Open Hearts

 

 Open Hearts Part 18:

 

August 31^st

I took a moment during all the chaos to survey my surroundings. Jackie was screeching his heart out as the tears streamed down his face. Jordan on the other hand, was just staring at me with a look of pure guilt. Despite his guilty expression, I know he’s going to try and defend himself. There’s no point in playing the “he started it!” game with either of them. I decided to ignore Jordan for now and attend to the Jackie, the more pressing matter obviously.

I rushed over to the boy who was now curled into a ball as he gripped the back of his head. Head injury, that’s not good. I looked for blood but couldn’t see any on the floor or on his hands. He’s still screaming, so I better try and calm him down.

“Jackie, calm down buddy, it’s okay.” That line went as well as expected with the hysterical six-year-old. Instead of calming down, he just screamed louder to drown out my words.

Think Keaton, think. What would you want if you were in pain and crying? I’d probably like to be held, I guess.

I listened to the little voice in my head and picked up the young boy. With him in my arms, I walked over to the couch where I could sit down and hold him close. He took the opportunity to cry into my shirt instead of just wailing like a banshee; so, I guess that can be considered progress. Jordan simply rolled his eyes and left the two of us on the couch. I guess he didn’t want to be held responsible or maybe he thought his brother was just faking his pain. Sure, children can exaggerate pain for attention, they do it all the time in fact. But regardless, I’m not going to assume that he’s faking it and risk losing his trust.

“Shhh… it’s okay Jackie. Tell me what hurts.” I asked softly. All the while, I was stroking his back and gently rocking him like a baby.

“My h-head.” He stammered through the sobbing.

“Let me see.”

I gently felt around the boy’s head in search of a lump or maybe a soft whimper from him, letting me know I hit a bruise. He gave no indication of pain in one particular spot. It looks like he was probably just exaggerating, but I still had to be sure.

I held the boy until his crying turned into just some minor sniffling.

“You’re going to be okay champ. Now just sit here while I go talk to your brother.” I gave him a light pat on the back as I trotted upstairs to see Jordan, who was nonchalantly watching videos in my room.

“Jordan, you need to apologize to your brother.” I said in the most authoritative voice I could muster.

“What? Why? He started it. He was trying to hit me!” He fired back.

“Your brother is six. You’re eleven. You can’t go tossing him around like a ragdoll just because he tried to hit you.”

Jordan didn’t seem the least bit remorseful and it was starting to make me angry. Luckily, before any other words could be said, he offered a solution.

“I’ll say sorry if he does too.”

This is going better than I thought. No kid was seriously hurt, they’re going to apologize, crisis averted.

I followed him down the stairs and moderated their exchanges of apologies. Jackie was being stubborn at first, but I convinced him to give in and say sorry too. I’m getting pretty good at this parenting stuff. Now that that’s taken care of, time to make the boys some lunch.

I kept it simple, grilled cheese sandwiches for Jackie, and grilled cheese and ham for Jordan and me. The boys gathered around the table, opened the bag of Cheetos, and dug in. What a perfect opportunity to bond with the boys.

“So, Jordan, how is everything back home?” Small talk isn’t my strong suit, but it’s all I got.

“Good I guess.” He mumbled in between bites of his sandwich.

“Jordan’s got a girlfriend!” Jackie mockingly announced.

“Sh-shut up idiot!” he fired back.

Jordan’s face was flushed with embarrassment, so I assume Jackie is telling the truth. A girlfriend at 11 years old, not bad Jordan.

“Is that so, what’s your girlfriend’s name Jordan?”

Jordan was still red as a beet and looked physically uncomfortable.

“She’s not my girlfriend. We just hangout sometimes.” He muttered.

“Oh, I see. Well that’s cool-“ Before I could continue, Jackie butted in with another unexpected announcement.

“Why does Bernie hug you like daddy does mommy?”

I almost choked on my sandwich when he asked that.

“Huh? What do you mean Jackie?” I wasn’t trying to play dumb, I had no clue what Jackie was talking about.

“When I woke up last night, I saw Bernie hugging you in bed. It’s the same way daddy hugs mommy.” Jackie casually replied.

I guess he must of saw us cuddling before he woke us up. Damn, I wasn’t ready for that kind of question. I could play this one off easily. All I would have to say is Bjorn does that in his sleep and that it means nothing. He’s six, he wouldn’t question the simple logic there. Although, my mom made a good point yesterday when she talked about me being a role model for them. I guess now is the best chance to start.

I looked over at Jordan, who was staring at me with a shocked expression and eager eyes. Jackie, on the other hand, was patiently waiting for me to satisfy his curiosity. Here we go.

“Well, Bernie holds me like that because… because Bernie really likes me.” I stated plainly while avoiding eye contact.

“Oh, Does Bernie like you like mommy likes Daddy?”

“Yes, just like that.” I was getting redder by the second as I fielded his questions.

Jordan looked to be as embarrassed as I was. He didn’t ask any questions, he just sat there and stared at his food silently. Jackie giggled and continued to pry further.

“Do you like Bernie too?” He asked with a big smile on his face.

This was the only point in this conversation where I couldn’t help but smile. There was no way I could answer this question and not be happy.

