're only a few paces away from a loony bin.

“Sorry…” I murmured.

Amy sauntered inside, headed to the kitchen.

“You two having a spat?” Amy asked.

“W-ha– Who?” I added, feeling unsure.

My brain, now unexpectedly an uninhabited wasteland without any moral understanding of the English language.

"Matias and yourself…." Amy continued.

Shifting awkwardly on the sofa, I peered at my shoes.

“Oh…” I added.

"It's okay…." Amy said. "Boys can be jerks sometimes, but Matias he can be…."

“Difficult?” I heard myself say.

Amy chuckled.

"Hudson is difficult. Matias is… you'd never actually know there was something wrong. He's more secretive than he used to be."

Secretive? Amy suspected Matias was up to no good. I had better choose my words wisely. Anything I could have said would alert Amy to more unprovoked questions.

“Secretive?” I asked.

"Yeah… when he was younger–not a problem in the world. Now… I'm always trying to find reasons to talk with him, and it's like he doesn't want to talk anymore."

Amy gave a half-hearted smile. She had waited for her coffee machine to finish its warming cycle.

"I sorta understand…." I added.

“Want some coffee?” Amy asked.

I shook my head, remembering the foul-tasting shit I had the other day. Amy didn't think anything of it. She poured herself a cup, returned the pot to the receiver, and waddled over to me.

"I… em-I sorta had a fight," I added.

Amy nodded her head understandingly.

"So… you two are dating,” Amy cautiously suggested.

I nodded.

"YESSSSSS…" Amy murmured under her breath.

I looked up questionably, wondering what her statement meant. Though Amy placed her hand on my shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze.

"My husband owes me $20," Amy said.

“Oh right…” I added, feeling confused.

"My husband didn't think you two were dating, and he bet on it."

I smirked. It seemed absurdly amusing. Yet, at the same time, I felt oddly flattered.

“So… do you mind if I ask… what are you fighting about?” Amy asked.

I peered down at my shoes again.

“Ow… I kinda shouted at him yesterday. I’m sorry,” I added.

Amy took a mouthful from her cup and swallowed. I also chose not to tell her about the circumstances that led to the argument. Hudson surely saw Salvatore's car.

What made him stay quiet?

“Did he walk away?” Amy asked.

“Yeh… he does that a lot,” I said.

I began to pick at the cuticles on my right hand.

“He does that when he’s nervous,” Amy said.

Yeah…” I mumbled.

“Can I give you a little bit of advice,” Amy added.

I nodded, and she took a breath.

"Matias doesn't do well with confrontation. And he's a bit stubborn when he's temperamental. The best way to disarm him, if you really care, is to hug him straight of the bat. He expects people to continue being moody or disagreeable, and the last thing somebody expects when you are annoyed at someone is a hug. Then get to the root of the real problem. Oddly just works… trust me."

As she finished the little sentiment, the front door opened, and heavy footsteps plodded up the hallway. Hudson rushed by the living room door with his backpack on and straight into the toilet. Amy chuckled. We heard the hall door shut and some lighter footsteps.

“Awww…." Hudson moaned from the bathroom.

"Jesus man… close the door…." Matias added as he approached the living room.

The bathroom door got pushed out, and the foyer went dark. I regarded Matias standing under the doorjamb. He observed me. Unhitching his school bag, he dropped it by the sofa, making his way to me. Amy tapped me on the knee, sprang up from the couch and headed out the door, and started talking to Hudson through the bathroom door.

Raising off the sofa, his eyes meet with mine. My chest felt like a watermelon with a million elastics wrapped around it. It was tight, and I felt like I was going to explode. My mouth is dry, and I'm nervous, but I take a tentative step forward. Without thinking and remembering Amy's teachings, I held out my arms and waited for his approval. He didn't resist so, I brought my arms in for a hug. It felt good to hug him, and it was a pleasant surprise when his arms enveloped me tightly. I actually did feel sorry. It was a bad thing to say. I shouldn't have said it. Things are bad enough without us fighting. We need to stay positive for each other.

