Open Hearts

Open Hearts Part 15:

It was David's eyes that stared back into mine.

I was in shock after what just happened. I must be imagining things.

No. No I can't be. This is definitely real and that is definitely David.

He grabbed the sleeve of my shirt and pulled me up to my feet. I was so sick after remembering the things that Ryan did to me that I threw up on the bathroom floor. Some of it got on David too; this whole situation turned out to be a mess.

I didn't know what to think. I half expected David to punch me too or even do the same things that Ryan did. What he actually did surprised me. He threw my arm over his shoulder and helped me walk. Actually, he practically dragged my dead weight around. I was a nauseous, crying sack of potatoes with vomit on his shirt.

Eventually, we made it to the front office, where the staff practically shouted in horror.

They whisked me away to the nurse's office and David was left to explain everything.

Multiple people tried questioning me. The nurse, the secretary, the principal and even the school resource officer. I kept my legs to my chest and my face buried in my knees the entire time. The only response I gave was soft cries along with a single request.

"Bjorn, I want to see Bjorn!" I cried.

After ten minutes of this they finally gave in and looked up his name in the computer system. They called the classroom and asked to speak to him. Thirty seconds later, I heard the squeak of tennis shoes running down the hall and Bjorn's voice yelling my name.

I didn't want him to see me like this but he's the only one I can talk to. I felt him grab onto me as soon as he entered the room.

Everyone wanted answers, but unfortunately, I was the only one who could give them.

"Keaton, what happened!? Are you alright!?"

"I'm sorry... Bjorn.... I'm so sorry," I mumbled with my face still buried.

"Sorry about what!?" He exclaimed.

He then turned his attention to the adults in the room.

"What happened to him!?" He shouted.

"Bjorn, honey, is this your brother? We need to know his name so we can call his parents."

"No he's not my brother. His name is Keaton Anderson. Why is he here? What happened?"

"He was in a scuffle in the boys bathroom and-"

"It wasn't a fight! He tried to rape me!" I shouted suddenly before retreating back into my knees and crying again.

I think everyone in the room was a bit stunned because a long silence ensued. It lasted until I heard Bjorn jump up and start running. I looked up to see him lunging at David, who was still in the office. Both me and the school resource officer had to jump up and pull Bjorn off of him.

"It wasn't him you idiot! Stop it!" I screamed as I held onto his waist.

Once Bjorn stopped resisting the officer let him go. David on the other hand just stood up, brushed himself off and walked away calmly.

Bjorn didn't apologize to David or even reply to the officer as he yelled at him. Instead, he just picked me up and carried me back to the nurse's office and laid me down on one of the beds. He pulled my dirty, puked stained shirt off and made me wear his instead. One of the receptionists brought him a p.e. shirt that they still had leftover.

I'm glad Bjorn gave me his shirt; it smelled like him and provided me much needed comfort.

He didn't ask any questions, he just stroked my hair and my back as I laid there. By now, I wasn't crying anymore. I just laid on my side and stared at the wall. I couldn't get the events that took place out of my head. I couldn't forget his words, his smell or that disgusting penis. I just wanted it all out of my head but I just couldn't shake the thoughts.

My mom arrived a few minutes later. My dad was still at work but she had him on the phone. She ran to me the second she saw me and completely ignored the other adults. I didn't want to look at her. I was too embarrassed.

I mean I'm a boy for Christ's sakes! Things like this shouldn't happen to me. I shouldn't be forced to my knees in a school bathroom. I shouldn't be nearly raped by another boy just because he knows I'm gay or because he likes the way I look. This kind of stuff should only happen to girls... right?

Is this how it feels to be so powerless; To be the subject of someone else's obsession and be at their mercy with no control of the situation? He could have done whatever he wanted to me and he would have too if David hadn't showed up.

Ryan took away my only sense of security. I felt so... so... vulnerable.

I overheard the mumbling and hushed whispers of the other adults. Ryan was being detained until his parents got here. The other boys and David were going to have to wait on their parents as well. Bjorn was told to go back to class since my mom was here but he just spit back some explicit words in Norwegian as a response.

My mom bartered on his behalf and asked them to let him stay to comfort me. They gave in but they decided to call his dad too just to be safe. As if it couldn't get any worse, practically every parent in this school was being called here because of me. Soon, everyone in the school would know what he did and look at me like the sad, pathetic victim that I am. It's only my second day at school and I already want to transfer.