“Yes, I like Bernie a lot.” I stated proudly.

 “So, you’re gay? Jordan asked as he broke his silence.

This was a harder one for me to field. Something about saying yes, it didn’t feel right. I’ve spent my entire life conditioning myself to hide any notion of homosexuality. Telling my parents was one thing, allowing people to see it first hand was even harder. But by far, the hardest thing so far will be directly admitting it to my cousin. My brain screamed at me to say no. Never admit you’re gay; especially to someone you know and want to respect you.

But that was the old me. All those fears, defenses, and concerns were pointless now. The new Keaton will follow his dad’s advice, and be proud of who he is.

“Yes Jordan. I’m gay, and so is Bjorn.” I threw it out there like chum in the water. There’s no point in dancing around the subject.

Jordan blushed slightly before returning his gaze to the table in front of him.

“Oh, cool, I guess.” Jordan said quietly.

Jackie seemed to be confused about our exchange.

“What’s that?” He piped up with a curious look on his face.

“It means… It means he likes dudes.” Jordan said with confidence to try and prove his intellect to his younger brother.

I wanted to correct him, but he wasn’t wrong. I did like guys, there was no better way to put it; I just hope Jackie doesn’t pry too much. The boy still looks confused, probably because we used the word “like” instead of love. I doubt he’s capable of understanding what love means, so I’ll just have to keep it simple for him.

“Me and Bernie really like each other Jackie, does that bother you?”

The young boy shook his head no.

“Cool, now let’s finish eating and then we’ll play some games. When Bernie gets here, we can all go swimming.” I said as I took my plate to the sink.

Jackie had already forgotten the whole conversation since I mentioned swimming again. Jordan still looked uncomfortable about it, I’ll have to talk to him later.

My mom walked in the front door about an hour later. I moved my PlayStation down stairs so there was more room for us to play. She came in with hands full of groceries and we became the lucky group of boys who got to carry the rest in. As the last bag touched the counter-top, I began scavenging for the bag that contained my morning fuel. Finally, I found the coffee.

I quickly made a pot while my mom conscripted the boys to help her put everything away. Soon, I was kicking back on the sofa with a hot cup of love in my hands. Time flew by as we watched various cartoon shows on cartoon network. The cartoons are terrible nowadays, when I was younger I would go to the older channels and watch cartoons that my dad watched growing up. I liked Tom and Jerry a lot more than the potty humor they push today. But it made Jackie happy, so there was no way we were changing the channel.

Around 3:00 pm, Bjorn finally came over. I was surprised to open the door and see him there with a small cardboard drink holder that had four drinks in it. He stopped by that diner we had our date out and got me, him, and the boys some milkshakes. I gave him a quick “thank you” kiss on the cheek and invited him in.

“Alright guys, I didn’t know what you like, so I tried to guess. I got an Oreo milkshake for Jordan, and a double chocolate fudge shake for Jackie.” Bjorn announced proudly as he handed out the shakes.

Neither one of the boys argued against his choices and both quickly started sucking down the shakes. I shot Bjorn a quick glance after he said, “double chocolate fudge”. Even my mom looked over at me and rolled her eyes. We’re going to have to wear Jackie out today if we want him to sleep.

Halfway through our shakes, I told the boys to change into their bathing suits when they’re ready. Bjorn followed me upstairs so that we could change as well. I grabbed two of my bathing suits and pulled Bjorn into the bathroom, so we could have some privacy.

“You won’t believe what Jackie asked me today. He wanted to know why we were spooning last night.”

Bjorn started giggling as he stripped.

“I think his exact words were, why does Bernie hold you like daddy does mommy?”

Bjorn was now almost falling over himself with laughter.

“And what did you say?” He asked in-between his sporadic chuckling.

“I told him that you did it because you really liked me. That, of course, made Jordan ask the big question; so, I told them we were gay.”

 “Us? Gay? Nooo.” He said mockingly while ogling my body.

We finished changing into our suits and jogged back downstairs. I was as eager to swim as Jackie. The last time I got to swim in this pool, well, that turned out pretty cool now that I think about it.

We rounded up the brothers and went out the sliding glass door to our screened-in swimming pool. Now it was just a matter of who was going to jump in first. Jackie, being the overly confident ankle biter that he is, decided to try and surprise Bjorn. He ran full speed into Bjorn’s back and threw all his weight at him. He was less than successful. Bjorn quickly turned around and picked up the squirrely boy, then tossed him into the pool with ease. There was a loud smack as he hit the water, I was afraid at first, that he might of belly flopped too hard and got hurt. However, Jackie quickly swam up to the surface with a huge grin. Now it was my turn to act, I could try and push Bjorn in, or I could go for-

Before I could make my decision, I felt a set of arms wrap around my waist from behind and then the force of someone driving me towards the water. Jordan got the upper hand by surprising and now I don’t have the leverage to stop myself. I leapt near the edge and splashed down in the water near Jackie, who was laughing wildly. With only two contenders left, it became a severely one-sided affair. Jordan didn’t even have time to defend himself before Bjorn got ahold of him. He swung the 11-year-old over his shoulder and leapt into the water. Now that the four of us were in water, the real competition began.