Leaning back, I took the first step, being the braver person.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have said that yesterday. It was horrible to say," I added.

I'm not sure why, but it looked like Matias was holding back some of that joy he felt. His eyes got all starry and maybe a bit wet. Yet, he didn't let his family see what transpired. He was mentally strong… like he always wanted people to assume.

"I'm sorry too… for getting you…." Matias said but trailed off.

Matias pivoted over his shoulder to see if his mother or little brother was about. When he was satisfied nobody was listing, he leaned in and whispered.

“Involved in everything with Salvatore. What you said last night… I guess… is true. You were right. There is no last job with Salvatore.”

It felt sad to hear those words coming from him because it was true. He finally realized what I was trying to tell him.

“I’m going to stop. When we are finished with this job… I’ll stop,” Matias whispered.

“Stop what?” Hudson asked as he made his way into the living room.

Hudson marched over to the couch, dove onto the sofa, and flicked on the TV.

“I’ll stop being nice to you… bring on corporal punishment,” Matias teased.

The idea assumed me for a second. Hudson stared at us dumbfoundedly.

“Yeah… whatever you say… gay boy,” Hudson says.

He sits up, concerned… "But not you… you're alright. My brother, not much."

The two of us grinned, and Matias decided to lead me to his bedroom. It's the first time I have seen his bedroom. The apartment is a two-bedroom condo. So, Matias shares a bedroom with Hudson. Just as we were entering the bedroom, Amy left with the clothes hamper. I grinned as Matias led me along by the wrist. Amy smirked at me knowingly. Her little plan worked. Matias went to shut the door, but that's where Amy drew the line.

“Yeah… that’s where I draw the line. You boys keep that door open. No funny business,” Amy said.

"MOM…" Matias scowled.

Amy backed away. Though it led me into a fit of giggles, and when Matias turned around, his cheeks were pink from humiliation. There is nothing cuter than a boy getting embarrassed.

I'm pretty sure I zoned out.

Taking a seat on the bed, I backed up, misjudged the distance to the mattress, and fell to the floor. Now it was my turn to grow sheepish.

It was my fault.

Just looking at Matias is enough to render me dumb.

After my slight stumble, Matias helped me up. Now we were incredibly close. His big XXXX eyes were so captivating. I felt drawn to them, and I being powerless to resist, they took me away. His eyes stared back provocatively, almost daring me to make a move. Just as I told myself to make a move, Matias surprised me by kissing me on the lips. My mind went absolutely blank, and as if trying to keep up with it were a chance, I attempted to kiss back. It's like sprinting after the roadrunner but then realize you can't run. Yet, my inexperience didn't seem to deter Matias. He seemed to know how to kiss, and I wasn't brave enough to ask how he learned. Or maybe it was his first kiss, and he was totally shit.

I don't know what the standards are for exchanging salvia.

It hurt when he broke the kiss, and I kept thinking, 'why did it have to end so quickly?' I wanted more of his lips and maybe a bit of his tongue.

Not in a Hannibal Lecter way… strictly kissing and salvia swapping.

Once our little heated affair ended, I broke the news about the plans. Matias looked concerned. He kept asking if Tiny did anything to hurt me–which was no. I told him many times, and eventually, he accepted my explanation.

I got my workbag from the living room and brought it to the bedroom. Hudson was sitting at the kitchen table doing his homework, asking Alexia to solve his math problems using Amazon's Echo. That kid has life figured. He makes me think of a seal lounging on a rock on a hot day. He’s flat-out and not a care to give.

Taking out the documents, I passed some of the sheets to Matias. I glanced at a picture of an aerial view of the house taken from google maps. The house looked big. Not overly huge, but big enough to know that the person who owned it had money.

'Fucking rich people,' I thought.

There was a large wall surrounding the house, so we’d need to scale it in order to gain access.

"Maybe we should check it out in person…." I proposed.

