Kerry

I lay awake for a while just enjoying having him there with me. It was nice feeling warmed by another human body after so long a time sleeping alone, but again, I was not aroused at all. He had apparently not moved at all during the night. He still had his arms around me, although they were totally relaxed. His head still lay on my shoulder, and his soft, silken hair brushed against my face. It was so soft and beautiful that I had a hard time not running my fingers through it, but I didn't want to wake him. He looked so beautiful and so peaceful lying there next to me. Except for an occasional sigh, his breathing was very quiet and regular and told me he was still sound asleep.

I could have stayed there with him the rest of the day at least, but I had a lot to do, and I had to get started. I took my time being gentle in getting him off me without waking him, but when I finally got him entirely on the bed, he still appeared to be asleep. God, he looked so beautiful! I lightly kissed his forehead, and he sighed and seemed to make a little smile, but did not wake up.

I went to the bathroom, showered, shaved, and got dressed. I checked on Kerry again, and he still appeared to be asleep, so I went to the kitchen to start breakfast. I stood in front of the pantry, then the refrigerator, asking myself what a ten-year-old boy would want for breakfast. I made it a point to keep a couple of boxes of cereal around for when my granddaughters stayed the night, but I doubted if Kerry would appreciate cereal from a box with the Strawberry Shortcake character or a Barbie doll all over the front. I thought about making pancakes, but I didn't have very much mix left. I decided that I would have to include a short trip to the grocery store if Kerry stayed.......

If Kerry stayed. God, please let him stay! We love each other so much, and we would both be devastated if he had to go anywhere else. Please, Almighty God, let him stay!

Just then I heard a sound behind me, and I turned around. Kerry stood there in all his naked beauty, rubbing his eyes. All my observations from the night before were confirmed beautifully in the morning light in my kitchen. He was so beautiful it almost took my breath away. This was my boy, and I loved him dearly. "Good morning, Little Buddy," I said.

Kerry ran and jumped into my arms, then threw his arms around my neck for a big hug. "I was trying to sneak up on you, but you must have heard me," he said playfully. He nuzzled his face into my neck.

"Yes, I heard. Did you get a good rest?

"Yes. It felt good to be with someone I love for a change."

"I know. I love you, too, but don't try to make me cry this early. Now it is time for you to get dressed - we have a big day today."

"Why, don't you like to hold me while I'm naked?" he asked playfully.

"Kerry, has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are when you are naked? If I had my way, I would keep you naked around me all the time, but we both know I can't do that. Besides, like I said, we have a lot to do today, and I still have a lot of questions for you. Now, your clothes are in the dryer over there, and your shoes are in the guest bedroom where you undressed last night. Now you go get dressed while I fix breakfast." I put him down on the floor and gave him a little pat on his beautiful little butt. Was that a bruise I saw on his left buttock? "Sausage and eggs OK with you?"

"If there is enough of them," he playfully replied.

"So how many eggs do you want?"

"Lots!" He ran to the dryer to get his clothes, then ran to the guest bedroom.

I made a mental note to do something about his running around the house naked. Yes, he was a beautiful little boy, and anyone would have loved the view. But society has decreed that above a certain age - and Kerry was definitely past that age - being naked in front of other people is not acceptable. There were cases in which parents had gotten into loads of trouble for allowing such activities. This, in my opinion, was ridiculous. We have become a world of people who are so constrained by ridiculous rules that we are afraid to take a deep breath. We are so afraid of being politically incorrect that if anyone even looks at us crosseyed, we automatically feel we have done something wrong. Why do we have to take away the innocence of children at such a young age? Why can't we let them be themselves and enjoy them for what they are - the most precious of God's gifts. But, unfortunately, the world is not that way, and Kerry needed to learn to live in the world as it is.

He returned almost immediately with eyes almost as big as a silver dollar. "Sir, is that an organ in the living room next to the piano?" he asked.

"Yes, it is. That is my practice instrument. I am the organist at the church where we met last night."

"It looks AWESOME!" I could tell he was quite impressed. "Could you teach me to play it?"

"Maybe," I answered, "we'll talk about it after breakfast."