We spent the next hour roughhousing, obviously. Trying to dunk each other, tossing each other around and splashing so wildly that my mom had to come outside and inform us that “water is supposed to stay IN the pool.”

Eventually, Jordan got tired of our game and left the pool to dry off inside. Me and Bjorn decided to entertain Jackie a little bit longer until he got tired as well.

We took turn throwing the boy into the deep end. It sounds like we were being mean to him, but on the contrary, he couldn’t get enough. Every time we tossed him, he would swim back and beg us to toss him again. I hate to say it, but I think he preferred Bjorn to me. At first, I thought it was just because Bjorn could throw him higher and farther, but then I realized that little Jackie might have a crush on my boyfriend. He constantly jumped on his back, clung to his chest, begged him to throw him, and at one point during our wrestling he even tugged at Bjorn’s shorts. Bjorn was being nice and giving the boy all the attention he desired, but I was actually starting to feel jealous of my little six-year-old cousin.

Once Bjorn was finally worn out, he swam to the steps and took a seat. Desperate for some of his attention, I sat next to him and grabbed his hand underneath the water. Jackie swam over too, only he decided to try and sit on Bjorn’s lap. I took the liberty of pushing the boy off and dunking his head underwater for that one.

“Get your own boyfriend!” I jokingly called out to the boy.

Jackie made a face like he was grossed out before giggling and swimming away. I have a feeling about that boy.

Bjorn just laughed it off and squeezed my hand gently.

“He might steal me away Keats, better fight him off.” He joked.

Finally, Jackie was ready to get out of the pool. Our fingers were immensely pruned, our eyes were red, and we reeked of chlorine; but overall, I’d say we were a happy bunch. Jordan went upstairs to shower first while I showered in my parent’s bathroom. After I got out, I went to the living room in search of Bjorn. My mom said she didn’t know where he was, but he might be showering upstairs. Sure enough, I could hear the shower in my bathroom running. Jordan was in the guest bedroom changing while Jackie was patiently waiting for someone to shower with him.

“Keaton will you shower with me?” He asked sweetly.

I hadn’t thought of it before, but Jackie needed help washing himself and I’ve already showered. Jordan was showered and changing so he was no help, so now it’s up to uncle Bernie.

I ushered him into the bathroom where Bjorn was already naked and showering.

“Hey Bjorn, Jackie needs help washing his hair and I already showered, can he come in?”

He opened the door to the walk-in shower and stood before us in all his naked glory. Seeing how Jackie’s eyes were glued to his thing, I knew this wasn’t the best idea.

“Why are his privates bigger than yours Keaton?” Jackie asked suddenly.

I started to pull this boy’s shirt off and instructed him to undress.

“Uhm, well, we all come in different shapes and sizes.”

“Well that’s a big shape!” He snickered while pointing at Bjorn’s crotch.

Bjorn laughed furiously while I tried to hide my embarrassment.

“Let’s forget about Bjorn’s thing and just get you cleaned.” I ordered as he got into the shower.

I decided to stay in the bathroom with them. I didn’t think it was fair to leave Bjorn by himself with “Jackie the Curious”

Also, I don’t believe anyone would approve of Bjorn being naked and alone with Jackie. I trust him with all my heart, but that doesn’t mean everyone else does. If Jackie said something odd to a parent and it included Bjorn being naked with him, Bjorn would be in serious trouble. So, I stayed and watched the two of them. Truthfully, I watched Bjorn a lot more. I got to take the time to stare at him as he showered. There was no way I couldn’t be intrigued by him. The only thing kept me from acting on my naughty thoughts, was my six-year-old cousin. After this shower though, I’m going to need some alone time with Bjorn.

I grabbed a big white towel and wrapped it around Jackie as he stepped out. He was quite the little cutie with his wet hair and big smile. I tickled his sides through the towel and sent him into a rage of giggles. I thought to myself, how much fun being a parent could be. Then I looked up at Bjorn, who joined in on tickling the little goober. Bjorn would make a great parent too, especially with me.

 

-

 

At dinner time, my father brought up the subject of my birthday tomorrow.

“Tomorrow is the big 1-4 Keaton. I know we haven’t spoken much about it yet, but is there anything you  

I took a second to think it over. I didn’t want a party, the only people there would probably be Bjorn and my cousins. I couldn’t think of anything off the top of my head, but I glanced over at Bjorn who grinning from ear to ear.

“What?” I directed at him.

“Oh nothing, just can’t wait to give you your present.” Bjorn replied with a smirk.

I returned the smile and took another bite from my dinner. I contemplated my dad’s question for a moment before finally responding.

“Well, maybe Saturday we can all just go out to eat. Can me and Bjorn go somewhere tomorrow after school, you know, by ourselves?”

My dad looked to my mom for reassurance and then back at me with an approving smile.

“Sure, just let us know where you’re going and when you’ll be back. Also, either your mom or Sigve is going to have to drop you guys off and pick you up.”

“That’ll be fine.” I reassured him.

Bjorn left after dinner was over, so me, the boys, and my parents all took a seat around the TV in the living room and watched a movie. Halfway through the film, Jackie fell asleep on my shoulder and started to drool through my shirt. I had to put a pillow in my lap and slowly shimmy the boy’s head onto to it, so I wouldn’t be completely drenched in his saliva.