I had to tell them what happened to me in the bathroom. I begged my mom to leave before I said anything but she insisted on staying. The officer recommended that she be present but also recommended that Bjorn leave. Obviously that didn't sit well with Bjorn because he continued to curse at him in Norwegian. I told them that I wasn't answering anything without Bjorn there and that was that.

I did my best to remain calm and keep my composure as the officer asked his questions. This wasn't just a normal school fight or bullying incident; after saying the word "rape," everyone was taking this a lot more seriously.

It was when I got to the part about him taking his pants down that I broke down again. I collapsed into Bjorn's lap and sobbed profusely. The officer recommended that we wait for sex crimes detectives to arrive and they would speak to me instead. I didn't want that. I didn't want any of this. I know it's a big deal but I wish it hadn't gone this far. Part of me wished I could just scream "I made it up!" and run out the school building. Unfortunately, I couldn't do that.

The detectives came and they went. I spent the entire conversation laying in Bjorn's lap as he ran his fingers through my hair. From what I can tell, Ryan was trying to say it was consensual and that I'm lying because the other boys caught us in the act. The detectives seemed to believe me though since there was a clear bruise on my face from where he had hit me.

They told me that since I wasn't penetrated and since Ryan also admitted to the act, that I wouldn't need to go to a hospital if I didn't want to. They left shortly after taking my statement and now I was free to go. They spoke to my mother in private for a little bit while I prepared myself to get up and leave.

I looked up at Bjorn and looked into his eyes for the first time since this all started. They were red and puffy just like mine.

"Bjorn, I'm sorry."

"Why baby? You have nothing to be sorry about," he said quietly.

His voice was shaky and he sounded choked up.

"I couldn't stop him. I can't defend myself. I'm not like you," I said in a broken and hoarse tone.

"Keaton you don't need to defend yourself. That's not-"

"You don't understand Bjorn! If I was like you then I could have stopped him. Do you know what would have happened if David didn't show up! I would have... I... I didn't have a choice!" I shouted back at him.

Bjorn knew when to pick his battles and this was not one of them. He just pressed his lips against my forehead and kissed me.

"Shhh baby it's okay... it's all over now... you're okay," he kept repeating.

I wish I hadn't yelled at him; he didn't deserve that. Bjorn was the only rock I felt like I had right now. He's been so gentle and loving so far; I need to apologize.

"I'm sorry for yell-"

"Its fine baby. You're allowed to be upset, don't worry about it."

Just then, Bjorn's dad showed up. I expected to get glaring eyes from him after reeling his son into this mess. Instead, I got quite a different reaction. After seeing me and Bjorn together, he immediately turned his attention to the officer and school staff.

Here was this large and very imposing man, yelling so loud that you could probably hear him on the other side of the school. He was basically asking why they hadn't prevented all of this as well as demanding punishment for Ryan. At one point I think he even threatened Ryan and his parents. They weren't present to hear this but I'm sure he would have said it either way. They all tried to get him to calm down but nobody, not even the officer, wanted to get in his way.

"Bjorn... He's making a scene," I whispered.

"I got it babe."

Bjorn shouted something in his direction and Sigve stopped yelling. He walked over to us and calmly apologized to me for being a disruption.

I like Sigve.

Finally, they let us all leave. Bjorn helped me to my mom's car while Sigve and my mom complained about the school system to each other. I was so sick of all of this and I just wanted to go home.

Luckily, they let Bjorn ride home with me and stay with me too. After this is all over I need to make sure I thank him a million and one times.

My mom dropped us off and left me in Bjorn's care while she went to pick up my dad from work. They were still looking at a second car and were still trying to manage getting around with only one. My dad was getting off early to come see me I guess.

When I got up to my room I immediately went to the bathroom. I started scrubbing my mouth, lips, and face. I wanted to cleanse myself from both Ryan's germs and the vomit that still lingered on my tastebuds.

I heard Bjorn come in behind me but I jumped back away from him when I felt him touch my arm. He was terrified that he had done something wrong. I guess it was just my nerves and the trauma that made me react the way I did. Regardless, I felt awful for pulling away from him the way I did.

"I'm sorry babe I uhh... I guess I was just startled a bit," I said frantically.

His face seemed to drop a bit; he took a few steps back then retreated out of the bathroom.

"I'll be out here if you need me," he shouted back.

Damn it. I think I might have hurt his feelings a bit.

When I came out of the bathroom I saw him standing in front of my dresser, looking at a book. He was looking at my sketch book; particularly the drawing of him surfing. He turned and looked at me with an almost sad but also shocked expression.