Matias nodded, handing me some sheets with the occupant's projected schedules.

“I don’t want to rely on just that information. I want to get a feel for it myself,” Matias added.

Peering down at the sheet he gave me, I read over the data.

"It's a family home…." I murmured.

“Yeah… kids, wife… the whole shebang,” Matias muttered back.

"Says here that the kids leave early, and the house seems empty between 8:30 AM and 11AM," I added.

“School…?” Matias said.

“You want to do robbery in broad daylight?” I ask.

"Well, they'd all be home at night…." Matias said.

"Oh-yeah… I didn't think of that…." I added.

“But the weekend is coming up…” Matias said.

"So, no school…." I muttered, sitting back on the bed.

This was beginning to get more difficult for us. I'll admit that looking at those plans was making me feel desperate. Salvatore wanted it done by the weekend, and that made it difficult.

“Do you think we could convince Salvatore to lets us do it on Monday?” I added.

"I wouldn't even dream it…." Matias said.

Scanning over the page again, I noticed an anomaly.

"Look… between 10-11 AM, the whole family is usually out of the house," I said.

Matias holds up another piece of paper.

“Yeah, but the gardener works on Saturday,” Matias added.

"The gardener won't be inside the house…." I replied meekly.

Matias grinned, looked me deep in the eye as if to say, you just read my mind.

“Okay… How about we go snooping to-da….” Matias began.

Amy barged into the room without warning, and Matias shoved the few documents on his lap under his pillow on the bed. It looked so shady, but at the time, I probably would have done the same thing. I covered the sheet in my hand and tried not to make it evident that I was hiding it.

“What’s that???” Amy asked while glancing at us skeptically.

“It's…” I began.

“Porn… Gay Porn…” Matias shot out.

The second I heard him drop that bomb, I’m pretty sure I felt my stomach drop with it.

“Eh… Oh… Okay…” Amy muttered.

Amy started to back away slowly.

"I'll just leave you to it… Get rid of that before Hudson comes down…." Amy said.

“It's alright… We are gonna go outside for a bit,” Matias added.

“Oh… Okay…” Amy said.

“Yeah,” Matias murmured.

“Where are you thinking of going?” Amy asked.

"To the court… just around, you know?" Matias said.

“Take Hudson with you. He’s almost finished his assignments. He spends too much time on the computer.

Matias got crabby very quickly. His body language changed, and he signed a lot.

“Ah-but…” Matias said.

"Ah-but nothing… take your brother with you. I didn't get crabby about that stuff you were just looking at…." Amy said.

“FINE….” Matias whined.

Matias didn't offer much resistance. It probably made some sense to not make a big scene out of it.

Returning the files to my backpack, we went out for a walk. Our plans were somewhat stifled since Hudson was forced to come along. So, we didn't go to the house to check it out. We went down to the courtyard, hung around for a little bit, and just talked. We found this tattered soccer ball in the plaza and kicked it around for a bit. Though eventually, we moved on.

Hudson is pretty funny.

The longer I know him, the more I start to like the insulting match between Hudson and Matias.

After a bit, Hudson began to jump on us as we walked around. The dudes' heavy for such a small kid. There was one point when he launched himself up in the air, and he grabbed hold of my shoulder and his brothers' neck. It was funny; the little guy was dangling in mid-air between the both of us.

Once the sun went down, we headed back up the apartment. Amy insisted I stay for dinner, so I obliged. The meal was really lovely. I'm starting to like Amy's cooking. It's nice for a change. Mom’s cooking was okay… not the best in the world, but she tried. Amy’s food is really homely. You can keep loading the plate until you practically burst.

But yeah… that's my day. I didn't get to do everything I wanted, but Matias and me are talking again. I'm happy about that… and plus, I got to kiss him. I think we are meeting up tomorrow to discuss this home invasion thing.

I'm not sure.

I'll need to talk with him tomorrow.

For now, I going to get some shut-eye. So, that's about all I have to share.

 

Talk soon,

Kyle

 

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