After the movie, I carried the boy upstairs and put him in a fresh set of blankets on the floor. There was still some time before bed, so I went downstairs for a late snack. My mom had bought the ingredients for hot cocoa and there are also some tubs of ice cream in the freezer. I made two mugs of cocoa and two bowls of ice cream. Me and Jordan haven’t spent much time together yet and now seems like the perfect time.

I brought Jordan the medley of sweet treats while he was kicking back on the couch. He looked surprised by my generosity, almost like he thought it was a trick. But he couldn’t resist hot cocoa and cookie dough ice cream, what kid could?

We sipped our warm beverages and took hearty bites from our ice cream while some cartoons played on the TV. For a while, we sat in relative silence. The only sounds to be heard in the living room were the occasional slurping, clinging of spoons against ceramic bowls, and the cartoon network shows that kept our attention. Surprisingly, the silence between us was broken by Jordan, not me.

“So, you like guys?” Jordan murmured.

“Yep, I do.” I replied casually. I could see the curiosity in his expression. He wanted to say something else, but he was hesitant for some reason.

“Do you have any questions about it?” I figure I can ease him into the conversation.

Jordan was a nice kid. Growing up, he always wanted to play at my house or outside in the front yard. He never came across as malicious or overly homophobic, but he was still so young it was hard to tell. But I could see that he’s been awkward around me ever since I told him I was gay. He was born and raised in the south, just like me, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he has some prejudices already. I also know that hate is taught, especially with kids; so, this is my opportunity to dispel any hate he may hold.

“No, not really. But, like, do your parents know?” He finally turned to look at me after presenting his question.

“Yeah, they do.”

“And they’re cool with it?”

“Yep, they’re really cool with it.” I answered.

Jordan looked down at ground in deep concentration. He looked somewhat astonished that, not only was I gay, but my parents were fine with it.

“Do you get picked on?” He asked, this time with a somber expression on his face.

“Well, not really. Not everyone is cool with it, some people don’t like me and that’s fine with me. I don’t let them control my life or my happiness.”

Jordan seemed to soak up my words and spent a few moments contemplating them.

“Do you hate me Jordan?”

“What!? No, of course I don’t.”

“Cool, you shouldn’t hate anyone for who they are.” I stated as I stared into his eyes.

Jordan smiled slightly and then turned his attention back to the TV.

“I won’t Keaton, I promise.” Jordan uttered back.

It felt good having heard him say that. I just hope he remembers that promise one day when it’s needed of him.

I called it a night and hobbled my way up the stairs, I was exhausted after today. I quickly undressed and plopped on my bed; it only took a few minutes before I drifted into dreamland. I slept well for the most part. My only interruption came when Jackie shook me awake at midnight and claimed to have had another bad dream. I was too tired to offer the boy any encouraging words to help him through it, but I did open up my bed to him. He climbed into the spot next to me and scooted his way up to my chest. There was plenty of room for him on the other side of the bed, but I was too tired to argue. Besides, if a little innocent snuggling puts him to sleep, I’ll bite that bullet in a heartbeat.

 

September 1^st

 

The alarm didn’t miss its routine barrage of annoying screeching this morning. Birthday or not, I had to force myself out of bed and watch my sleepiness down the shower drain. Jackie was sprawled across the bed, taking up as much space as possible until he awoke with a violent jerking motion. He must have hated waking up just as much as I do.

I kept my shower brief this morning, I was eager to get the first half of my day over with. After school is out, I’ve got a date with Bjorn and I couldn’t be more excited.

After my morning ritual, it was coffee, a quick breakfast, and I was out the door, ready to see Bjorn.

I couldn’t stop thinking about his “gift” comment from last night. I was racking my brain trying to think of the possible presents. Maybe it was a surfboard, or maybe it’s not an item; it could possibly be some kind of sexual favor, knowing him.

When I saw his smiling face waiting for me by my mailbox, I decided to let all that go and just enjoy my time with him today. That alone, is a gift within its self. But still, I wonder…

“Hey birthday boy! How’s my little fourteener feeling this morning.” He jokingly said in a “mom” voice as he pinched my cheek.

I blushed profusely and lightly shoved his arm away.

“Shut up dork. I’m fine.” I said with a smirk that I tried to hide.

He surprised me by lifting my chin up suddenly and planting his lips on mine. When he broke the kiss, he kept his face close to mine as he whispered, “Happy Birthday”, then pulled me along the sidewalk like nothing happened. I always freeze up when he hits me with surprise kisses. I probably looked ridiculous as he led me by the hand with this big goofy grin on my face.

“Th-thanks babe.” I uttered back.

Bjorn took my bag from me, like he does every morning. This time when I tried to protest, he told me he would only let me carry the bag if he carried me. I have no doubt Bjorn would throw me over his shoulder if I challenged him, so I gave in and handed him the bag.

-

School turned out to be pretty fun today. The highlights of my day so far were mostly Bjorn doing his best to annoy me. He told our homeroom teacher that it was my birthday, so the teacher made everyone sing happy birthday to me. My ears were hot with embarrassment as all the kids chimed in on the song. Of course, Bjorn stole the show and sung far louder than everyone else; he even stood as he did it to draw maximum attention from the class.