"You... did you draw this picture Keaton?"

"Y-yeah... do you l-"

"I fucking love it! I mean... I love it baby. You did a great job."

He took a few steps towards me and acted as if he was going to hug me but then he hesitated.

"Do you mind if... am I allowed to..." he stammered nervously.

"Yes babe. Please do."

He wrapped me in a warm embrace.

"I'm sorry I jumped earlier. Please don't ever hesitate to hug me again," I pleaded in his ear.

"I won't, I promise," he responded.

He carried me to the bed where we laid for at least an hour. We didn't sleep, we didn't talk, we just laid there and enjoyed the company of each other. This was the most peace I've had all day. I had already forgotten about school, Ryan, and all that other bullshit.

"Thanks babe. Thanks for everything today," I said to finally break the silence.

"You don't have to thank me... I'm surprised you're not mad at me," Bjorn replied in a solemn voice.

"What? How could I be mad at you?"

"Because... I wasn't there. You had to be rescued by David of all people. On top of that, I lost my cool and attacked him when I should have been with you. I'm really sorry Keaty."

"You couldn't have been there; you can't blame yourself for that! And... well... I'm not excited about David being there either but... he saved me Bjorn. He didn't have to do that but he did. I owe him a thank you whether I like him or not."

"Whenever you're ready we can go talk to him, together," Bjorn said with a deep sigh.

"Thanks babe, that'd be nice."

It's been an hour since I've been home. My dad came up briefly but saw me and Bjorn cuddled together and decided to give us some privacy. At some point I'll have to leave this room and face reality, but not right now.

"I'll be back in a second, love," Bjorn whispered before getting up and leaving the room.

I wasn't sure where he was going but I hope he comes back soon. Even his brief absence was discomforting.

A few minutes later he came back with a familiar white mug that carried the scent of my favorite beverage.

I felt like crying all of a sudden.

I wasn't really sad at the moment, I just felt so undeserving.

I sat up slowly in the bed and grabbed the cup of coffee from his hands.

"Here ya go babe I hope y-"

"I love you," I interrupted suddenly.

"I love you t-"

"No Bjorn... I fucking love you."

Bjorn just giggled and took his seat on the bed next to me. He watched me sip gingerly from the mug and almost moan in approval. It was that good I tell you. Coffee is good; drinking coffee in bed that my boyfriend made for me is the best thing ever.

When I finished my drink Bjorn offered to make me more but I declined.

"No thank you, just keep laying with me."

We cuddled on the bed for awhile and watched TV. The entire time we laid there, something was on my mind.

I still felt violated by Ryan and I had an idea of how to fix it. Ryan almost took something from me that belonged to Bjorn. My body belongs to Bjorn and his belongs to me; that's what we agreed on. I wanted this feeling to go away. I wanted Bjorn to take back what was his even if he never really lost it. Ryan's penis was repulsive to me. I wanted Bjorn's again because his is the only one I'll ever love.

"Babe... you wanna... you know."

I reached under the blanket and started to unbutton his pants.

"Babe, whatcha doin," he said in a nervous tone.

"Oh you know, just satisfying this craving I have." I'm not sure if that came out as sexy as I wanted it to.

I started to drop my head below the covers but I was stopped when I felt Bjorn lift my face back up.

"Maybe we should hold off on that kind of thing for now. You know... all things considered," he said with a nervous chuckle that trailed off at the end.

"What is that supposed to mean," I said coldly.

"Oh nothing bad babe... just... you know..."

"No, I don't know."

"Everything that happened today... you went through a lot you know."

"And?"

"Come on Keaton, you know what I'm trying to say."

Yeah, I did know what he's trying to say. I guess I was damaged goods after all. Even though I didn't do anything with Ryan, I was still too broken to be with Bjorn sexually right now. This is just... fantastic.

"So... I make you uncomfortable," I said in a disappointed tone.

"No! No babe that's not what I said."

"That's what you meant though," I shot back.

This wasn't going anywhere good.

"Look Bjorn, you're right. I've been through a lot today. I'm going to take a nap, you can stay if you want."

I contemplated asking him to leave but then I remembered how amazing he was to me today. Even if I'm upset with him right now, he doesn't deserve to be kicked out.

"Do you want me to stay Keaton?" he asked softly.

The answer was a bit too complicated for me to even try and explain.

"I don't care. Whatever you want babe." I responded as I rolled over and closed my eyes.

"Oh... well I want to stay... as long as you want me to at least." He sounded hurt as he spoke.