Kerry went back to the bedroom to get dressed. I scrambled six eggs and fried six sausage patties, plus toast with strawberry preserves, orange juice, and a banana for him. When he returned, dressed in his newly cleaned clothes, I realized just how ragged and threadbare his clothes were. I was surprised they had survived the washer. But there was nothing wrong with his appetite. He ate just as hungrily as he had last night.

"Are you starting to get full?" I asked.

"No, but at least I am not hungry any more."

"OK, and from now on, as long as you are here with me, you don't ever have to be hungry again. Just tell me when you are, and we'll find you something to eat. But for now, let's go to the living room. It is more comfortable in there, and I have some questions to ask you."

As we got up from the table, he looked out the window into the back yard. "Wow!" he exclaimed, "you have a pool in the back yard, and lots of trees. Can I swim in it? Please?"

I laughed. It was great to have him be so happy after what he had apparently gone through the last few days. "Sure, that's what it's there for. But first things first."

"OK," he said, leading the way into the living room. He sat down on the organ bench. "This is so cool," he said, rubbing his hand over the wooden bench. I could tell he was really impressed with the organ - he wasn't just trying to be polite and make conversation.

I sat on the couch looking at him. "First, Kerry," I said, "I want you to tell me, in your own words, what you would like me to do for you."

"That's easy," he replied. "I have never loved anyone as much as I love you now, and I want to be with you more than anything. Can I stay with you? Please? I know I said last night that I would leave this morning, but I promise I'll be good. Please let me stay." The pleading look on his face and in his voice almost made me cry.

"Kerry, there is nothing in the world I would like more than to have you stay with me and be my little boy. I can't tell you how much I love to hear that you want the same thing. I promise I will do everything I can to make that happen, but we both have to understand that there are a lot of legal things that have to be considered. While I will fight for you with every resource I have, it may not be possible for you to be with me, no matter how much we both may want it. If that is the case, we will just have to accept it and do the best we can with what is available to us. Understand?"

Kerry nodded, but I could tell he was disappointed. The look on his face almost broke my heart, but it also made me more determined. I swore in my mind that this child had already endured all the pain and abuse that he would ever have to contend with. If the authorities knew what was good for them, they wouldn't try to fight me over this. Whatever it took, I was prepared to pursue this all the way to the world court if necessary. But I still needed more information.

"Remember last night I told you that I needed you to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth today?"

"I remember."

"Well, it is very important that you do that. I am going to be talking to some people today to find out how to go about getting you to stay with me legally, and they will have to know exactly what your situation is. No matter how difficult or painful it may be for you to tell me, you have to tell me and it must be the truth. You need to trust me when I say that no matter what you tell me, you won't get into any trouble, and I promise no one will hurt you, but if you tell me something that isn't true, and I act on that to get custody of you, then the people who have to make those legal decisions will know that they can't trust what I say, and there will be absolutely no chance of your getting to stay with me. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I do. I'll tell you the truth. I promise."

"First of all, what happened that made your stepfather throw you out of the house?"

"He never has liked me, and after Mom died it got worse. He would yell at me all the time, and I got a lot of spankings. He got mad at me because he came home early and found my friend Larry and me playing with each other in my room. He said no queer was going to live under his roof, so he kicked me out."

"You say you got a lot of spankings. Is that what caused that bruise I noticed this morning?"

"Where? Here?" he said, turning and pointing to his left hip.

"Yes."

"Yes. He gave me a hard spanking with a razor strop right before he threw me out."

"Do you think he would consent to having me made your legal guardian?"

"Who knows? But I don't see why not. He doesn't want me. He never did."

"Do you mind if I call him and ask him?"

"I don't care. Go ahead if you want to."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"No. I am the only one."

"Do you have any relatives that may want to take you?"

"On my mom's side, I have a great aunt that lives in Chicago, but she's in her eighties. I know she loves me, but she can't take care of me. She told me so after Mom's funeral. Mom was an only child, so I don't have any other aunts or uncles that I know of. You are the only one who has ever wanted me besides my mom."

"Do you know if your mom left a will or not?"

"I don't know."

"Tell me what you know about your real father."

"He died before I was born. Mom never talked about him all that much. My stepfather knew him, I think, but he never talked about him either."

"So I guess that means you don't know about any relatives on your father's side."