Then he wrote “Bjorn’s not so baby boy” on my hand in pen. Which I knew wouldn’t come off easily and I shouldn’t have let him draw it. And finally, at lunch, he presented to me one of his gifts. I thought I was only getting one, but apparently, he has a few surprises for me.

In full view of the entire lunch room, Bjorn pulled a teddy bear out of his bag and presented it to me. Not just any teddy bear though, this teddy had a large red heart in between his hands with some writing on it. Bjorn obviously planned this one out for some time, because the words were custom printed. The heart read out “Keaton’s Love Bear” on it. This was obviously a clever play on words with Bjorn’s name, which meant bear.

The group of probably straight teens at our lunch table just sat there completely stunned. Public displays of affection were rare in middle school, but this, this was insane. I shared their shock and sat there with my jaw on the floor. Bjorn, oblivious to all the attention, just smiled with absolute pride and extended the bear my way. I took the bear and looked around. I looked at all the prying eyes, shocked expressions, and jealous teenage girls. Then I looked at Bjorn, who’s smile could outshine all the attention this lunchroom could give me. He was looking for approval, a gesture that told him whether or not I appreciated his gift. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to do, but I couldn’t for the life of me, do it in front of all these people.

I blushed deeply, looked at the floor, took a deep breath, and smiled.

“I love it. Thank you so much.” I offered to him with a shy smile.

I wasn’t satisfied with my response, he deserved more than that. But I guess he understood the spot he put me in, because he reached out, rubbed my arm, and apologized.

“I knew you would. Sorry about doing that here and now. I just, I had to.” He said with a soft grin.

The one girl at our table broke the silence amongst the boys as she scolded one of them.

“What the hell!? We’ve been going out for 6 months and you haven’t done anything like that for me!” She spat at the boy beside her. The boys around the table giggled at their friend’s expense. Luckily, this broke up the tension around us slightly.

“Can we eat outside?” I whispered to Bjorn.

He nodded approvingly and grabbed his tray of food. I gently placed the bear in my own bag and carried him, and my tray of food, out of the lunchroom. We were already done eating, so we threw our trays away once we got outside. Bjorn took me to a spot by an old oak tree where we took a seat in the shade. There was a cool breeze in the air, I sat back against the tree and relished the feel-good weather. Reaching into my bag, I pulled the plush stuffed animal out and examined it. Bjorn gazed at me as I looked the bear over.

“I got you this, so you have something to cuddle when I’m not there.”

I ran my fingers over the soft fur of the bear, it would make a great cuddle buddy in an emergency.

“I love it. I… I don’t know how else to say it. I wish I could put it into words but… I just love it so much Bjorn.”

“Good, then I bet you’ll love my next gift too.”

“There’s more!? I exclaimed with shock.

“You bet. I couldn’t cheap out on my boyfriend’s birthday.” He responded with pride.

I brought the teddy bear close to my chest and hugged it tightly. I looked back at Bjorn with a huge grin and then buried my face into the bear.

“God you’re so perfect.” I whispered into the bear, my voice muffled by the thick fabric.

“So, when do I get my next gift?” I asked sheepishly.

“Well, I guess I can tell you about it now. I told my dad that you wanted to join a gym, and he said he would pay for a membership if he we actually used it. So, what do you say, want to be my gym buddy?”

“Yes! I mean, yeah, I’ll go with you. What gym? And when can we go?”

“Today, tomorrow, whenever you feel like going Keats.”

I was floating on cloud nine so far today. I got a cute bear, a gym membership, and I haven’t even gotten to my date yet. When Christmas rolls around, I’ll have to spoil Bjorn with gifts. I’ve had my eye on something the last few days, and I can afford it; but I don’t know when the right time to give it to him will be.

“Hey, remember how your dad asked if you wanted to do anything for your birthday? Well I have a suggestion. What do you think about us going camping?”

I sat there for a moment and pondered his question. I’ve only been camping maybe two times in my whole life. I didn’t really have a strong opinion on it. But come to think of it, starry nights, campfire cuddles, peaceful scenery, camping with Bjorn sounds like a great idea.

“That sounds cool. But I doubt we can do it so soon, we don’t have any camping gear and my cousins are still in town. Maybe next week, or sometime soon after that.”

Bjorn agreed to my plan and then the bell rang, it was time for the next class. My day has been going great so far; of course, it can’t be perfect. Aside from the unbelievable amount of homework and make-up work I had to do, I was also left a nasty surprise when I got to science class.

I was one of the last few people to enter the class, which is normal since my last class is on the other side of the school. When I approached my table, I noticed a small sheet of paper, sticking out of the textbook that was laying there. Out of curiosity, I pulled the small scrap out and read what was on it. It was obviously left here for me, because the note read “I heard you give shitty head – want to practice on me?” Below the writing was a small doodle of a stick figure on his knees, and opening his mouth to the poorly drawn penis of another stick figure.

I took in a deep breath of air and took my seat. To avoid letting anyone else see it, I crumbled the paper up and put it in my pocket. I wasn’t surprised, nor was I angry. I expected this, I was only surprised they weren’t more vocal about it. It stung, I was still upset, but I knew that they were only words.