"Sure," I said coldly.

He moved closer to my back and put his arm around my waist but it felt different than usual. This was an awkward embrace I guess; probably because of the tension in the room.

I did my best to try and fall asleep but I just couldn't. All I could think about was Ryan. The angry look in his eyes, the pimples on his face, even his penis was burned into my brain. I didn't want to think about it, I just didn't have any other choice. Eventually, I was so overcome with frustration that I began to cry softly into the pillow.

Bjorn was still awake and obviously heard my crying. I felt his arm snake up my shirt until his hand was over my heart. It was a caring gesture and it definitely didn't go unappreciated. I just wish he knew how much it would mean to me if he accepted my offer earlier. I didn't want to be looked at this way. I didn't want the first thing on my mind to be Ryan. I wish Bjorn would realize this.

I was never able to fall asleep. I told Bjorn I needed a shower and some alone time and he went home. I decided to try and take my mind off of everything by going downstairs and talking with my parents. Unfortunately I caught them in a heated debate on whether or not it was a good idea for me to "out" in school.

My father, the same one who preached to me about pride, was saying that me and Bjorn should have kept it a secret. He believed that the world was too dangerous for us to be a gay couple around everyone else. My mother on the other hand believed that it was the right thing for us to be so open about it.

The entire conversation was stupid and unsettling. None of this even mattered anymore because what's done is already done. We were already out and nothing could change that. I had already been beaten up and nearly raped in a bathroom today and nothing could change that. The worst part of this conversation by far, was the fact that they talked about me as if I wasn't even there. They were trying to decide what's best for me without even asking me. Funny... Bjorn did the same thing I guess.

Maybe coming down here was a mistake. I jogged back up the stairs as quick as I could and locked my bedroom door behind me.

Maybe drawing would help. I had no idea of what to draw, I was just going to go with the flow.

I started by shading in the corners of the paper until there was a vertical rectangle in the middle. The shape looked like a door and the shading looked like shadows. I went with my gut and drew the hinges, frame, and a wooden door that hung open. All that was left was the blank space past the entryway. I stared at the space for at least 10 minutes before starting to draw a floor. I drew bathroom tiles. The tiles continued on forever in what seemed like an endless hallway. If someone were to try and interpret this drawing, they'd probably think that the room with the tiles was the "light at the end of the tunnel," but I knew the truth.

The room was a space in my mind. The shadows surrounding the door represented the emptiness of that part of my conscious. The doorway was open like a fresh wound in my psyche. The negative space and bright light didn't represent "salvation" or "hope" they represented the spotlight that shined on my fears.

When it was finished, I closed the sketchpad and inhaled deeply. When I exhaled, it felt like most of the weight that I had been carrying around all day just disappeared. The anxiety was gone, the stress was relieved, and I felt like I could breathe again. I wasn't ready to skip around and click my heels just yet though. I felt tired, beat up, and my face hurt. Aside from all this I was happy just to be able to close my eyes and breathe.

I was going to be okay, I'm sure of it. This isn't the end of the world. My boyfriend still cares about me, my parents love me, and the boy who tried to hurt me wasn't going to get away with it either. All of this pain will soon disappear, I just need to breathe.

Drawing was therapeutic for me. I didn't draw very often and I never drew something just for fun. Drawing served a purpose in my life. It was the expulsion of feelings that I couldn't get rid of normally. Everyone needs to release these emotions in their own way. Some people cry, some people scream or punch or things; but I draw.

The last couple pictures I've done were all expressions of some form of intense feeling. I guess putting things on paper is my favorite form of expression.

Finally wasn't on my mind anymore, but someone else was. Why did David come to save me? Why didn't David try to fight back against Bjorn when he attacked him in the office. Why did he help me of all people?

I hated David and I thought he hated me too. After today though, I think our relationship might be a bit more complicated.

I picked up my phone and texted Bjorn immediately.

Sent: "What's David's address?"

Received: "Why?"

Sent: "I want to talk to him and thank him."

Received: "I told you we would go talk to him together."

Sent: "No I want to do this alone."

It was important that Bjorn wasn't there. Considering their history together, I'll get a better response from David if I'm alone. It took a lot of pleading but I was able to get his address from Bjorn. I put shoes on and headed out the door quickly.

When I made it to his house, which was just a little down the street, I was greeted by a home much larger than ours. It was two stories like ours but seemed almost like a mini-mansion. Okay maybe that's a slight exaggeration but still, it was huge.