"No, I don't."

"Well, Kerry, since you have said that you want to stay with me, let me tell you what I am going to do. First, I am going to talk with the pastor at my church and see what he advises, then I am going to talk to my attorney about getting custody of you if that is possible. If there is a way, believe me he will find it. When I adopted my children twenty-four years ago, his father was my attorney, and things went very smoothly. From what I understand, he is even brighter than his father in family matters. Then, based on what they tell me, there may be other things I have to do, but I hope you are still with me then. If you are, then we have to do some shopping for you some new clothes and some more groceries. Is there anything else you need to do?"

"No, except if you don't mind I want to go with you."

"You can." He slid off the organ bench and, with unmistakable tears in his eyes, came over and gave me a hug. It felt as if his body literally melted against me, and I held him close as I tried to regain my voice. After what seemed like several minutes, I kissed his cheek and said, "You know I could get used to this, Kerry, but why don't you look around the house a little and find out where everything is while I make some phone calls right now."

"Okay," he answered. He kissed my cheek, then headed for the organ. "Can I turn this on and see how it sounds?"

"You mean, 'May I,' don't you?" He corrected himself. "Yes, you may, but keep the volume low. I am going to be on the telephone." He pulled up the roll top cover, turned on the organ, and sat fascinated by the instrument. I wished I could spend time with him right then and show him the organ and let him hear the different stops, but maybe it would be better to let him explore on his own right now. Besides, I needed to make those phone calls.

I called Rev. Keller and told him that I wouldn't be in my office the next couple of days, but I needed to speak to him at his first available hour. He said to drop by at 10:00 - just a little over two hours from now. I then called my attorney's office, expecting to leave him a voice mail, but his secretary answered. Mr. Braxton wasn't in, she told me, and was to be in court all day, but she would have him call me back that evening. I called the organ tuner and arranged for the church organ to be tuned the following week. Then I called Kerry, and he came running.

I got the name and phone number of his stepfather and asked if he wanted to tell him anything or needed anything of his that might still be at his stepfather's house. He couldn't think of anything, so after activating my telephone recorder, I called his stepfather's number. A deep voice answered the phone. I decided to be as friendly as I could.

"Hello, Mr. Sanders. My name is Mike Newman, and I am calling about your stepson Kerry Patterson."

"Where is the little queer bastard," he growled. It was obvious that Kerry's stepfather was not going to be easy to deal with. Maybe he didn't love the boy, but that didn't give him any right to call him names. Besides, I had already decided in my own mind that Kerry was MY son, and I wasn't going to tolerate anyone mistreating him, and that included using derogatory names. I decided that politeness would be wasted on this guy, and I didn't even try to keep the ice from my voice.

"Mr. Sanders, Kerry has told me, and it is quite obvious to me now, that you have no interest at all in having him as your son. He also says that he has no relatives on his mother's side except a great aunt in Chicago who is unable to care for him. He thinks you knew his biological father. Now, assuming that is correct, do you know of any relatives he has on his father's side that may want to take him in?

"No. No one I know would want a goddam faggot living with them."

By this time, I had had more than enough of Mr. Sanders. "Now listen here, you low - life piece of shit. As of last night, Kerry has been with me. If he is homosexual, that is between him and the Lord, I doubt very seriously if he is a bastard, and the God I know does not damn little boys. And it is obvious that you don't know me, because I DO want Kerry to be with me, if that is possible. The only reason I am calling is to ask you, since you obviously have no feelings for him and do not want him around, if you would agree to sign the legal papers granting me guardianship of him. If you will agree to that, I will bear all the costs - you won't be financially responsible for anything."

"But I'll still be the bad guy. Everyone will call me the guy that gave up his stepson, and my reputation will be shot. You get all the glory for stepping in and saving a poor, little, innocent child. Is that it?"