I kept quiet that class period. I did my work in silence, avoided asking or answering questions, and finished the class without making eye contact with anyone. When the bell rang, I packed up and left quickly, I didn’t want to catch the attention of the person or persons who left that note. I kept my head down as I walked, paying attention to only the floor in front of me. I was in my own little world until I noticed the strange amount of weight I was lugging around. I was wondering why my backpack seemed so heavy compared to normal. That’s when it hit me, I remembered the large stuffed bear I was carrying in there. Suddenly that frown of mine was gone, I smirked slightly and then started walking with my usual sense of purpose. That bear, and the recent memory of receiving it, erased the negative feelings of that note completely.

After school, inspired by the poorly written words of my wanna-be bullies, I was going to tell Bjorn we should go to the gym. Unfortunately, something unexpected prevented me from doing so.

There was a commotion stirring in one of the hallways I passed. Judging by the sounds of shoes screeching on tile, and children yelling incoherently, it's probably a fight. 

 

I know better than to stick my nose where it doesn't belong. But, my curiosity was growing by the second. I stopped and looked down the long hallway, towards the end of it was a crowd of people. The students were clawing at each other to get to the front of the crowd and see the action. I slowly made my way forward and stood behind the group of bodies that blocked my view. Days like this, make me wish I was taller. 

 

Since I couldn't see the action, I tried to listen in and figure out what this was all about. Kids were cheering and chanting but through the commotion, I could hear the strained voice of someone I knew. 

 

It was unmistakable. Only one person could be behind those words. Through all the chaos, I could hear the anger-filled profanities of the only boy in school who spoke like that. 

 

Only two people in this hallway could understand him, because he wasn't speaking English. Bjorn taught me a few Norwegian swear words and I was able to pick them out very quickly. On the other side of this wall of kids, was my boyfriend; and it sounded like he was fighting. I needed to get through. I desperately clawed and shimmied my way through the bodies. Many people resisted, and even pushed me back. But I persisted until I made it to the front. My suspicions were confirmed when I caught a glimpse of Bjorn on top of another boy. 

 

Both boys were locked in a wrestling match, trying to gain leverage. Bjorn was on top and clearly winning, but the other boy, who I didn't recognize, was holding him by the shirt so he couldn't sit up and punch. In their current position, they were at a deadlock. But I had no intention of letting this carry on. 

 

I grabbed at Bjorn's shirt and arms in attempt to pull him off, but I was unsuccessful. I had to do something to break them apart, but I didn't have the raw strength to break them up. I needed Bjorn to listen to me, I called his name but received no response. The noise around us, coupled with his adrenaline, probably made it impossible for him to hear me. 

 

I got on top of his back and wedged my hands under his chest. I yelled at him again, but this time in Norwegian. Just a few words, broken and shaky, but enough for him to hear me. 

 

Bjorn stopped struggling underneath me, and he wasn't shouting anymore either. He was breathing heavily, almost panting. I pulled him on him again, this time he didn't resist. 

 

With a quick shove, Bjorn pushed off from the mystery boy and let me pull him up. We needed to leave quickly because a teacher would be here soon. But the other boy wasn't keen on the fight ending so quick. He jumped to his feet and lunged at us one last time. It was a wild punch, landing near Bjorn's nose; both of us were taken off guard. 

 

I knew Bjorn was going to hit him back and the fight would rekindle. But I wouldn't let him. Not because I wanted the fight to end, but because it was my turn.

 

It was a cheap shot, Bjorn was walking away when he threw it. I was angry; furious that this punk just hit him in front of me. I don't know why they were fighting, all I knew was I'm on Bjorn's side, and no one hits my boyfriend. 

 

I snapped. Pushing past Bjorn, I swung wildly at the boy. After striking him a few times, I threw my weight against him and tackled him to the ground. He was on his back, in the same place he was previously, getting the tar beat out of him. I was sitting on his chest and throwing punches with all my might. All I could see was red when I looked down at him. 

 

We never met before; he had long brown hair and blue eyes. But those eyes were filled with fear as I unleashed a fury of blows aimed at his head. 

 

I only had a few moments to pummel him before I felt the arms of someone else grab me from behind. They swept me away, promptly dragging me away from the fight and towards the exit. It was Bjorn; he was trying to make a speedy escape before we got caught. But I wanted more. I wanted to attack the boy again. I wanted to rip him to shreds like a bear pulling a salmon out of a river for lunch. I would have been able to, if Bjorn wasn't so strong. 

 

I was still fuming. I've never been this angry before in my entire life. How dare someone attack the one I love, especially right in front of me. I wanted to kill him; my rage ever increasing. But luckily, Bjorn was pulling me towards the buses and away from my victim. The situation was starting to defuse, and my adrenaline would soon deflate. 

 

We clamored up the steps of the bus and took our seats in the back. It was the first time we had a second to breathe, and break the silence. 

 

"Keaton, I-" Bjorn uttered but I soon cut him off. 

 

"Shh... babe let me see your eye." 