There was a tall, metal-pole fence that ran around the property. The grass was neatly trimmed along with the hedges that followed the path to the door. A three car garage, separate from the house, sat at the end of the driveway. Next to that, was a big metal gate to the backyard. It was an impressive house. My family had always been upper middle class but this teetered on the verge of lavish. Not to mention the pair of land rovers and corvette in the garage.

I knocked on the door feeling almost intimidated by the wealth. Something about large houses and wealthy families always made me uncomfortable. It must sound a bit weird since me and my family are pretty well-off; but for some reason it all just made me uneasy.

A woman answered the door quickly after I had knocked. She looked down at me with some curiosity.

"Hi, my name is Keaton-" I quietly said before I heard someone cut me off.

"I got it mom," David interrupted as he stepped into view.

David didn't look too surprised to see me. He didn't look very impressed either.

"H-hey David... can I speak with you?" I meeped.

He kept his face straight and his eyes cold as he stared me down.

He never offered a response, he just opened the door wider as a gesture for me to enter. After I went inside and he closed the door, I silently followed him up the stairs and into his room without ever saying a word.

Once inside he sat on the end of his bed and I took a seat in his computer chair.

Huge king sized bed, two different gaming consoles, custom built PC and a large aquarium: this was definitely a rich boy's bedroom.

David still didn't make a noise as he stared me down. I guess it's up to me to get the conversation started.

"I like your room." I said with some forced enthusiasm.

No response.

Well this is going great so far.

"So umm... I guess I just wanted to say thank you... for earlier," I said nervously.

"No problem," he said plainly.

"Well... uh... there is something else I wanted to say."

"Go ahead."

He still sounded pretty annoyed and disinterested.

"Well I guess I wanted to ask... Why did you help me?"

"Why not?" He responded matter-of-factly as if it was the stupidest question he had ever heard.

"Oh uhh... Well I just didn't expect you to help me. I know you kind of hate me and all that so why did you save me?" I answered with a little bit of attitude.

"Who said I hated you?" David responded in an angry tone.

I didn't expect that response from him.

"You did! Well you didn't actually say those words but you said some pretty bad things to me."

"I'm sorry," he said in almost a whisper.

"What?" I asked with a hint of shock and disbelief in my voice.

"I said I'm sorry. I'm sorry I said those things on the beach and I'm sorry I pushed you," He exclaimed.

I can't believe this. I can't believe that David is saying these things. Where is this sudden change of heart coming from?

"You are? But why? Why are you sorry all of a sudden? Why did you say them in the first place!?" I shouted back out of frustration.

I needed to know why he was apologizing all of sudden.

"Because... because Bjorn stole you," he answered as he looked down and avoided my gaze.

"What? I thought you hated me because I started dating Bjorn."

"What did Bjorn tell you about our history with each other Keaton?" he said followed by a deep sigh.

"He said that you made him do things to you and then you never did them back. Also that you insulted him and called him a faggot just like you did to me."

Saying those things out loud reminded me of all the resentment I have for David.

David took a deep breathe before he continued.

"He was telling the truth. I bet he didn't tell you what happened next though," David said as his gaze met mine.

"No... I guess he didn't," I responded weakly.

"I apologized to Bjorn. I begged for him to be my friend again. I told him I would do whatever he wanted but he didn't care. Eventually, he agreed to be my friend but not in the same way as before. I accepted the fact that Bjorn couldn't be my boyfriend anymore and moved on. When you moved in, I thought I had a chance to meet a new friend that might hopefully be gay. I told Bjorn about it that night after you went inside. I told him that I thought you were cute. He said that you were just "alright" and that he didn't really care. The next day at the beach, he was all over you. Don't you see Keaton? Bjorn just wanted you to spite me. How could I sit there and be humiliated like that? I got angry and I'm sorry."

When David finished talking I thought he was about to cry. There was so much pain in his voice that it made me feel as if there is no way he was lying.

I can't believe this. Bjorn started dating me just to win me as a prize? Was I in this relationship just because he wanted revenge against David? This is unbelievable and yet, I believe every word David said.

"David... if you liked me then why didn't you just say so instead of pushing me down and calling me names?" I asked as the emotion started to build up inside me.

"Because... look at me. I can't compete with him. I was angry and I took it out on you. I did the same thing with Bjorn shortly after we met. I didn't mean to hurt him; I was just so afraid of being gay. By the time I accepted it, it was already too late," he said with defeat in his voice.

"David, I don't know what to say except thank you. Thank you for everything. I'm going to talk to Bjorn about this but... well..."