"I don't believe what I am hearing. You listen to me, Sanders, and you listen good. I found Kerry last night, I have heard his story, I have seen his bruises, and now I have heard for myself what his bigoted stepfather is like, so don't try to talk to me about your precious reputation. Where on earth do you think you stand right now? You kicked a ten-year-old boy, your late wife's only son, out of your house without a second thought after giving him a beating which left bruises. You didn't even give him an opportunity to pack his things. For the last three days, you have made no effort at all to get him into a safe situation, you have made no effort to check on him, and you have not cared one iota about what may have happened to him. It is obvious that all you wanted was to be rid of him, and even now you are showing no remorse whatsoever. All you seem to care about is your reputation, as if anyone in his right mind would think you even had one. Well, I'll tell you, Sanders, your reputation should be the least of your worries right now, because there is little you can do to rescue it. I should call the cops right now and have you arrested for child abandonment, child endangerment, and child abuse. If I did, I would be a hero in this community. I am not going to do that unless you give me more cause than you have already, but I warn you, don't provoke me any further, and don't make the mistake of thinking I am not serious. I am going to ask you just once more to do at least one decent thing in all of this and agree to sign the papers so that your stepson can have a reasonable chance at happiness - happiness that he would never have with you." I know I wasn't polite, but I meant every word.

"How do I know you ain't one of them queer bastards yourself?"

By now, I was practically screaming. "You DON'T know that, Sanders, and given your total lack of feelings for the boy, what concern should that be to you? Even if I were, don't you think Kerry would be better off with me than with someone who feels the way you do about him and who treats him the way you obviously have? However, you are welcome to do any kind of background checks on me that you want. I am retired, I work as a church organist, and I have been a widower for the past five years. I have three grown sons, and two granddaughters about Kerry's age. I am not a homosexual, I am certainly not a pedophile, and the only bastard in this whole situation is YOU - not me, and certainly not Kerry."

"Okay, okay, I'll sign your papers. At least that will get the little faggot out of my hair. But you owe me $5000.00 for doing it."

"I didn't hear what you just said, but if I hear it again I'm going to hang up this phone and call the cops. Last chance - will you sign the papers?"

"Look, I oughtta get something out of this for taking care of him the last few years."

"Don't press it, you son of a bitch, you are on very thin ice right now," I yelled. "Absolutely last chance.....NOW!"

"Oh, all right. Yes, I'll sign."

"Thank you," I said, still with a ton of ice in my voice. "I'll have my attorney draw up the papers. You will be hearing from him. In the meantime, you need to know that as far as I am concerned, as of this moment Kerry is my son, and if I ever again hear or hear of your calling him a bastard, a queer, a faggot, or any other derogatory name, you will answer to me. I mean it, Sanders, and if you think I can't make your life a living hell, just try me. I know how to do it, I have the resources to do it, and after speaking with you now and knowing what kind of scumbag you are, I will have no qualms whatsoever about doing it. I will make a hobby out of ruining you and your precious reputation. Now, is that clear to you?" 

"Just who do you....."

"SIR,.......IS........THAT...........CLEAR?" I shouted into the telephone.

"Yeah, yeah, all right. Send your papers over here, and I'll sign. Just keep that little ba....Kerry.....out of my sight."

"No problem. One more thing - from this moment on, if you ever attempt to renege on this, if you do or say anything to impede or obstruct the legal proceedings to make me Kerry's guardian, or if you do or say anything to hurt Kerry in any way whatsoever, you had better make sure you have your affairs in order, because I'll be on you like white on rice. You have my word that I will take no action whatsoever against you as long as you leave us alone, but if you cross me, I guarantee you that you will regret it. I hope you understand that clearly, Sir."

"Don't you dare try to threaten me, Newman. I wasn't born yesterday, and I know how to take care of do-gooders who think they are better than me."

"I don't make threats, Sanders, I make promises. In a way, I hope you do try something. I think I would enjoy grinding my heel into your neck. Good-bye." I hung up the phone and turned off the recorder. I took the tape out, labeled it, and put it in my locked desk drawer. I hoped I wouldn't have to use it, but if that worthless sack of shit tried anything, I would be ready for him.

Just then I heard a whimper. I looked around and saw Kerry, with tears in his eyes, standing in my office door. "Mike, please don't ever get that mad at me," he said, wiping his eyes.

I held out my arms to him, and he flew into them. "Oh, Kerry, that's not going to happen. You are incapable of doing anything that would make me that angry." I hugged him to me and kissed his cheek. He stayed in my lap with his arms around me, burying his face in my neck, until it was time to go to Rev. Keller's office.