 

I took ahold of his face and examined it carefully. His eye was clearly swollen but that was the extent of the damage. It was going to be a black eye for sure. I brushed my thumb gently across the skin to feel for a knot while my other hand did the same with his head. He flinched slightly and grimaced, but didn't pull away. 

 

"It's a little bit swollen Bjorn, but that's it. I'm sorry I distracted you, I just wanted to stop-" I started to apologize but Bjorn cut me off.

 

"Don't say sorry. You were amazing Keats!" He said with exuberance.

 

I blushed slightly and shot him a shy smile. I felt a sweeping sense of pride in myself. I just fought someone; like, for real. I beat the crap out of a random kid to protect my boyfriend. I did it all off instinct. I might even grow to regret handling it how I did; but for now, I was floating on cloud nine. 

 

"I was just... you know... watching your back." I said through a slight grin. 

 

Bjorn leaned in to kiss me; just a quick peck on the cheek but he had the largest grin on his face.

“I didn’t mean for you to get involved… but you were pretty freaking awesome Keaton.”

I felt my ears grow hot again and I looked away out of embarrassment.

“It- It was nothing. But Bjorn… why were you fighting with him?”

The tension between us grew as the conversation got more serious. The smile on Bjorn’s face slipped away and a small scowl presented itself.

“It’s nothing really-

“Bjorn!”

“Okay, okay. I’ll tell you. He said some mean things about you, and I just lost it.” Bjorn looked away for a moment before quickly adding “I’m sorry about doing that on your birthday, I just couldn’t let him get away with it.”

To be honest, I felt guilty that I was indirectly the cause of this fight, but Bjorn can’t just punch everyone who says bad things about me.

My mouth stretched slightly in a sarcastic smirk.

“Thank you for defending my honor my knight in shining armor. But next time, just let it go, please? What did even say about me that made you that mad?”

Not even my sarcasm could force a smile out of him. He seemed genuinely upset by whatever the boy said.

“Just something about us, you know, being together. I’d rather not repeat it, it’s not worth saying.”

My first instinct was to press further and get him to fuss up, but on second thought, he’s right; it wasn’t worth it.

“Fine by me, but you owe me for saving your butt.” I said with a chuckle. I grabbed onto his arm and nestled my head onto his shoulder. My knuckles were swollen and red, but I didn’t want to complain and worry Bjorn. I reveled in my victory as I snuggled him.

“Alright champ, what do you want?” He responded.

“Well, let’s see how our date goes tonight. By the way, do you have any plans for it yet?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, I’ve got an idea or two. Just leave it to me.”

The bus started to pull off from the school and we were finally in the clear. I was afraid for a moment that the kid told on us and a teacher would be coming to pull us off the bus. Thankfully, my birthday wasn’t ruined by a trip to the principal’s office.

“You know, people at school are going to think twice before messing with you.” Bjorn sighed with a slight grin.

I didn’t believe him though. Even though I was teeming with excitement after my little “fight”, I knew there would be consequences. Getting beat up by the smaller “queer” boy will not sit well with the mystery boy or any of his friends. I know something bad will come of this, but I dare not think of that today.

-

“Alright, close your eyes, no peeking!”

We made it to Bjorn’s house and he was leading me into his bedroom for my next surprise. He led me by my hand as I blindly followed him throughout the house. He wasn’t much of a guide though, I kept bumping into things. I don’t see why I must keep my eyes closed if the surprise is in his room. Finally, I heard the creak of his door opening. After a few more steps, he told me to open my eyes.

I scanned the room, looking for any kind of inconsistency or unusual object. At first, I couldn’t see anything out of normal. But then I noticed two small wooden picture frames laying on his bed. I stepped forward and inspected one of the frames, there was no picture in either of them. I looked back at Bjorn with an expression of pure confusion; he just looked on with a big smile.

“Well you caught me, there is no gift, yet. I was thinking last night, we don’t have any pictures of us together. Maybe we could take a few, and then you can have a frame and so can I. I don’t really know how to get pictures developed or whatever, but I think you can do it at a Wal-Mart or Pharmacy around here.”

Bjorn stood there, innocently looking back at me with hopeful eyes. The bear was an amazing gift, the gym membership is pretty cool too; but a framed picture of me and Bjorn, I couldn’t imagine anything more amazing.

“I’ll make my mom drive us to the store today. This is going to be the best picture the world has ever seen.” I stated in a dramatic tone as I held the frame to my chest.

We both chuckled and planned for our first pictures as a couple. We could just snap a quick selfie right here in his bedroom, but that would be boring. Instead, we decided on the perfect location for our picture; the beach. The same beach where we fell in love.

Bjorn also suggested taking one on our date tonight, which sounds good to me.

It came as no surprise when Bjorn told me to run home and get a bathing suit on. I hurried back to my house to change, but then realized a glaring problem. Jackie was laying on my bed watching TV when I walked in my room. Without hesitation he bombarded me with questions.

“How was school? What are you doing? Are you going swimming? Can I come too!?”

“No Jackie, just me and Bjorn are going today.”

“Aww. Why can’t I come too!?” He whined.

Even Jordan, who was sitting on some blankets beside the bed and watching TV as well, seemed interested in swimming.

“Me and Bernie want to spend some time alone.” I responded as I closed the door to the bathroom and changed.