I got up and walked over to his bed. I leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"I hope we can all put this behind us at some point and be friends."

David blushed and turned away after I kissed him. He tried to hide his smile but I could see it creeping up on him.

"Thanks Keaton, I'll show you out."

David walked me to the front door and I headed back outside. I had a new mission now; talk to Bjorn. That whole talk with David left with me mixed feelings. I was happy that David actually had some shred of decency to him. In fact, I'm finding it hard to dislike him anymore. Bjorn on the other hand went from "world's best boyfriend" to "world's best actor."

Did he really date me just to get back at David? Does Bjorn even like me? I still love him without a doubt but are the feelings mutual?

They have to be. He shared so much with me and opened up his heart to mine. There is no way he faked all of that for some petty revenge plot. One thing is for certain though, he has some explaining to do.

By the time I made it to Bjorn's house, I was ready for war. I knocked on the door with conviction and when he answered, I held my ground like a gladiator in the colosseum.

"We need to talk," I stated sharply.

"Of course baby, come in," he said with noticeable fear in his voice.

He looked at me curiously. I think he noticed my aggressive stance and tone of voice and knew something was wrong.

I noticed his dad wasn't home as I walked to his bedroom. Since he's not home that means I can raise my voice if need be.

As soon as the door closed behind me I went after him.

I was going to put Bjorn to the test. He needed to prove to me that his love was real and that I'm not just his bragging rights.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me the full story with David!" I shouted.

"Huh? I don't know what you're talking about," Bjorn replied with even more fear in his voice.

I could tell he was taken back by my question.

"Why didn't you tell me that David liked me? Am I just 'alright' to you? Am I just some trophy to win so you can hold it over David's head!?"

"Babe slow down I-"

"No. I won't slow down. I want answers Bjorn, right now!" I spoke as if my words were venom. I was angry but really I just wanted to see if I could get him to fire back. Bjorn is usually really honest when he's upset.

"Okay, okay... just please stop yelling," he said in a submissive tone.

I didn't expect him to back down so easy. I actually started to feel a bit bad for being so aggressive.

"I didn't tell you about that because I know it sounds bad," he answered.

"I want to make one thing clear though. I lied when I told him I didn't care. I also lied when I said that you were just 'alright' too. I didn't want him to know that I agreed with him. I didn't want to give him ammunition to hurt me Keaton," he started to tear up as he spoke.

"Why... why are you taking his side Keaton? Why did you have to start yelling and assume the worst of me? I love you, I never lied about any of that." Tears started to well up in his eyes as the words squeaked out.

He's right, I hadn't given him the benefit of the doubt. In all honesty, I expected Bjorn to say exactly what he said. What I didn't expect, was for him to get so upset that I approached him like this. I just wanted answers, I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Now I feel like an ass.

"Babe I'm sorry I just... I believe you I swear. I wasn't trying to take his side I just wanted to know-"

Suddenly Bjorn turned away from me and took a seat on the bed. He brought his knees to his chest and buried his face in them.

"Bjorn I swear I was just trying to see what you would say! I didn't actually believe you would do that to me!"

I rushed over to him and sat next to his trembling body. I tried to hold him and comfort him but he didn't seem to react.

He started to speak in soft whimpers as he fought back tears.

"I talk to her sometimes. My mom... I talk to her. I don't know if she can hear me but I do. Last night I told her how happy I was and how much I loved you. I told her all about you too. The way you smile, your laugh, and of course how cute you are. I told her that I wish you two could have met. I promise Keaton, this wasn't all a lie to get back at him. I couldn't lie to her."

If you listened hard enough you could actually hear my heart shatter. Like a glass falling from a countertop, it exploded into a million pieces.

"Bjorn... I... I don't deserve you at all-"

Suddenly he raised his head up and pressed his finger to my lips.

"Don't say that! You deserve to have everything Keaton. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you but then I remember you're just the reward I get for losing my mom. The universe owed me a lot after that and then I got you. I think my mom would say that you make up for it. I don't want to compare you two like that but damn you're as good as it gets babe," Bjorn said with a chuckle at the end.

Don't cry... don't cry... hold it together Keaton.

I don't know what I did to deserve this. I still have no clue why Bjorn loves me the way he does but god damn it I'm tired of questioning it too.

"I want to argue that you're as good as it gets, but I know you're too stubborn to agree; how about I just kiss you instead?"

Before I could make a move, Bjorn went right in to initiate the kiss himself.

Sometimes the kisses feel average or just more of the same; you get used to it really fast actually. However, sometimes when the moment is just right, a kiss feels like the first one all over again. The magic is recaptured as your lips touch, even if they touched a thousand times before. The only thing I can compare it to would be sparks. Sometimes the sparks would be there and sometimes they wouldn't. You don't need to use any tongue or bite their bottom lip like you would when you're normally making out. As soon as your lips touch, you feel it. You feel the tingle from your lips to your toes. Both of us couldn't help but smile. We both felt it simultaneously, it caused a familiar stir between us. Soon, we were pulling at each other's shirts, tugging on the waistband of our shorts and running our fingers through each other's hair.

It wasn't as sexual as one might think. In fact, I had no intention of going any farther right now. This is just how we kiss; this is the best way to kiss.

I invited Bjorn back to my house to continue the fun. I wanted to stay the night with him and I doubt my parents will let me stay over here. If Bjorn's dad was cool with it, then maybe they'll let him stay over. Considering all that happened today, I pray they say yes.

When we walked in the door my parents turned and stared me down; they looked worried.

"Keaton, where have you been?" My parents shouted in unison.

"I went to Bjorn's house. Didn't you hear me leave?" I responded defensively.

"Keaton you can't just leave whenever you want to! You have to check with us first!" My mother shouted with restrained anger in her voice.

"But I-"

"No Keaton! There is no excuse for just running off like that." She cut me off like a hot knife through butter.

She turned her attention to Bjorn. He was staring at the floor and quietly waiting for my lecture to be over.

"Bjorn, I think you should head back home for now. We need to speak with Keaton right now... alone," she said in a somber tone.

Bjorn offered no resistance, but I definitely did.

"What!? Why!? I want Bjorn here," I whined.

"Listen to your mother Keaton, Bjorn needs head home," my dad said hesitantly. It was obvious that my dad was just trying to back her up on the matter.

"But that's not fair!" I shouted a bit too loudly.

My parents were about to explode at me before Bjorn broke the tension.

"It's okay love, I'll see you soon," he said as he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

When I heard the door click behind me, I ran up to my room and slammed the door shut. I couldn't believe they sent him away over something so stupid! I fucking hate them! I did everything I could to forget about Ryan and the school. I needed Bjorn now.

Maybe I'm clingy and desperate, so what? I don't care if I'm too clingy! I need him and I need him now. I need to kiss him again and hear his voice. Bjorn... he just made everything easier. I didn't have to worry about anything with him around.

Just when I was ready to scream into my pillow, my phone rang.

It was Bjorn, he was facetiming me. I took a deep breath and pressed the answer button.

There he was, laying in bed, shirtless and staring back at me with his beautiful blue eyes.

His smile was prominent, his eyes were soft, just looking at him made me feel at peace.

"Hey baby," he said excitedly.

I wasn't sure what we had to be excited about, my parents just kicked him out. Although, his smile was forcing me right back into a happy state of mind; so I guess I've got something to smile about too.

"Hi," I replied quietly.

He didn't bother asking what was wrong, he already knew.

"So if you feel like going to school when you wake up tomorrow just let me know and I'll come pick you up," he said with another grin attached to the end of his lovely words.

"You say that like you can drive," I retorted.

"No I meant it! I'll pick you up and carry you to the bus stop," He said exuberantly.

"You're such a dork," The funniest part was, if I didn't stop him he would do it.

That night we chatted on the phone for hours. I continued my protest by refusing to eat dinner when my parents called me down to eat. Well, I tried to resist at least. Bjorn begged me to go down and eat; eventually I gave in and did it.

After dinner, I finally confessed to Bjorn the reason I was so upset about him rejecting my offer earlier.

I guess the whole situation was just another example of poor communication between the both of us.

"Babe!? How could you think that?" he shouted at me. "It had nothing to do with you being `damaged,' where the hell did you get that idea?"

"If that's not the reason why, then why did you say no?" I responded.

"Because babe, you were just involved in a traumatic event. Why would I put you in a similar situation and risk hurting you?"

I wanted to fire back and say "there's no way you could hurt me," but I'm not sure it's true. Now that I think about it, Bjorn might be right. If I had tried to have sex with him, would I be emotionally stable enough to not freak out. It makes sense why Bjorn was trying to protect me.

I wanted to hug him but it was hard to do over the phone. So instead, I blew him some kisses and even smudged the screen a bit by kissing the camera. He giggled but I could see a familiar look in his eyes that suggested more than just humor was on his mind.