The moment I opened the door, without missing a beat, Jackie was hounding me again.

“But I won’t bother you guys! I just want to go swimming!” He insisted.

There was no way to argue with a six-year-old and win. You either give in, or escape the situation and hope they forget. Unfortunately, I didn’t see a way out of this one. Maybe the boys can come, at least to the beach. There will be plenty of time for a more romantic date later tonight, I’m sure Bjorn won’t mind.

So I gave in, and told the boys they could come too. And just like that, a trio of boys showed up at Bjorn’s door instead of just me. Luckily, he didn’t seem upset or disappointed, or at least he didn’t show it.

The four of us now walked to the beach. Even though this beach held many embarrassing experiences for me, I still loved it. The smells and sounds of the familiar hike to the sandy shore was all the more invigorating with Bjorn holding my hand and Jackie crawling onto my back. I didn’t feel embarrassed to hold his hand in front of the boys, and they didn’t bother to comment on it; except for a quiet giggle that squeaked out of Jackie.

When we arrived at the beach, some familiar faces greeted us. Chris, Michael, and even David. It was strangely reminiscent of the time we all played football together. The only difference, was the tension between Bjorn and David.

“You guys want to play?” Chris offered as he tossed the ball to Bjorn.

David stared at Bjorn blankly, awaiting his response. The was a pause and an awkward silence. But after examining the ball for a few moments, he passed it David and looked at me for approval.

We tossed the ball around for a while, and then started a game of tag football. David was the all-time quarterback, while me, Chris and Jordan faced off against Jackie, Bjorn, and Michael. Bjorn was the star of the show, always catching everything thrown his way, evading would-be taggers, and scoring whenever he touched the ball. He would also block for Jackie whenever the ball was tossed his way, so the young boy could score a few times.

David and Bjorn shared a few laughs, and had a few good pass n’ catches together. I liked seeing the two of them being friendly again. I was hopeful we could all be friends.

When we took a break, I got a moment to sit in the sand with Bjorn and talk while Jackie and Jordan splashed in the waist high waves. We let our toes dig into the sand as we relaxed under the cool ocean breeze. I watched as my younger cousins waded and wrestled against the unstoppable force of each incoming wave. Like a protective mother bear, my eyes watched over them, just in case a sudden rip current grabs one of the smaller boys. But I let myself feel more at ease when Bjorn’s hand brushed over the top of mine and his fingers curled around to grasp my hand gently. My cousins were Florida boys, they can handle the ocean without me staring constantly.

I looked over Bjorn, who already had his eyes locked on me. We stared at each other for a few moments. You would think that a moment like this would be awkward, but it was anything but. We didn’t have anything important to say, but we wanted to communicate. Our eyes darted across each other’s bodies, occasionally coming to a rest in the other one’s gaze. Finally, we looked back towards the ocean simultaneously, as if we telepathically decided to do so.

“I wonder how many of your birthdays will I get to spend with you.” He said softly.

I was taken off guard at first. It stung a little, just trying to imagine a day without him. But then I thought over his question again, and realized what he really meant.

“I dunno. Could be eighty more, maybe even a hundred. Or maybe I’ll become a vampire and live forever. Then I can bite you, and we’ll both be immortal.” I said with a chuckle.

Bjorn grew quiet. Lost in deep concentration, he let the idea steep in his mind.

“Living forever seems kind of scary you know. It sounds cool at first, but then you think about everyone else dying around you and… well, it sucks.” He paused briefly before continuing.

“But, if I got to choose one person to spend forever with, you already know it’s you.” He chuckled, but then his tone grew softer.

“But, there is a chance, well…”

I looked over at him as he tried to find the words.

“If there is a chance that I’ll see her again, I’ll take it. Even if that means skipping out on immortality.”

It took me a minute to understand that Bjorn was talking about his mom. He seems doubtful, but still hopeful in the afterlife. Maybe he’s religious, I don’t really know. Either way, I want to go wherever he goes.

“Ah forget about immortality! I’ll be with you until the end and then some!” I jokingly exclaimed as I nudged him with my shoulder.

“And I’m sure we’ll all be there, wherever it is. Me, you, my family, and yours. Even her... especially her.” My voice faded to a whisper as I nestled my head onto his shoulder.

“Hey, let’s take that pic now.” I whispered.

Bjorn pulled out his phone, switched to the front-facing camera and extended his arm. Soon, we were both in frame of the camera. After some slight filter adjustments to get lighting just right, Bjorn snapped a few photos. Some of us smiling normally, soft smiles under a soft summer’s day. Some with big toothy grins and genuine excitement. And a few silly ones to keep just for a chuckle. We’d stick our tongues our out or cross our eyes. But my favorite picture, by far, was one where Bjorn surprised me by kissing my cheek in the middle of the shot. You can see a photo of me wide-eyed with his lips growing near, and then another picture of my inescapable smile as he planted one on me. We both giggled as he slipped his phone back into his pocket. One of those, if not all of them, would make a great framed picture. But now the day was dragging on and my cousins were emerging from the water with faces of exhaustion. It’s time to head back home, change, and head out for our date tonight.

I can’t wait to see what else Bjorn has in store for me; but so far, this has already been the best birthday ever.