I smiled back at him and raised my eyebrow slightly.

"What's that look for?" I asked with a huge grin.

Bjorn pretended to stretch and yawn as the phone camera lowered until his abdomen was showing. He didn't move the camera back to his face; this was obviously on purpose.

I could see the blanket draped across his waist but I couldn't tell if he was wearing underwear. The next thing I saw made me gulp in anticipation. Under the blanket I saw something move. It was a slight twitch right where his crotch is. If you blinked you would have missed it. Luckily for me, I didn't blink.

I couldn't see his face but I knew he was smiling. Soon, his hand came into view and grabbed his crotch. He started groping himself through the blanket and I was practically drooling. I needed Bjorn and I needed him now.

"Babe... can you sneak me through your window?" I asked him desperately.

"What? Babe you'll get in trouble."

I wasn't in the mood to argue with him right now so I decided to end it one shot.

I set the phone down and tore my clothes off. Once I was undressed I laid on my stomach, picked the phone up and pointed the camera at my face. At first, all Bjorn could see was my face. When the camera shifted a bit, my arched back came into view. Soon after that, my butt could be seen sticking up in the air and swaying slowly from side to side.

His camera shifted upward and I could see his face again. His eyes were wide and his mouth was open.

"Are you gonna let me come over or-"

"Please god get here quick babe. Don't get caught though!"

I jumped out of bed and dressed quickly. My parents had gone to bed but I still had to be quiet or they'd catch me. My heart was beating out of my chest as I descended the stairs. Each step was chosen with the utmost caution. I walked methodically and quietly until I reached the door and felt the cool metal of the doorknob in my hand. The noise the door makes when you pull it from the door jam was the loudest part. I tried not to pull too hard but I also couldn't pull too softly. It had to be just perfect. Even with all the precautions, my heart still skipped a beat when the door opened. I waited, listened, and held my breath. I could hear my dad snore in the other room so I took it as my sign to leave. Once I shut the door behind me, I practically skipped down the driveway and across the street.

I crept through the grass of Bjorn's side-yard. When I reached the window, I took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the glass.

No response came from the other side.

I tapped again and waited. It wasn't cold outside but I was shivering from excitement.

Where was he? I know he's still awake.

A few moments later I heard the window latch open and soon after the window pushed up.

I expected a naked and horny Bjorn to be there looking back at me. Instead, I saw a large and hairy grown man looking at me with tired eyes.

I was frozen in place. I chose the wrong window, this is Sigve's room!

I expected him to yell at me or take me back home. Sigve had a way of surprising me and tonight was no exception. He took one long look at me, grunted, and muttered a few words quietly.

"Next window Keaton."

And just like that, he shut the window.

I like Sigve.

I went to the next window and repeated my actions. Finally, I saw the sight I was waiting for. Bjorn was smiling and still naked as he helped me through the window. He kissed me immediately after I had crawled into his room. Simultaneously, he undressed me until I was matching his state of nakedness.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring; what I do know though, is that tonight, I'm going to cuddle with my boyfriend for a few hours. That's all I could ever ask for to be honest.

Soon I was on my back again. Small moans escaped my mouth as they usually do whenever Bjorn is around. My fingers ran through his thick hair while my legs wrapped around his body. I didn't have to say anything, my body spoke for me. My moans told him that he hit the spot, my arching back begged him for more, and my hard-on gave him permission to go as far as he wanted. He entered me forcefully. I whimpered and clenched up, Bjorn took notice and stopped himself from going further.

I felt his moist lips on my neck. He didn't ask me when it was okay to move, he already knew. A few minutes later he continued. I told him he could go harder, but there was a catch. I pulled him into me and bit down on his shoulder. He didn't cry out or pull away, he just thrusted in further. I don't know why, but I enjoyed leaving marks. Bite marks, hickeys, scratches. I loved seeing the marks I made on him. They were my marks; the signs that Bjorn was mine. He was allowed to be rough if I was allowed to mark my territory. We both enjoyed it though. We both moaned and smiled at small amounts of pain. There was something so intoxicating when pleasure was mixed with pain. Maybe we're both just a bit weird; but we both cum our hardest when we hurt each other. Afterwards, we did it a second time. This time much slower, a lot more kissing and no pain. I can't say which one I prefer; anything with Bjorn was bound to be amazing.

Last time we had sex it was lackluster. Doing it for fun was alright to say the least. However, nothing beats this kind of sex. It wasn't for fun, it was instinct. This was passion and love, not just stress relief. Most of all, it was an addiction.